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Scared and feel helpless

User
Posted 18 Oct 2018 at 09:26

New to this but so need support. My husband has just been diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer. Psa?146 Ct and bone scan shows lymph and spinal fractures . Obviously devastated, but seeing him in pain the worst. Backpain and mucle cramps and he has trouble sleeping. Have to tell our children and feel sick at the thought .

User
Posted 18 Oct 2018 at 12:13
I assume that he has been started on hormone treatment immediately? This starves the cancer so the pain should begin to decrease very, very quickly. Don't despair; we have members here who are still living fairly normal lives years after a diagnosis like this - the hormones can control the cancer for a long time, and new treatments are being developed all the time.

The hospital may also suggest that he has early chemo; chemo cannot cure prostate cancer but it can make the hormone therapy much more effective. All chemo has risks but generally speaking, the chemo used in prostate cancer is one of the more gentle ones and some men on here have been able to continue working throughout.

Perhaps wait until you have a full understanding of your husband's diagnosis and treatment plan before you tell the children. It is hard to grasp the difference between an incurable illness and being terminally ill and it would be so frightening for them to get the wrong end of the stick. You can download the toolkit from this website or call the specialist nurses at the number above and they will send it to you through the post.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 18 Oct 2018 at 12:19
Re kids depends how old they are. If they are grown up I would tell them right away, they will help you deal with everything and will be very annoyed if you don't tell them.

Otherwise I agree with everything Lyn has said.

User
Posted 18 Oct 2018 at 18:48
Yes, you need to get a grip at some point but it isn't that easy in reality - any cancer diagnosis is a shock and you will all need time to get your heads round it and grieve a bit before you can look forward. Realistically, some men progress very quickly and no treatment works but for the majority, hormone treatment and chemo means that the pain becomes manageable and they find a new kind of normal life. We have men still here 10 or more years after a diagnosis like your husband's.
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

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User
Posted 18 Oct 2018 at 12:13
I assume that he has been started on hormone treatment immediately? This starves the cancer so the pain should begin to decrease very, very quickly. Don't despair; we have members here who are still living fairly normal lives years after a diagnosis like this - the hormones can control the cancer for a long time, and new treatments are being developed all the time.

The hospital may also suggest that he has early chemo; chemo cannot cure prostate cancer but it can make the hormone therapy much more effective. All chemo has risks but generally speaking, the chemo used in prostate cancer is one of the more gentle ones and some men on here have been able to continue working throughout.

Perhaps wait until you have a full understanding of your husband's diagnosis and treatment plan before you tell the children. It is hard to grasp the difference between an incurable illness and being terminally ill and it would be so frightening for them to get the wrong end of the stick. You can download the toolkit from this website or call the specialist nurses at the number above and they will send it to you through the post.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 18 Oct 2018 at 12:19
Re kids depends how old they are. If they are grown up I would tell them right away, they will help you deal with everything and will be very annoyed if you don't tell them.

Otherwise I agree with everything Lyn has said.

User
Posted 18 Oct 2018 at 12:26
Fair point - I just assumed the children were children :-/
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 18 Oct 2018 at 18:28

Thank you so much for replying . My husband is a very private person and I feel so guilty about crying every day . I am teying to stay strong, but tears come . Seeing Oncologist end of month and Trus biopsy tmorrow . Needed reassurance that he can be out of pain and able to sleep. He is getting backpain and has severe cramps to his back and leg. He feels the cramps are muscular. I realise this cancer is not curable , but to see him in painnow is so hard . Thank you

User
Posted 18 Oct 2018 at 18:30

Yes he has been started on hormone injections . Sorry started crying replying to you . Have to get a grip . 

User
Posted 18 Oct 2018 at 18:48
Yes, you need to get a grip at some point but it isn't that easy in reality - any cancer diagnosis is a shock and you will all need time to get your heads round it and grieve a bit before you can look forward. Realistically, some men progress very quickly and no treatment works but for the majority, hormone treatment and chemo means that the pain becomes manageable and they find a new kind of normal life. We have men still here 10 or more years after a diagnosis like your husband's.
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

 
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