PPete, you really know how to strike a nerve don't you. I feel the same. I try to remember that i am very fragile so to understand my feelings better but if I open up to my wife she tells me i need to think of the good things and that she isn't going anywhere and that my counselor maybe isn't doing her job and i need to find another one. I couldn't do that. I couldn't go through telling my history again, it was too difficult the first time, and I need a woman to talk to (don't trust men - historical).
I suppose all our wives are different just like we are and are dealing with it differently. I try to be positive but its hard and I think a lot of that is down to the HT. I try not to think about how things might be if i get recurrence and was very poorly. Not sure how she would cope, or me for that matter.
I see my counselor next week and i'm going to ask more about trying to get over this feeling of uselessness and that i am a burden (currently just the mental) and not to worry so much about the future. I have G9 so more chance for recurrence than some.......
Unfortunately i spend a lot of time with my counselor going over old sh*t from my childhood so maybe i consciously need to start to leave that alone and move forward. She says i am frightened to look forward.
Blimey, isn't life complicated......
Sorry if I have not been much help but you are not alone in this. There are i'm sure many men feeling the same. Some are maybe stronger than us, some just battle through on their hands and knees like us .
(you can pm me if you want)
Peter's place, yeah maybe for some people its OK to not tell anyone but its too late now for me. I suppose you have to find what works for you. Good luck.