Bazza down again....

User

Posted 21 Feb 2019 at 15:22

So I have just completed round three of six chemo. PSA fallen from 41 to 25. All other bloods remarkably within normal limits and wonder of wonders, I, officially on the French healthcare system with 100% of costs covered.

With minor side effects, I thought I had this chemo thing taped. Well three days post session three, it’s come back with a vengeance. I feel absolutely shite. Like a flu times ten. My muscles ache, I am exhausted without expending any effort, feel full, my soles hurt, my fingers tingle, I have sore on my arse, groin, throat and on my face and I feel such a burden to my darling wife.

Im not sure I can do this. Im really not and am back in that dark place again where Morphine offers sweet release. It’s a terrible journey as the cancer takes hold and I get scared, very scared.

Just my observations - very very real fear and very real terror at the spreading of symptomatic cancer which steals fun and vigour from mŷ life

User

Posted 21 Feb 2019 at 16:36

Hi Bazza,

We are so sorry to hear that you feeling this way. We know you are likely to get some great support on here, but we just wanted to let you know that we are here if you want to talk. We are here until 6pm this evening, and from 9-6pm tomorrow and we would more than happy to listen.

Take care,

Lara

Specialist Nurse

User

Posted 21 Feb 2019 at 16:38

Hi Bazza

try to stick with it, Tony was bad between his 3rd and 4th chemo, since then he has just had a few days after each session feeling sh.. and he has now had 6, he thought about giving up after no 3 cause he felt so rough but like I say that was the worse he has been through all of the treatments and is having no 7 next week. stay strong, your psa is coming down so it will be worth it.

kind regards and big hugs barbara. x

User

Posted 21 Feb 2019 at 18:02

I witnessed my dad's despair at disease progression so have some understanding of how you feel . No practical advice from me but sending love and support. I'm sure your wife doesn't consider you a burden though. Take care Bazza

User

Posted 21 Feb 2019 at 18:30

Bazza

Until today I was bobbing around in a good mood (spring is here, just been offered a job, wifey is being amazing etc.). Boom. Gone. This morning I was struggling to think and I developed a bad case of the annoying fuzzy head I call a "biochemical depression head". All the negative worry thoughts that had died down over the last two weeks bounced back. I said to myself "OK. Eff it. Keep going" and slogged through it, thinking the mantra that keeps me going - "this is not me. This is something temporary that is happening to me and it will pass and be replaced by something better." Frank Herbert said it better :) Lo and behold, tonight it is beginning to subside.

Why not figure out a similar thought to keep in your head? Just keep saying "this is just temporary and I have better things to look forward to."

And you are not a burden to your wife. Both of you will find it hard some days but she's chosen to be in the fight with you because she cares about you and she wants to. Remember that when you worry about such things.

You've shown huge courage and I know that you will keep fighting.

User

Posted 21 Feb 2019 at 18:51

Sorry you're feeling like this Bazza.

I really hope you start to feel better soon. You are loved and your dear wife is by your side.

You are suffering a lot again just now but with your psa falling you are getting a good response. Easy for me to say I know.

All the best,

Ian

Ido4

User

Posted 21 Feb 2019 at 18:57

Bazza, sending strength and respect. I think of you a lot mate !

User

Posted 21 Feb 2019 at 23:51

Keep fighting Bazza. You are Spartacus, the PSA is dropping so keep going mate

Bri

User

Posted 21 Feb 2019 at 23:59

Hello Bazza,

Don't give up.

You are permitted to give in, temporarily, and indulge in fine wine.

9 years plus since DX and still going.

With a loving wife, and a life.

Do us a favour. Continue to be an inspiration to us all.

dave

All we can do - is do all that we can.

So, do all you can to help yourself, then make the best of your time. :-)

I am the statistic.

User

Posted 22 Feb 2019 at 11:05

Bazza,

Everybody has said all that i could say... Hang in there, you know it will pass , it did last time.

I do understand how you feel with the depression and it is very hard to carry on. But keep looking forward and you will see that there can be good times ahead still.

Phil

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