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Family falling apart

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User
Posted 17 Feb 2019 at 16:03

History is my husband had been suffering back, leg and pelvic pain and difficulty urinating. Family history of prostate cancer so PSA was tested by GP in october 2018. The result of this was a referral to hospital for scans which showed areas of concern. Biopsy then done in November. This showed two tumours at the top of the prostate. Gleason Score of 7. Consultant decided on template biopsy which was done in January 2019. Results 2 weeks ago, there were 7 more samples that showed cancerous cells. Offered active surveillance or radical robotic surgery to remove the prostate followed by radiotherapy as apparently he is young in terms of prostate cancer being found. He has decided on surgery and pre-op team meeting is scheduled on 27th Feb when we will meet other patients having the same or similar procedure. 


Sorry but I need to rant. Hubbie (aged 47) is now signed off work for at least another month but probably until a few months after his operation as he’s got another infection (already had two others) following his template biopsy.Gp says he’s not to go back to work until after his surgery for which we currently have no date. He’s become really distant and we’ve just had another very heated discussion ending up with him saying some really hurtful stuff which made me cry so I’m now upstairs out the way again. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Tried to just be normal but nothing about this situation  is normal at the moment. We’ve got two boys aged 12 & 20 and I’ve got my own major health problems with spina bifida. I’m really struggling with his mood swings. Unfortunately it’s in my nature to take things to heart. I just don’t know what to do but I feel we are becoming more and more distant and there is a constant atmosphere in the house. Really sorry to rant but just need some support from anyone else in the same boat. I just feel like everything is spiralling out of control and I’m not sure what to do xx

Edited by member 17 Feb 2019 at 21:46  | Reason: More information

User
Posted 17 Feb 2019 at 19:36
I'd strongly suggest getting in touch with Macmillan tomorrow and getting some counselling arranged. It's a huge help. I had major issues taking in my cancer diagnosis and Macmillan were an enormous help in getting through it. It's free.

Chris
User
Posted 17 Feb 2019 at 19:22
Hi Claudia this is more common than you think. Partners of men with prostate cancer suffering terribly. There is a wives-only Facebook page for prostate cancer. I’ll ask my wife and find the link for you ok. The vast majority of men faced with any illness are pretty scared. Most don’t go to the doctors even. It’s recently been in all the papers. And when it involves their genitals and erections and sexual function some men utterly close down and lock themselves away because of the utter ‘failure’ they are about to become after surgery or treatment. I think you really need to pick your time and approach him and reassure him you are a team and will get through this together. Because you can ok !! Click my picture and read my profile. It’s amazing how many men are still cave-men , but they cant help themselves. I’m sure if you want to and still love him and can forgive him for his distance , that you will find a way in. I was 48 at surgery and it was the worse thing that has ever happened in my life tbh , but with a very loving and supportive wife we have got through. It’s been bad , but not all bad , and sometimes better x
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User
Posted 17 Feb 2019 at 18:55
Wow, for a first post you seem to think that we already know quite a lot of background - but I don’t think you have ever posted on this forum before.

So - what was the diagnosis, when was the diagnosis, what op is he waiting for and why is he still waiting? It makes no sense that a GP says he needs to be off work until a few months after his op - were you there when this was said? Could you be being misled?
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard
User
Posted 17 Feb 2019 at 19:22
Hi Claudia this is more common than you think. Partners of men with prostate cancer suffering terribly. There is a wives-only Facebook page for prostate cancer. I’ll ask my wife and find the link for you ok. The vast majority of men faced with any illness are pretty scared. Most don’t go to the doctors even. It’s recently been in all the papers. And when it involves their genitals and erections and sexual function some men utterly close down and lock themselves away because of the utter ‘failure’ they are about to become after surgery or treatment. I think you really need to pick your time and approach him and reassure him you are a team and will get through this together. Because you can ok !! Click my picture and read my profile. It’s amazing how many men are still cave-men , but they cant help themselves. I’m sure if you want to and still love him and can forgive him for his distance , that you will find a way in. I was 48 at surgery and it was the worse thing that has ever happened in my life tbh , but with a very loving and supportive wife we have got through. It’s been bad , but not all bad , and sometimes better x
User
Posted 17 Feb 2019 at 19:36
I'd strongly suggest getting in touch with Macmillan tomorrow and getting some counselling arranged. It's a huge help. I had major issues taking in my cancer diagnosis and Macmillan were an enormous help in getting through it. It's free.

Chris
User
Posted 17 Feb 2019 at 21:58

Thank you so much for your reply. I’ve read your profile too and it is very helpful. I think I just need to make him understand he’s not on his own in this. Thank you for taking the time to give me some support xx

User
Posted 17 Feb 2019 at 21:59

Thank you for reolying to me. Im going to telephone Macmillan tomorrow as counselling would definitely help i think x

 
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