Incredibly sad

Incredibly sad

User

Posted 28 May 2019 at 15:12

I’m really writing this to get it off my chest but would welcome advice from anyone in a similar position.

I have been on HT since diagnosis and always will be. Whilst this has made a difference to my libido it’s still there and I can still achieve an erection. Great you may think but my wife lost sexual desire years ago.

We are still both deeply in love with one another and kiss & cuddle regularly but I still feel the same about her emotionally and sexually as I did when she was nineteen. This is making me very sad and tears are a regular outcome.

I have had my dose of Sertraline increased by my GP on the advice of a psychiatrist and have had CBT sessions with a psychologist and have been advised that part of the emotionality will be down to the HT.

I haven’t been totally upfront will everybody though as I’ve said that it’s overwhelming intense feelings that are causing the tears etc. This is true but the sexual aspect is a major part as well. I know I should admit this but I know that will upset and make her feel bad and I can’t bring myself to do that.

Thanks for reading this.

Edited by member 20 May 2022 at 14:28 | Reason: Not specified

User

Posted 28 May 2019 at 17:04

It's good that you have support from a psychologist.

Could it be that your wife doesn't want to pressure you into sex, fearing that PCa might mean you can't perform and depress you further, but actually you would both like the same thing without realising it? Ultimately, you will need to find a way to communicate, to discover what the issue is. Maybe approaching the subject without indicating it's a big issue for you initially, giving her the opportunity to say from her side without fearing she's letting you down - perhaps approach it like you're worried you are letting her down, and you don't want to do that.

Another suggestion is to call the specialist nurse number at the top of this page. Most of the calls they get are for emotional issues, and they may have some helpful ideas on how to do this, or where to get advice.

I think your issue is not uncommon in non-PCa couples. I'm sure others will be along with suggestions too.

Edited by member 28 May 2019 at 17:23 | Reason: Not specified

User

Posted 28 May 2019 at 18:06

Hi Andy,

Thanks for the reply. She’s the same kind, funny, affectionate & beautiful person she’s always been.

Edited by member 20 May 2022 at 14:29 | Reason: Not specified

User

Posted 29 May 2019 at 06:51

Hi Davywis,

I am sorry to read that you and your wife apparently view some aspects of your relationship differently. And I appreciate your wish to protect your wife from the potential hurt to her that having that discussion with her may bring about. Not going to second guess whether having it may help or whatever.

Please consider that this is a public forum, and you have a photo on your profile. Anyone can read this and see the photo, and she might be made aware by a n other. She might read this here? You may wish to remove the picture to regain some anonymity?

Talking to relevant experts helps some people. Mediation also helps some people. Not all, but maybe worth a try in your case?

atb

dave

All we can do - is do all that we can.

So, do all you can to help yourself, then make the best of your time. :-)

I am the statistic.

User

Posted 29 May 2019 at 08:09

As someone for whom sex was the most important element of my life ore PCa, can I say now from my particular ivory tower that nothing can ever compare to the intimacy of just sharing the same breathe as your soul mate. I wish you well in overcoming your demons but in time, you will come to see that all that matters is being alive and well and in love.

User

Posted 29 May 2019 at 10:07

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

Hi Davywis,

I am sorry to read that you and your wife apparently view some aspects of your relationship differently. And I appreciate your wish to protect your wife from the potential hurt to her that having that discussion with her may bring about. Not going to second guess whether having it may help or whatever.

Please consider that this is a public forum, and you have a photo on your profile. Anyone can read this and see the photo, and she might be made aware by a n other. She might read this here? You may wish to remove the picture to regain some anonymity?

Talking to relevant experts helps some people. Mediation also helps some people. Not all, but maybe worth a try in your case?

atb

Thanks for the suggestions. I thought long and hard about posting this here but had forgotten totally about the photo. To my knowledge no one we know uses this forum but thanks - I’ll remove it.

Edited by member 20 May 2022 at 14:26 | Reason: Not specified

User

Posted 29 May 2019 at 10:33

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

Thanks Bazza,

I love her more than life itself. Just being with her this last years is far more important than sex but it still doesn’t stop me being upset at it’s demise.

I was so sorry to read your last post and wish you all the best

Edited by member 20 May 2022 at 14:24 | Reason: Not specified

User

Posted 08 Jul 2019 at 20:39

Thanks for posting this Dave, it help me to know I'm not alone with this problem

Chris

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