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Bazza - seriously bad news. Seriously

User
Posted 28 May 2019 at 14:36

So, bad news has never been this bad for me. Myself and Jo are devastated.

Had a CT scan this morning after finishing chemo on 23rd April. My scan previous to that was on 29th March and indicated PSA 50% lower at 19, three of the four lymph nodes reduced and all indications that chemo had done a good job.

Fast forward to today, all lymph’s massively increased, PSA rocketed to 90. In the words of the oncologist, huge progression with a projected death timeframe of within one year.

There are no further treatment options here, just palliative pain relief.

I am devastated. No, we are both devastated and the tears haven’t stopped flowing. I don’t know how to cope. Spartacus’ time for battle will soon be over. I am just devastated having found my one true love again so late in life, to be leaving her again so soon. This wasn’t in the script.

It’s really weird you know. When I first joined this forum back in 2010, I was so alone, so vulnerable, so uninformed. Yet great men saw me through my darkest moments, many of whom new members may not know: SpursSpark, Alathys, a number of Barry’s and others too numerous to mention. Over the years, I watched them bravely, stoically move on to that great place in the sky never once dreaming I may face the same fate. I was always going to beat this disease - yet deep down, I knew that I wasn’t. Still, as long as I had the friends on here: men much more experienced than I to advise and console, I knew I’d be alright. Well, I’ve kind of reached that stage now myself having hopefully helped a few over the years, all the old names moved on and just Bazza being a remnant of the past. Who knows? I may still last a few more years - yet the odds against my doing so decrease as time passes. Today, I feel just as alone, afraid and vulnerable as I once was all those years ago - yet also bouyed in the knowledge that I have lasted almost ten years since diagnosis and even in a time where drug treatments have improved, that’s no mean feat. 

Time will move on as time it must and in years to come, maybe some will remember me as I have remembered those who helped me so much. I hope they do. I have always tried not to interfere nor be a blanket poster, choosing my moments to post and on occasions, unashamedly posting about my own fears. But I know that in doing so, just the fact of wearing my heart in my sleeve as I invariably do, I have helped some others take or deal with their own demons.

Today has been a day of sad news for me personally, yet I know that in the long line of men out there, I am among many. Each will find levels of bravery and stoicism they never thought possible, many will also be scared as children. I waved between both. All I will say, to old and new, men and their ladies whose paths I have crossed and mine theirs, celebrate life when you can with those you love, smile but also spend time crying loudly for crying is a great antioxidant for the soul. Cry oceans if you have to. But whatever you do, breathe in the fragrance of each new day filling it with whatever floats your boat, whether that’s watching mindless TV, working, gardening, holidaying, travelling or some such. Just do your thing and let cancer call at your door after you have ignored the doorbell as many times as you dare. Thank you.

 

Bazza

 

 

 

Edited by member 28 May 2019 at 17:45  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 28 May 2019 at 21:54

I am so sorry. My oh was diagnosed in 2010 too and has had various treatments and scans since then - currently on arberatitone and steroid and zoladex. At the moment that is the plan as long as he stays stable but we have no idea how long this will be. All I can say is to live every day with love and rejoice in the little things.I will keep you in my prayers and hope that you will be able to enjoy as much as you possibly can. Do what you can and live for each day. I agree that tears are good and release some of the pressure. Since this pc took hold of our lives we have lived with tears always a moment away. Things move you more, you become different in attitude and love means everything. My love to your partner too. Praying there still is hope of some kind for you. 

 

User
Posted 30 May 2019 at 21:05
My PSA was over 1000 3 weeks ago and I am by no means dead. Hang on in there!
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User
Posted 28 May 2019 at 16:55

So sorry to read this Bazza, no words. 

 

Dream like you have forever, live like you only have today Avatar is me doing the 600 mile Camino de Santiago May 2019

User
Posted 28 May 2019 at 17:24
So sorry to read your update Bazza. Thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

You've been an inspiration to many on here, hope they keep the pain under control so you're able to get the best from the summer months.

John

User
Posted 28 May 2019 at 18:12
So sorry to hear this Bazza. You’ve helped me immensely over the years and are still helping me in decision making with your progress and journey to this day. You take care as best you can and get some red down you.
User
Posted 28 May 2019 at 18:16

Really sorry to read this Bazza.

Like Kevin I have no words.

Ido4

User
Posted 28 May 2019 at 18:40

So sorry to read this Bazza

John was diagnosed at the tail end of 2010 too, his PSA also jumped to 91 at the end of chemo in Dec and his disease had spread rapidly too. He however has been put on enzalutimide and has done well, apart from a nasty bout of sepsis of course. No one has put a time frame on his life span but I know things aren’t great. Quality of life has diminished greatly the last six months but I remember how we used to say that the fat lady was locked in the cellar for Alastair and that’s where we need to keep her, for your sake and for John’s.

Your post was wonderfully put, so many memories came flooding back for me, old friends through this forum, now long gone. Bless them all, they made my life so much better by knowing them.

Take care dear Bazza and please don’t give up.

with love 

Devonmaid xxxx

User
Posted 28 May 2019 at 18:43
Awful news, Bazza. So sorry to hear it.

Chris

User
Posted 28 May 2019 at 18:59
Really sorry to hear your devastating news Bazza.

I hope you can find the strength to have some good times through the summer.

Cheers

Bill

User
Posted 28 May 2019 at 19:00
Bazza

So sad to read. Hope you take every moment of happiness going.

Ray

User
Posted 28 May 2019 at 19:57
I am so sorry to hear your news, make every minute count, stay strong and enjoy every moment you can with your beloved.

barbara x

User
Posted 28 May 2019 at 21:29
Barry I know you said you would struggle but is it time for a 2nd opinion regarding treatment options back in the UK

Bri

User
Posted 28 May 2019 at 21:40
I totally agree with Bri’s post. Definitely a second opinion, and find out what clinical trials might be available. Good luck and best wishes, DW
User
Posted 28 May 2019 at 21:47

B

Sorry to hear your latest news, Keep going mate.

Thanks Chris

User
Posted 28 May 2019 at 21:54

I am so sorry. My oh was diagnosed in 2010 too and has had various treatments and scans since then - currently on arberatitone and steroid and zoladex. At the moment that is the plan as long as he stays stable but we have no idea how long this will be. All I can say is to live every day with love and rejoice in the little things.I will keep you in my prayers and hope that you will be able to enjoy as much as you possibly can. Do what you can and live for each day. I agree that tears are good and release some of the pressure. Since this pc took hold of our lives we have lived with tears always a moment away. Things move you more, you become different in attitude and love means everything. My love to your partner too. Praying there still is hope of some kind for you. 

 

User
Posted 28 May 2019 at 22:25

Bazza, words fail me but my heart goes out to you.  Amusez-vous bien en France, un des Plus beau pays du monde.

Ulsterman

User
Posted 28 May 2019 at 22:25
Bazza,

I am so very sorry that your news is so bad. I believe you said in a previous post that you were not up to traveling back to the UK for a consultation but I do wonder if you could discuss your situation with another oncologist (perhaps a UK one), over the telephone to check whether there may be some other treatment that could be tried having prepared a summery of your histology and various treatments to date?

Barry
User
Posted 28 May 2019 at 22:28

Bazza

Sorry to hear this. Got a lump in my throat reading it. You are a brave man.

I third the suggestions made about a second (UK) opinion plus trials. Not only have you had issues with the French medics (are they really putting all the options on the table?) but prognosis like these are a guess. The gave my friend until Xmas 2018 and she is still going on. Keep digging out options and fighting. You’ve got this far and you will go further.

Edited by member 29 May 2019 at 05:21  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 29 May 2019 at 06:41
Nothing anyone can say to help, but I'm saddened to read this latest news.

Hopefully all the help and assistance you require will be provided.

And with constant and rapid progress in research, who knows what may be found that may help. We have to hope.

atb

dave

All we can do - is do all that we can.

So, do all you can to help yourself, then make the best of your time. :-)

I am the statistic.

User
Posted 29 May 2019 at 06:52

Hi Bazza, 

I'm so sorry to hear your news.  I worry enough given my situation so I can only imagine how you're feeling now.

Thinking of you. 

Steve 

User
Posted 29 May 2019 at 11:31

Hi Bazza

i agree with others, you need to get a second opinion and ask about possible trials available either in France or the UK. I don't know if you have read the threads I have posted regarding PSMA LU-177, ACC225 or thorium 227 which look promising if your cancer express PSMA. There are maybe trials either in the UK or Europe you can access, and if not and your finances allow you can have the treatment privately in Germany, Australia etc.

Dont give up the fight Spartacus.

All the best 

Roy

 
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