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Bazza - is this the end?

User
Posted 31 Jul 2019 at 14:32

And so I write this from my attic bedroom in southern France not knowing if it’ll be my last ever post.

 

I am day 23 into radiotherapy of my groin and para aortic lymph nodes to try and relieve some of the Edema pressure this leg is causing. The past three days have been the worst ever. My weight has plummeted from from 92 at the start to 87 and now 84kg and I have not slept for four nights. I haven’t had an appetite for two weeks nor eaten properly save for the odd peach or slice of toast a day. I have no energy, my body looks emaciated and I am fearing the worst. Yesterday, I hardly made it to hospital and had to be wheeled in for my radiotherapy.the doctor prescribed tabs for my diarrhoea and sickness. Today, I asked another about the lack of sleep and was given sleeping tabs.

 

My question is, is this it? Am I end stage, near the end? I feel wretched and cannot imagine feeling any worse. If it is to get worse, I do not have the courage or strength for this.

 

I am truly scared.

 

Bazza 

Ten. YES BLOODY 10 years since DX!!

I am Spartacus - with the strength of iron, a will of steel and the fight to give this disease a real run for its money!! 

User
Posted 31 Jul 2019 at 19:20
It might be, or it could be the diarrhoea or maybe just be the impact of the radiotherapy? Are you needing a lot of pain relief? Is the oedema rising up your belly and / or affecting major organs like the liver & kidneys?
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 31 Jul 2019 at 19:35

Lyn, no pain, just beyond fatigue fatigue. Odema much better in leg, not causing issues. Just so seriously shattered, doc ordered bloods as las one taken 9 weeks ago. Psa then 95. X

Ten. YES BLOODY 10 years since DX!!

I am Spartacus - with the strength of iron, a will of steel and the fight to give this disease a real run for its money!! 

User
Posted 31 Jul 2019 at 21:01
I have no answers but if you are not eating and experiencing diorrhea too, combined with radiotherapy and no sleep then you are bound to feel fatigue. I am sorry you are frightened but try to make sure you drink plenty and maybe try small amounts of anything you fancy to eat. Can you get those protein drinks in France which will give you the nutrients you need and are easy to digest.?

I sincerely pray that the treatment will work and give you extra time. I hope you and your lady can sit together and share your love through these rough times. I do not want this to be your last post - lots of people wish you well again. I will include you in my prayers.

User
Posted 31 Jul 2019 at 21:31
I was just thinking of you yesterday Bazza and wondered who to contact. You are truly Ill l for sure I guess , but it’s good that you can still reach out. My psa is likely over 200 now but as we know that isn’t all that counts. When I was 50 I was told I’d have 5 or 6 years. I’ve refused all treatment so far since RP. Glad I did ! It’s been a joy to be out of hospital. You were the king of acceptance. You taught me acceptance. I still believe in it totally. I’ve accepted and so have you a long time ago. I guess you are just getting worse and I don’t know how that feels tbh. I hope you last a lot longer Bazza but only at your own boundaries. God be with you and try to enjoy the little things you like. A glass of wine ,some asparagus etc. Just enjoy each day :/))

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

User
Posted 31 Jul 2019 at 23:08
If oedema is improving, it is unlikely that you are experiencing organ failure. I don't think this is it, Bazza - I think it is perhaps the RT and lack of nutrients. The idea of food replacement shakes is a good one if you can bear to try?

Remember what Alathays used to say - it ain't over till the fat lady sings - and TopGun would say "we are keeping her locked in the cupboard". Don't you stop posting on me yet x

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 01 Aug 2019 at 10:14

Bazza,

Sorry to hear your going through a really rough time at the moment, but with the oedema improving, I'm reckoning the tabs will work too, which will bring your appetite and strength back.  I'll be looking for the next report to contain the likes of "croissont de chocolat", "jambon buerre", "cassoulet", "coq au vin"!

Keep strong Spartacus!

Flexi

 

 
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