Originally Posted by: Online Community Memberhave begun chemo. disgnosed with leg dvt on the day so six months of heparin injections await. please read my updated profile. if i had the coursge to sink the boxes of morphine i have, id be out this sorry life in a shot" im done
Well Bazza, I've not always agreed with everything you have wrote.
Nonetheless, your "if I had the coursge" etc, shows your actual current mindset and real courage.
The fact that you are reaching out here, have not taken the meds, shows that you have the true courage, fortitude, stubbornness , call it what you will, not to take your life, or try to.
Would I suggest you call the Samaritans? No.
As part of their spiel they will ask if you have considered suicide? Imagine, if you had not considered it, and it is then introduced as a viable option?
So, I'd invite you to think on this:
Every new dawn is preceded by darkness. No matter how dark that darkness a new dawn follows.
Be there for yours matey.
You have a pm. Call any time.
dave
All we can do - is do all that we can. So, do all you can to help yourself, then make the best of your time. :-) I am the statistic. |
User
Bazza
Your post of the 24th Dec
"For those including myself who believe that 2019 might be their last year, let’s confound the effing critics and win the day!"
Keep fighting and keep winning
Ray
User
Sweet bejeezus Bazza
what a post m8? filled me with alarm. you have a long way to go yet mate, please try and keep your chin up and get over the current awfulness of your situation.
I hope you can reply here as we sre all concermed about you pal
best wishes
Bill
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Tell your lovely bride how you are feeling so that she can lock the morphine away.
Phone the PCUK nurses to check out anything you are not sure about from the French medical staff.
Phone the Samaritans.
Keep talking to anyone / everyone that can listen.
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
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User
Hi Bazza
The moderators are concerned about you and would like to make sure you have access to support. We would suggest you speak to your doctor as soon as possible especially if you are feeling desperate or having suicidal thoughts.
You can call the Samaritans on 116 123 any time day or night. And, you can also call our Specialist Nurses on 0800 074 8383, Monday-Friday 9am-6pm, Wed 10am-8pm They would be very happy to talk to you and can discuss all aspects of your treatment.
We know you will find a great deal of support from the online community.
Best Wishes
Moderation Team
Prostate Cancer UK
User
Hi Bazza
If you are in France; you may find the following link helpful if you need to talk:
https://www.befrienders.org/directory?country=FR
https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/how-our-service-helps/other-sources-help/outside-uk-or-ireland
Take Care
Moderation Team
User
Hi Bazza
Please stay strong ,life is so short please try to make the most of it, I feel so sorry that you are suffering as you are but please talk to someone,the doctors, nurses or Samaritans. big hugs xxxxx
User
Hi Bazza. You can get through this tough patch. Keep talking to your friends on here like Lyn , Chris and everyone.
Ann
Edited by member 18 Jan 2019 at 18:52
| Reason: Not specified
User
Bazza
Your post of the 24th Dec
"For those including myself who believe that 2019 might be their last year, let’s confound the effing critics and win the day!"
Keep fighting and keep winning
Ray
User
Bazza
I know things seem dark today but don’t forget you’ve been incredibly brave and are an example to us all. Just hang on through this dark patch and you’ll be back in that fighting frame soon. Please remember we are all thinking of you.
PP
User
Think about all the reasons you want to keep fighting, the people you love and everything you still love about life. Keep a list of phone numbers with you always and agree to ring those numbers when you need support. Remember everyone has up and down days - consider sharing your fears and feelings with your GP or a member of your care team. Thinking of you.
Edited by member 13 Nov 2019 at 22:17
| Reason: Not specified
User
Come on Bazza, its a tough one i know but don’t give up. We are going through some hard times right now too but i would never want John to throw the towel in while there is still fun to be had. Please get some help.
love Devonmaid
xxxxx
User
Bazza , Only those who are in the same boat as you will really understand how you really feel , I am now terminal have been for the last 18 months ,
I am not in any pain , just had my 70th Birthday , Every day is a bonus , I am on eight Pads a day , shrunken penis , no erections last eight years , my wife is 56 she looks after me, never makes any demands on me {no Sex} I have thought through every way to take my own life , Car exhaust , Pills , Hanging , I consider myself to be lucky to be where I am to day and every day is a bonus , I know you are a lot younger than me , But I think you still have a way to go , Chemo is not to bad I was able to still go to work ,time for those thoughts later on ,Good luck
Barry
Edited by member 18 Jan 2019 at 22:18
| Reason: Not specified
User
Christ Barry that disheartens me to the core. I know we are all different but no way do I want to be like that. I can’t believe I could even exist like that and don’t want to to be honest. I reckon I’ll go the quicker route.
Bazza I’m so sorry. Don’t know what to say. No words I’m afraid but I get you. I think the same sometimes.
User
Bazza,
We're all here for you.
Please try not to let those thoughts overwelm you.
I have had periods of feeling very low at times when everything seems to be going wrong for me. I left home once with the intention of taking my own life by taking all my supplies of medication at once. I'm so pleased I didn't now and am so grateful to the stranger I talked to who helped me through that difficult time.
I hope you can find a way through this and feel happier again.
Steve
Edited by member 19 Jan 2019 at 04:04
| Reason: Not specified
User
Bazza, you have been an inspiration to Newbies like me. I am finding it difficult on the HT and have some dark days. Anti depressants have helped along with counselling.
I read some of the journeys on here and it makes me realise how lucky i am to be alive. Was sat in a Pub in Notting Hill yesterday, said to wife, a year ago I wasnt sure where i'd be in a year, but here i am.
Please keep fighting on , you are one of the reasons i buck myself up sometimes when the HT dark days come.
Thinking of you, as we all are.
Phil
User
Keep on fighting Bazza, show that Spartacus steel, you're still a young man. If you throw in the towel there ain't much hope for us old gimmers.
User
Bazza, I'm with Lyn, ChriS, PP, Devonmaid, Steve, and everyone else.
I can't add anything other than saying you are an inspiration and you will get through this.
Thinking about you,
Ian
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User
Barry I know there are language barriers where you are but speak to your wife about how you are feeling. Failing that pick the phone up to a friend, old work colleague, Samaritans.
We are all here for you
Bri
User
Sweet bejeezus Bazza
what a post m8? filled me with alarm. you have a long way to go yet mate, please try and keep your chin up and get over the current awfulness of your situation.
I hope you can reply here as we sre all concermed about you pal
best wishes
Bill
User
Bazza
We often see the journey of this illness being likened to being on a roller coaster. From personal experience for no apparent reason you will soon be traveling back to the top of the ride.
Thanks Chris
User
Originally Posted by: Online Community Memberhave begun chemo. disgnosed with leg dvt on the day so six months of heparin injections await. please read my updated profile. if i had the coursge to sink the boxes of morphine i have, id be out this sorry life in a shot" im done
Well Bazza, I've not always agreed with everything you have wrote.
Nonetheless, your "if I had the coursge" etc, shows your actual current mindset and real courage.
The fact that you are reaching out here, have not taken the meds, shows that you have the true courage, fortitude, stubbornness , call it what you will, not to take your life, or try to.
Would I suggest you call the Samaritans? No.
As part of their spiel they will ask if you have considered suicide? Imagine, if you had not considered it, and it is then introduced as a viable option?
So, I'd invite you to think on this:
Every new dawn is preceded by darkness. No matter how dark that darkness a new dawn follows.
Be there for yours matey.
You have a pm. Call any time.
dave
All we can do - is do all that we can. So, do all you can to help yourself, then make the best of your time. :-) I am the statistic. |
User
Dear Barry,
It's all been said (and said well). You know you have our support not to mention our undivided attention now!!
All I would add, is think of how hard you fought to be with the love of your life. You had courage then, you've had courage right through your fight.
I hope you can find just a little more to help you over this very rough place in your life. Don't let the effort of being with your love be wasted.
We can't control the winds - but we can adjust our sails |
User
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
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User
Thank you to all those kind and concerned souls who offered comfort and a response in my hour of need. I did not take the morphine nor make a telephone call. i just waited it out. Life won.
These troubles will hit me again, no doubt. Thank you one and all.
Bazza
User
Well done to you. Sometimes we surprise ourselves with the strength inside. We can be stronger than we think . i recall Lynn telling me that some time ago.
Keep believing in yourself and maybe you can surprise yourself again. Hopefully it wont hit you so hard next time .
Best of luck, hang in there.
Phil
User
Glad to hear from you again. You had me worried there but have limited wifi here in Thailand so couldn't post before now. You inspired me so much when I joined the forum in 2016 following dad's diagnosis . Sadly his fight was short lived and brutal and I wouldn't have blamed him if he had checked out earlier. However I have followed your story with fascination and was pleased for your new life in France despite some sympathy for your first wife (I am a wife of 34 years so I really felt for her). Life is too short to be unhappy though . Keep fighting Bazza. Take care xx
User
And this is what we do best here :-)
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
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User
Great relief to hear from you again Bazza.
Glad you've let things pass.
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User
Thanks Bazza
You've made my day.
If people have never felt that way you did they could never really understand what it feels like
Thanks for letting us know.
We're always here for you.
Steve
User
Get a glass of red down you to celebrate!
User
Bazza, as Steve implies some people don't get the mental issues with the HT and don't have the dark days some of us get. They are hard to deal with i know. Everyone is different and i know mine is partly caused by a difficult childhood that has been brought back by the HT and i have to deal with that, and obviously thoughts of where will we be in a year or two.
I feel that for every dark day we get through we get stronger, and i try to count my blessings.
Try to celebrate every day that you wake up ( especially with the one you love ) as if its a bonus...
I am sure you can get through this dark period.
I wish you all the best.
Phil
User
Today is officially a good day 😎
User
So glad to hear from you as you had me worried. Keep fighting and be kind to yourself. we all have bad days and tough times. My hope is that your days ahead will be brighter as life is such a gift. Stay strong hon xxxx
Debbie xxx |
User
Big love to you Bazza, hard times i know but you have friends here
love Devonmaid