Worried about Mum

User

Posted 24 Oct 2018 at 15:02

Hi all,

This is my first post. My dad was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer in February 2018 and is undergoing hormonal therapy. He continues to look at life in a positive frame of mind which is fantastic. We have been told that it is 'life shortening rather than life threatening', which is something we hold on to.

One of the biggest things I'm facing is keeping my mother's spirits up. She's frightened beyond words of what the future holds and is not sleeping/lost a lot weight. Our family really is just Mum, Dad and I... and I wondered if anybody else was in the same boat really? I'm worried about Dad's health but also Mum's in a different way (if that makes sense).

One thing I should mention is that she seems very afraid of talking about Dad to anybody (perhaps due to hearing other people's experiences/time frames/ prognoses etc).

Thanks for reading this,

Edited by member 24 Oct 2018 at 16:17 | Reason: Tidy up

User

Posted 24 Oct 2018 at 16:25

Can you get your Mum to call one of the charity's specialist nurses. I rang them quite frequently after my diagnosis and surgery last year and found them very helpful on a range of subjects. If your Mum doesn't want to call your Dad could do so and put the phone on speaker so Mum can listen and chip in. I did that when i rang and I'm sure my wife found it helpful. It's a worrying time for everyone and affects the whole family, so all need help and support.

User

Posted 24 Oct 2018 at 18:20

it is understandable that your Mum doesn't want to talk about it at this stage. We both kept the news to ourselves initially and then to immediate family but we only told certain friends as necessary. It is easier in some ways to deal with it together without any need for outside support or comments.

Your Mum will need to process everything herself - it is a big shock and she will be wondering what the future holds which may be very different than the one she and your Dad might have hoped for.

We have taken each day as it comes over the last 8 years and have enjoyed a lot of things together. There are set backs sometimes but tell your Mum there are a lot of ladies on here who have been in her position. Let her deal with it in the way she feels most comfortable. Good luck to you all.

User

Posted 24 Oct 2018 at 23:36

Hi Mark,

You made a good move asking for advice although it probably needs a deeper discussion than a forum like this. I'd suggest you personally speak to Macmillan, AGE UK or other similar group in your area. The local hospital may have a Macmillan suite. They're all very sympathetic and want nothing more than to help.

Without wanting to put pressure on you, as you're obviously caring, you could play a big part in re-aasurance withiut overdoing it. I recall thinking that getting Prostate Cancer was a bit like the bereavement process where you have denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. It's important not to get stalled in any phase. It's amazing that just about every human goes through these phases and it can be quick or slow and it's worth looking into. There's plenty on the internet.

There might be other things about your mother and it could need a long discussion. Perhaps someone else will also suggest something as we all look for different things. All the best. Peter

User

Posted 29 Oct 2018 at 19:01

Thank you all for taking the time to post your kind replies. It is very comforting knowing that other people are going through what we are and that this community exists in which to help each other.

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