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Performance and manhood

User
Posted 15 Dec 2018 at 00:42

I’m concerned about post surgery performance and the implications of whether satisfying a woman changes my definition of being a man. Moreover, it has me questioning my whole approach to and definitions of relationships.

User
Posted 15 Dec 2018 at 15:55
I ended up being single 6 months after my op and before anything had "been tested". When I started dating I found women fell into 2 camps:

1) Wouldn't touch it with a barge pole !

2) Lots of empathy, compassion, kindness and patience

I soon learnt to tell them up front rather than waiting to "suprise them" later!!

Guess what it turns out the Type 2s are the only ones worth having, shame it took me 34 years to find out my X wife was a type 1!!

Anyway 3 years post op and a lot of great experiences under my belt and I am now in a wonderful relationship, in fact we are planning our marriage next spring..

User
Posted 15 Dec 2018 at 08:15
You could work on your tongue muscles and learn to breath through you ears
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User
Posted 15 Dec 2018 at 01:40

I bought my wife a nice pair of shoes...she seems very satisfied. Our relationship is stronger than ever - she is three inches taller and I'm no less of a man.

That's my philosophy.

User
Posted 15 Dec 2018 at 01:48

Very funny, but you were aready married and she probably deserved the shoes. 😉

I have no wife and dont know what her future shoe size might be...🤪 Could be bigger than mine, in which case I’m in double trouble.

User
Posted 15 Dec 2018 at 03:13

My wife deserves more than shoes for having to put up with me...yes.

Despite being in a relationship, the fears of a diminished 'manhood' are still  present. But there is more to me being a man, and that's being the person i have always been.

Questioning oneself regarding future performance and relationships is understandable - single or otherwise.  However, surgery doesn't necessarily mean that sex and relationships will be a thing of the past.

I wish you all the very best with your recovery.

 

 

 

 

 

User
Posted 15 Dec 2018 at 03:23

Thank you for both your thoughful reply and kind banter.

 

I'm wondering about the start of a relationship and the passion and whether i can respond in kind. and wothering whether that will turn off a woman, or she will take the time to work with my problem until it does work to not turn her away.

User
Posted 15 Dec 2018 at 04:21

New relationships are not easy at the best of times.

But as with any relationship empathy is probably the most important quality. Especially for those of us that need some extra understanding and adjustment from the 'norm'

Someone that understands, and is accepting of you and your surgery will love you for who you are.

As for passion...there are more ways than one to crack an egg between the pages of the Kama Sutra.

Take time to recover fully from surgery and don't put too much pressure on yourself.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by member 16 Dec 2018 at 21:34  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 15 Dec 2018 at 04:46

Thank you for your thoughtful response. Very kind.

I’ve always been an Alpha, a warrior, an athlete and a competitor. I’m trying hard to adjust to post surgery and also to PTSD. 

User
Posted 15 Dec 2018 at 06:57
You’ve not said much about your results , your staging , your age , whether you had nerve sparing surgery etc etc. There are a wealth of people with a wealth of knowledge on here that can steer you towards maintaining erectile health and recovery. I for one can help you loads. I’m only 51 — click my picture , and was a very sexual creature pre op. Took about two years to get decent erections back but there is still loads of fun to be had in the meantime. I guess being truthful right upfront at the start of any new relationship will sort the keepers from the might have been You must work at keeping your penis and tissue healthy on a daily basis to ensure you have a good chance of proper erections again one day. Keep in touch

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

User
Posted 15 Dec 2018 at 07:12

Thank you for your honesty and reply. I’m 49 with a 0.0 psa, my gleason prior to surgery was a 7+ and after that was upgraded (I forget what) but post-op they said the whole prostate was shot through with cancer and there was the beginning of an arterial lesion/bleed. Father and grandfather both had it, fataly. Mine was robotic surgery, nerve sparing.

 

Edited by member 15 Dec 2018 at 07:19  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 15 Dec 2018 at 07:16

And I only found out about my prostate problem because of having to have stomach surgery after a wreck and the seatbelt nearly cut me in half! Strange luck! They found my psa at over 5 and did further tests. Good docs.

Edited by member 15 Dec 2018 at 07:18  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 15 Dec 2018 at 07:38
Ok , sad story and respects to you. But looks like you were caught in time whereas I wasn’t and am now deemed incurable. I’m 3 1/2 yrs post op. So mate you need to start fully steering recovery and or get into an ED clinic , and definitely be prescribed or buy a good quality pump. On top of this it would be great to ask your GP for daily 5mg Cialis to generally help with blood flow to your genital area etc. There are rafts of treatments and I’ve test-driven them all , even self injecting my penis. If you ever want to chat then message me ok. There is a post somewhere called ‘ erecting the erection’. This is well worth a read but I’m not good with links. Try the search facility.

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

User
Posted 15 Dec 2018 at 07:45
Erecting the Erection - Medication

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

User
Posted 15 Dec 2018 at 07:58

What is steering recovery?

User
Posted 15 Dec 2018 at 08:15
You could work on your tongue muscles and learn to breath through you ears
User
Posted 15 Dec 2018 at 08:22

Sorry to be explicit, but have a lifetime presciption for viagra and ”abscence of prostate” stimulation sex toys as medical devices. We are working on that.

 

and that sounds like Susan Sarandon, who id love to have teach me that!

Edited by member 15 Dec 2018 at 09:50  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 15 Dec 2018 at 15:55
I ended up being single 6 months after my op and before anything had "been tested". When I started dating I found women fell into 2 camps:

1) Wouldn't touch it with a barge pole !

2) Lots of empathy, compassion, kindness and patience

I soon learnt to tell them up front rather than waiting to "suprise them" later!!

Guess what it turns out the Type 2s are the only ones worth having, shame it took me 34 years to find out my X wife was a type 1!!

Anyway 3 years post op and a lot of great experiences under my belt and I am now in a wonderful relationship, in fact we are planning our marriage next spring..

User
Posted 16 Dec 2018 at 21:09

My experience chimes with several above. Sexual enjoyment still continues but it very much depends on my wife's patience as well as amorousness. It means a slightly different relationship, but for the good.

(Of course the male experience is also changed, but as long as you accept it is different but still pleasurable and not inferior that isn't an issue).

Good luck!

 
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