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Death of Normal Sex??

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User
Posted 21 Nov 2019 at 23:21

I am much more forthcoming than my husband and I am an avid internet searcher for answers.  My husband, now 51, was diagnosed with prostate cancer 3 days out of rehab for alcoholism and his Gleason score came back at a 7. No other approach was given other then he needed to do something whether chemo or robotic surgery.  The side effects were dismal in reading.  After not having any intimate relationship for a good part of our marriage due to alcohol I finally got my husband back and our marriage was that of our youth.  Only weeks later I was told he needed to do something about his cancer sooner than later.  All these glossy and no true statistics that "yes, you will get your sex life back" had me paranoid.  Everyone says, "Well, at least it is prostate cancer, it is the most treatable and highest percentage survival rate."  Yeah, but after reading our sex life is dead, at least that is what I wanted to reply.  I was so angry.  I cursed God and life itself.  I didn't realize how much I missed sex with my husband until he got clean and we started communicating again, spending time together again, and yes, were intimate again.  And the more I read the more I spiraled.  I was missing not having sex with him in the future and we were not even to that point yet.  Honestly, when he made the appointment for the surgery (and I forced him to push it to months in advance selfishly so I could get in as much sex time with him as possible) I counted the days to the dreaded day.

He had the robotic nerve sparing surgery in October.  It has been a little over a month.  The incontinence was there and at the beginning it really bothered him, he was in total denial like the old alcoholic person he was.  We had to get depends from Walgreens on the way home from the catheter removal because he told me he was not going to need them...and he humbly realized he was wrong when his sweatpants were soaked in the 20 minute ride home from the hospital.  But the recovery from that according to him has been better than I expected.  A month in and he says he only has insurance pads just in case.  He would be mortified to know I told anyone but in the last week he finally came around to being more intimate and he was shocked when he leaked during that time.  Honestly, it did not bother me, I was just happy he was interested in me and that part of our relationship.  

After a month of not even talking about the ED we started talking about the ED.  I thought he was just not going to be interested in sex anymore.  But some light switch came on 4 weeks post op and it was all he talked about, researched, etc.  He was p****d the Dr did not prescribe him Cialis or Viagra yet.  We ordered a recommended vacuum pump from researching.  I am now worrying about the alcoholic side of him again because everywhere I read I just keep seeing that 1 month post op there is just not going to be anything happening.  I don't expect it, but I do think his his twisted brain he does.  He got the Dr to call in a script for Cialis.  OK, so that starts now. They don't want him to use the vacuum pump for now (the nurse said it would be discussed at the 8 week appt).  My concern is now if nothing happens for him with the meds in the next week he is going to slip into that rabbit hole and suddenly sex will go off the table for us.  

I feel horrible saying this but in all honesty I am terrified of not being able to have "normal sex" with my husband again.  I am in that phase where I am so mad at the cancer, the doctor who did the surgery and yes, again, at God.  I have done way more searching online for answers and every article gets bleaker and bleaker on the outcome for us.  "There is very little likelihood you will get your erections back", "Your erections will NEVER be what they used to be", "be OK with experimenting and not having penetrating sex"..WTF, really???  So, not what I want to hear.  But I am a truth person so I would rather hear the truth than to get pie in the sky and rainbow answers filled with hope that if I pray hard enough or we do enough"penile therapy" that it will come back again.  

So for those who have been through this I am searching for real life, real truth answers.  I also would like to know what I can do as his wife to help him emotionally when reality hits him like a brick wall (and I know it will, refer to my "Depends" story above).  What kind of outcome are we looking at here?  

 

User
Posted 22 Nov 2019 at 08:03
Try and be patient, spend the time learning other ways to pleasure each other sexually but try not to put any pressure on him regarding penetrative sex, believe me that will not help.

It took me a few years, a broken marriage and a range of girfriends before I got my mojo back. What worked in the end was making sure there was no pressure, just fun and love. Oh and get him a Durex cock ring once he starts to get a reliable semi stiffie it really helps keep it up and makes the arousal leaks more manageable.

User
Posted 22 Nov 2019 at 06:26
I don’t have time to answer in full now but I will ok in due course. Click my picture and read my profile. I was 48 at surgery. I am now Fully recovered in that dept using daily 5mg Cialis. Sex at the click of a switch. But it took 2 yrs to get there. You need to tell us whether he had nerve sparing surgery or not as it makes a difference. And expect a 1 to 2 inch shorter penis over time. Yes yes yes you can overcome this honestly if you are lucky but you need to put daily effort in with the pump when you healed properly. I still use mine 4 1/2 yrs in to keep him stretched and healthy. After surgery I would say we were having more sex than most people we know , but we really branched out on toys and other new stuff etc. Also I’m not sure what either of your tastes are , but for us it was mostly oral sex both ways to keep the pleasure alive. You will be able to give him orgasms with a completely flaccid penis with a blowjob believe me. It works. Good luck with your journey. Yes 2 yrs seems a long haul but we genuinely had loads of fun getting there.
User
Posted 22 Nov 2019 at 11:31

This might help

https://community.prostatecanceruk.org/posts/m226323-One-wife-s-story-of-ED#post226323

 

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 22 Nov 2019 at 21:12

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
Even men with non nerve sparing can achieve erections if they inject themselves 

 

Some men with non nerve sparing may achieve erections using injections  .... and not all men with nerve sparing are successful with injections either, sadly 

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 22 Nov 2019 at 21:51
I think you need to pick your injection and try all on the market. Caverject didn’t really work for me even with nerve sparing , whereas Invicorp was absolutely fab. The bumph says it works on 70% of men where all else has failed.

Many men just wont put the effort into the pump or may not have time to be fair , but simple physics and getting the ring right means that most men can have penetrative sex as soon as safe after surgery. And that can lead to a very positive mental attitude which is key. Yes there is a degree of “ luck “ to regaining erectile function , but in my opinion it also takes a shed-load of effort , positivity and a willing partner. It’s very unlikely to fix itself after surgery.

User
Posted 23 Nov 2019 at 09:09
Yes just too soon but an essential bit of kit when you get the go ahead. Doesn’t need to be used for penetration. Just get and keep him hard inside without the rings each day as long as possible. The 5 mg Cialis is a great drug also and with this combination you may be heading the right way to great recovery. Just be aware this may be over 12 months down the road. Even 2 yrs. But each intimacy between you must be the real deal as Cialis and the other tablets need proper desire and stimulatiion to work. Maybe buy a book on better sex and work through it together both blushing :-))
User
Posted 23 Nov 2019 at 09:58
Vacuum?

Dyson, Hoover or trusty old Henry?

I wouldn’t risk it with a Shark!

Cheers, John

User
Posted 23 Nov 2019 at 10:11

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
In the US the doctors are not keen on giving injections, you have to go through the trial and error of meds first.

The tablets are what's known as PDE5 inhibitors (Sildenafil/Viagra, Tadalafil/Cialis, Vardenafil/Levitra, Avanafil/Stendra/Spendra). These amplify the effect of natural arousal via the nerves, and work when either there are fewer working nerves than originally, or if arousal is less than originally (e.g. men on hormone therapy), but there must be some arousal, and some nerves to carry the signal to the penis. Erections are still triggered by arousal and terminated by loss of arousal, and so feel more natural. These would be the first line for penile health and for sex events.

Penile injections are what's known as vasodilator drugs (also available in other topical forms). These bypass the nerve mechanism and act directly on the smooth muscle walls of the blood vessels in the penis, so these can generate erections when there are no working nerves, and no arousal. Indeed, the erection will last until the drug wears off, which can be a long time after you got bored with the erection. This would be used for sex events rather than penile rehabilitation. You probably wouldn't want to use this as frequently as you should be having erections for penile rehabilitation purposes - there is a small chance of damaging the penis which would be amplified by that frequency of use (quite apart from the cost).

So it's right that you start by trying the PDE5 inhibitors, and only go on to use vasodilators for sex if the PDE5 inhibitors don't work for sex.

Tadalafil/Cialis 5mg daily low dose will help penile rehabilitation even if it doesn't yet give you erections. The other PDE5 inhibitors don't have a long enough half-life for daily low doses to be effective.

If you aren't getting erections often enough, that's when you would particularly benefit from using a vacuum pump (but not too soon after surgery). However, if you can get daily low dose (5mg) Tadalafil/Cialis, and that works for giving you frequent erections, that's better than a vacuum pump as it exercises more of the penis. Of course you can do both.

Edited by member 23 Nov 2019 at 11:20  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 25 Nov 2019 at 00:21

Hi

All very relevant advice already, so can't add much more other than I had non nerve sparing.  See my profile.   No ED and on zero meds.

Maybe I'm the very fortunate one Lyn refers to.

However do be  very very patient, you both I assume are  potentially quite fragile. Hopefully detox means zero alcohol from now. 

Very briefly, it took 3 years for us, PDE5 was no use. We never explored injections.  VED the most effective, thankfully collecting dust now.   Following info from Chris  we tried  alphrostadil creme for a few weeks.  Not effective.

Reduce anxiety if you can, leave the VED alone for at least 2 months, he's still healing.  

This doc. is good.

https://prostatecanceruk.org/media/2477451/treating-ed-after-surgery-for-pelvic-cancers.pdf

 

 

No proof re. Pelvic exercise, however I did these prior to op.  and still do.  

Hope this helps.

Gordon

 

Edited by moderator 13 Jul 2023 at 06:49  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 26 Nov 2019 at 11:09
Any sign of life down there this early is a good sign, Cialis or not.
User
Posted 23 Dec 2019 at 05:41

Hello 

I had surgery and the cancer has been cured but guaranteed 100% ED in place .Nobody seems to have any idea how to recover from this apart from obvious suggestions of the blue tablets .Partner moved on because of this and potential new partners run for the hills when they know Percy is in effective .Any ideas ?

 

 

 

User
Posted 23 Dec 2019 at 11:31

It was nerve sparing RP two years ago .Heart is ok but I have not seen an ED nurse.i had the surgery privately and this was not on offer as post op service 

 

User
Posted 27 Dec 2019 at 20:38
I am sorry that your partner behaved this way; perhaps s/he didn't deserve you. The wife of one of our dearest friends left him shortly after his RP; she said that seeing him use the vacuum pump killed any feelings she had for him. Joyously, he now has a very happy life with a partner who loves him very much.
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

Show Most Thanked Posts
User
Posted 22 Nov 2019 at 06:26
I don’t have time to answer in full now but I will ok in due course. Click my picture and read my profile. I was 48 at surgery. I am now Fully recovered in that dept using daily 5mg Cialis. Sex at the click of a switch. But it took 2 yrs to get there. You need to tell us whether he had nerve sparing surgery or not as it makes a difference. And expect a 1 to 2 inch shorter penis over time. Yes yes yes you can overcome this honestly if you are lucky but you need to put daily effort in with the pump when you healed properly. I still use mine 4 1/2 yrs in to keep him stretched and healthy. After surgery I would say we were having more sex than most people we know , but we really branched out on toys and other new stuff etc. Also I’m not sure what either of your tastes are , but for us it was mostly oral sex both ways to keep the pleasure alive. You will be able to give him orgasms with a completely flaccid penis with a blowjob believe me. It works. Good luck with your journey. Yes 2 yrs seems a long haul but we genuinely had loads of fun getting there.
User
Posted 22 Nov 2019 at 08:03
Try and be patient, spend the time learning other ways to pleasure each other sexually but try not to put any pressure on him regarding penetrative sex, believe me that will not help.

It took me a few years, a broken marriage and a range of girfriends before I got my mojo back. What worked in the end was making sure there was no pressure, just fun and love. Oh and get him a Durex cock ring once he starts to get a reliable semi stiffie it really helps keep it up and makes the arousal leaks more manageable.

User
Posted 22 Nov 2019 at 11:31

This might help

https://community.prostatecanceruk.org/posts/m226323-One-wife-s-story-of-ED#post226323

 

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 22 Nov 2019 at 18:47

Thank you to everyone.  I appreciate the input.  My husband had the nerve sparing surgery.  I have asked 3 times if both nerves spared via email.  I have yet to get a direct response.  I was told by his doctor the surgery was textbook and he seemed very proud of himself.  Yes, not very fond of his doctor, he is much like a surgeon and thinks he is awesome but his bedside manner leaves much to be desired.  We go back to the doctor in a few weeks and I will face to face again ask if one or both nerves were spared.  He keeps talking to us about the "cobwebs" (the nerves that effect the blood flow I am assuming) and when you move or disturb those nerves that is what effects the function.  He also was point blank in saying that if any of those "cobwebs" were broken they do not recover and you get what you get, and there is no way to tell how many of those nerves are damaged in surgery and every person is different.  I would like to say both nerves were spared but without actual confirmation from the doctor I honestly don't know.

Since my husband's in recovery from alcoholism talking openly has been the best outcome from his first born disease.  So the cancer disease just brought out more open conversation.  Thankfully we have that openness.  My husband realizes he is still the "instant gratification" sort of person and so my concern is that he is not going to give his body enough time to heal and expect things to be back to normal.  He has already put in his mental head that the penetrative sex thing will happen by the end of the year.  That is 6 weeks away and only 2 1/2 months post op.  I feel like it is an unobtainable goal and worried how this may effect him mentally.  I outwardly do not try to pressure him about it.  He does enough of that to himself.  

I have been very open with my husband about doing other things.  I even bought a toy for the first time right before his surgery.  His is very conservative, very religious upbringing, his family very, very closed about sex.  His father had his prostate removed 20 years ago and when my husband's diagnosis came out they were very pushy about him just getting done with the surgery because a husband with no prostate is better than a dead husband.  His father went though absolutely no penile rehabilitation.  That being said my husband does not have that same view.  Our discussion last night was about why exactly is the penetrative sex so important.  The answer was because it was not so much a physical thing but an emotional/mental thing.  We missed a huge part of connecting in our marriage because of alcohol.  Since he has been out of rehab sex became very important to us because we finally were connecting on a level we had not for almost 15 years.  So I think our reasons for it has more to do with how much time we lost in that connection.  

I believe we are probably in need of a sex therapist at this point.  Neither one of us are good in the "creative" department.  When I do talk to others and they tell us to "be creative" or "do other things" and it makes my husband blush and he just can't hardly talk about it much less know what else to do.  We are not prudes, don't get me wrong, but if I am being honest we have just done what we have done for the 26 years of our marriage and it made us both happy.  And now we can't do that anymore so we have to learn an alternative way of doing that.  

Thanks again, and I appreciate all who have responded so far.  It is so good to find a place to freely talk to others who have gone through this and get honest answers and suggestions. 

Edited by member 22 Nov 2019 at 18:47  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 22 Nov 2019 at 19:41
The surgeon probably doesn’t understand your question - asking whether ‘both nerves’ were saved doesn’t make any sense as there are loads of nerves. The cobweb analogy is a good one.

You could ask the surgeon whether there was total or partial nerve sparing but I think you have already had the answer; it was full nerve sparing but with an acknowledgement that the nerves can remain in situ but are left damaged by the surgery. No point you over-fixating on it as it doesn’t make a huge difference to whether or not he will regain erectile function. There are many men on here who had full nerve sparing and have never had an erection again, we have one member who had all nerves removed but by great fortune, has regained his erections. Most men that have full or partial nerve sparing are left with some level of ED.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 22 Nov 2019 at 20:24
I think from all my experience both on this site and personally ( which is quite extensive ) , that communication and the ability to change is utterly key in regaining recovery !! If you can’t talk and adapt and try everything going to recover then it’s likely not to happen. Some men literally crumble when their sex life and erection is lost. They lock themselves in a room and don’t try or don’t know how to try. Even men with non nerve sparing can achieve erections if they inject themselves , but many men are unwilling to do this ( understandably ) but it’s actually no big deal at all if you truly want the result. I hope you can find the way to move forward with this. It can truly be fun and exciting and maybe more adventurous than ever before , which in itself is helping recovery. Just try and support him and yourself also and find your way. Hide the blushes and explore new stuff. When agreed use the pump as much as possible. Penetration is possible straight away with pump use. Not the same but still does the job with the right ring in place. But use it anyway to keep the tissue healthy. Keep up with the daily Cialis and remember orgasm is possible without erection for a man.

Best wishes

User
Posted 22 Nov 2019 at 20:25

Adora

If you Google prostate nerve bundles the diagrams may help you understand how the nerves are spread around the prostate. Some guys are told they can spare the right or left side depending on where the cancer is. I was "supposedly" none nerve sparing so in theory all nerves were removed. I did show early signs of recovery but due to other complications I never made a recovery, I am now five and a half years post op and strange things still happen with out any chemical assistance. 

Also Google flaccid intercourse, you don't need an erection for  penetrative sex if you can master the technique it can be out of this world for both of you. 

It can be a long journey but it can be fun trying to solve the ED, sounds like he has got the best chance of recovery having a partner who is willing to help.

Thanks Chris

 

 

Edited by member 22 Nov 2019 at 20:28  | Reason: Spelling

User
Posted 22 Nov 2019 at 21:12

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
Even men with non nerve sparing can achieve erections if they inject themselves 

 

Some men with non nerve sparing may achieve erections using injections  .... and not all men with nerve sparing are successful with injections either, sadly 

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 22 Nov 2019 at 21:51
I think you need to pick your injection and try all on the market. Caverject didn’t really work for me even with nerve sparing , whereas Invicorp was absolutely fab. The bumph says it works on 70% of men where all else has failed.

Many men just wont put the effort into the pump or may not have time to be fair , but simple physics and getting the ring right means that most men can have penetrative sex as soon as safe after surgery. And that can lead to a very positive mental attitude which is key. Yes there is a degree of “ luck “ to regaining erectile function , but in my opinion it also takes a shed-load of effort , positivity and a willing partner. It’s very unlikely to fix itself after surgery.

User
Posted 22 Nov 2019 at 23:10

In the US the doctors are not keen on giving injections, you have to go through the trial and error of meds first. Not sure why that is.  We have a severly autistic son and we had to use out of the country drugs for chelation.  I think medicine in our country is lacking compared to others and many more hoops to jump through before they are FDA approved. The injections are almost a "last resort"  according to his doctor.  My husband was vehemently opposed to those a few weeks back but as of recent not been so opposed.  He just started 5mg Cilias so that is our start for now.    

The doctor put the big kabosh on the vacuum pump for us already.  I want to know why but our follow up is in a few weeks and my husband and I are OK with waiting to ask (him more than me if I am being honest).  All over I read about the VED being a good therapy and easily convinced my husband of that.  I will say we tried it before telling the doctor and it sucked EVERYTHING in and scared him half to death (we joke about it now but at the time I was worried we would have a trip to the hospital and give all the night staff a good laugh).  Fortunately he has read as much as me and is ready for the VED therapy himself.  If that means he can reach his goal by the end of the year I am sure he will be putting in the effort.  I am wondering if the not using it right away has something to do with him still healing?  I haven't seen anything from my reading so far.

 

 

User
Posted 23 Nov 2019 at 00:22
They are a last resort in the UK as well.

It is too soon for you to use the vacuum - it could damage the new join between the bladder and the urethra.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 23 Nov 2019 at 07:19
I tried the pump too soon, caused a bleeding episode.
User
Posted 23 Nov 2019 at 09:09
Yes just too soon but an essential bit of kit when you get the go ahead. Doesn’t need to be used for penetration. Just get and keep him hard inside without the rings each day as long as possible. The 5 mg Cialis is a great drug also and with this combination you may be heading the right way to great recovery. Just be aware this may be over 12 months down the road. Even 2 yrs. But each intimacy between you must be the real deal as Cialis and the other tablets need proper desire and stimulatiion to work. Maybe buy a book on better sex and work through it together both blushing :-))
User
Posted 23 Nov 2019 at 09:58
Vacuum?

Dyson, Hoover or trusty old Henry?

I wouldn’t risk it with a Shark!

Cheers, John

User
Posted 23 Nov 2019 at 10:11

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
In the US the doctors are not keen on giving injections, you have to go through the trial and error of meds first.

The tablets are what's known as PDE5 inhibitors (Sildenafil/Viagra, Tadalafil/Cialis, Vardenafil/Levitra, Avanafil/Stendra/Spendra). These amplify the effect of natural arousal via the nerves, and work when either there are fewer working nerves than originally, or if arousal is less than originally (e.g. men on hormone therapy), but there must be some arousal, and some nerves to carry the signal to the penis. Erections are still triggered by arousal and terminated by loss of arousal, and so feel more natural. These would be the first line for penile health and for sex events.

Penile injections are what's known as vasodilator drugs (also available in other topical forms). These bypass the nerve mechanism and act directly on the smooth muscle walls of the blood vessels in the penis, so these can generate erections when there are no working nerves, and no arousal. Indeed, the erection will last until the drug wears off, which can be a long time after you got bored with the erection. This would be used for sex events rather than penile rehabilitation. You probably wouldn't want to use this as frequently as you should be having erections for penile rehabilitation purposes - there is a small chance of damaging the penis which would be amplified by that frequency of use (quite apart from the cost).

So it's right that you start by trying the PDE5 inhibitors, and only go on to use vasodilators for sex if the PDE5 inhibitors don't work for sex.

Tadalafil/Cialis 5mg daily low dose will help penile rehabilitation even if it doesn't yet give you erections. The other PDE5 inhibitors don't have a long enough half-life for daily low doses to be effective.

If you aren't getting erections often enough, that's when you would particularly benefit from using a vacuum pump (but not too soon after surgery). However, if you can get daily low dose (5mg) Tadalafil/Cialis, and that works for giving you frequent erections, that's better than a vacuum pump as it exercises more of the penis. Of course you can do both.

Edited by member 23 Nov 2019 at 11:20  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 25 Nov 2019 at 00:21

Hi

All very relevant advice already, so can't add much more other than I had non nerve sparing.  See my profile.   No ED and on zero meds.

Maybe I'm the very fortunate one Lyn refers to.

However do be  very very patient, you both I assume are  potentially quite fragile. Hopefully detox means zero alcohol from now. 

Very briefly, it took 3 years for us, PDE5 was no use. We never explored injections.  VED the most effective, thankfully collecting dust now.   Following info from Chris  we tried  alphrostadil creme for a few weeks.  Not effective.

Reduce anxiety if you can, leave the VED alone for at least 2 months, he's still healing.  

This doc. is good.

https://prostatecanceruk.org/media/2477451/treating-ed-after-surgery-for-pelvic-cancers.pdf

 

 

No proof re. Pelvic exercise, however I did these prior to op.  and still do.  

Hope this helps.

Gordon

 

Edited by moderator 13 Jul 2023 at 06:49  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 25 Nov 2019 at 13:31

I too had non nerve sparing (2016)and recovered probably 90% function albeit with Tadalafil 5mg daily. I learned quickly it’s not always helpful to share such news in this very special context and group, as it’s certainly not the typical result and can apparently appear to be motivated by sentiments other than fellow-feeling and shared experience, and no one needs that. I suppose the vast majority of perceived success stories simply move on and aren’t heard from in the same numbers as from those who haven’t fared so well.

I shared the attached paper previously, and even if it suffers the drawback of all such studies in that it’s retrospective and therefore potentially outdated very quickly, that should really mean the picture is even better than portrayed by the raw numbers.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25270277

 

One new interesting point, and I add it as one of the other contributors has already mentioned it, is alcohol. The surgeon who did my (da Vinci) op, and with whom I had discussed sexual recovery at length called me recently to confirm an observation in my medical notes was still current, and that was to do with zero alcohol intake. He told me there was a theory being developed by his Professional College that alcohol intake was much more heavily implicated in poor post-op sexual recovery than previously acknowledged ( a double whammy since people in extreme and unhappy circumstance often try to relieve their unhappiness via that route)

Let’s see.

Edited by member 25 Nov 2019 at 14:11  | Reason: URL link corrected

User
Posted 25 Nov 2019 at 14:37

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
Vacuum?

Dyson, Hoover or trusty old Henry?

I wouldn’t risk it with a Shark!

Cheers, John

 

I'm rolling on the floor and laughing out so much HAHAHAHA 

User
Posted 25 Nov 2019 at 17:04

My aggravation is this topic of conversation seems so taboo.  Just like alcoholism I was looking for support groups, etc to help because cancer regardless of what kind and the after effects is a recovery too.  Add in the benefits of incontinence and ED and suddenly everyone doesn't talk about it and studies are unreliable as a result.  

My husband has been alcohol free since May 17th.  He says he has no desire to drink and based on what he reads he definitely is not tempted to relapse.  I often wondered if his past drinking would effect his recovery of ED.  My husband was much like the masses and did not want to ask in depth questions or get past experiences from others either due to embarrassment or the subconscious belief he would just not have these issues (which he has already voiced that a few times).  

I will say that he has been 4 days on Cialis and saw slight functioning in just the couple of times of seeing what would happen.  It definitely is a "let's see" daily approach at this juncture.

 

User
Posted 25 Nov 2019 at 18:26

Dear Adore 

 

I was drinking every day well almost...But with limits.Im a Close protections officer and a Chauffeur for private individuals 

Stupidly I had to ho ahead with RP operation last year even when I wasn't suffering much and no history of prostate even in my extended family members.

 

Anyways nearly a year ago had to go ahead RP operation since than I became a priest....after the operation they advised me to use caverject to help to have sex yes my sex life is not so bad even I do complain about it but in my opinion use of pump daily is more effects than anything else.yes it's a boring things to do but that's our part of fates now.also As lyn  says public floor exercises is a must..

 

Re alchol...I lived in your country (Tennessee) banned for driving over there because of I was over the drink limits .

Being alcoholic is not an excuse for anything it's kinda self choices really. 

 

Maybe this is not appropriate my apologies please but I was always adventures re sex life I'm a members of swingers clubs ,sauna etc.so that way I have a colourful sex life.

I know every body is different but if anybody is around age of 50 something than they shouldn't given up of sex life.easly!!

 

Regards

D.R

User
Posted 25 Nov 2019 at 23:51

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

My aggravation is this topic of conversation seems so taboo.  Just like alcoholism I was looking for support groups, etc to help because cancer regardless of what kind and the after effects is a recovery too.  Add in the benefits of incontinence and ED and suddenly everyone doesn't talk about it and studies are unreliable as a result.  

My husband has been alcohol free since May 17th.  He says he has no desire to drink and based on what he reads he definitely is not tempted to relapse.  I often wondered if his past drinking would effect his recovery of ED.  My husband was much like the masses and did not want to ask in depth questions or get past experiences from others either due to embarrassment or the subconscious belief he would just not have these issues (which he has already voiced that a few times).  

I will say that he has been 4 days on Cialis and saw slight functioning in just the couple of times of seeing what would happen.  It definitely is a "let's see" daily approach at this juncture.

 

 

 

Your husband when he was a healthy man he was just a alcohol consumer....he had a family..decent life style etc

But prostate cancers treatments etc that is different.....so as a man sexually morally we are handicapped compared to those men whom has no prostate problems etc.

I have a beautiful girl friend and others friends. .sex never been a taboo for me.my previous boss has running his 7 strips clubs in and around london so that can say a lot. Saying that after the operation we are kinda half man.so much proudly guys gone...nothing will change us ....damage has done..rest of our life we will have questions in our mind...such as ....When my little fella wakes up aroused am I going to drop some pee?how could I say to the woman I have sex with that..may I have your permission please I just need to inject a caverject to my penis to get erection!!!...ok..what if wont erect?? So my point is embarrassments will be always there until we die.....and your husband sadly he was an alcoholic he had an operation now he is stopped...drinking...well hope he can stay that way but I dont think so he can given up drinking. 

If I was a alcoholic (yes I was too my self but I enjoyed drinking because of it was part of my work-life) did not drink because of I was feeling sad or unhappy.

So before the operation he was alcoholic 

Now he had operation ..so more worries already in his mind but eventually he will start drinking again. I hope I'm wrong but that's what my logic says. 

Men proud is in his underpants and under age of 70 in the UK classes as a young man !

And if I was a 70 years old man than I would not even think of sex ..because of sex is doesnt mean everything. 

 

D.R

User
Posted 26 Nov 2019 at 11:09
Any sign of life down there this early is a good sign, Cialis or not.
User
Posted 26 Nov 2019 at 11:33

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
Any sign of life down there this early is a good sign, Cialis or not.[/quot

What a positive comment...from you.

But when shall we live if not now!

You have my invitation in London's one of the top Sw..  venue 

Edited by member 28 Nov 2019 at 02:23  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 28 Nov 2019 at 17:52

While every patient is different, you can still be optimistic. You are at a very early stage.

In my case (only one nerve spared) like your husband I started to feel "stirrings" not long after starting on the tadalafil, but any changes weren't visible. I also began using the pump, its function is primarily to preserve the elasticity of the erectile tissue which is a crucial property. Slowly over the next several months my penis became more responsive and eventually capable of a full blown erection, though it has never got back to coming as easily as it used to . However my wife and I do now have a similar level of sex life as before, it just takes longer and I depend on her patience and assistance.

That slight response your husband feels is very encouraging. Just hang on in there.

User
Posted 23 Dec 2019 at 05:41

Hello 

I had surgery and the cancer has been cured but guaranteed 100% ED in place .Nobody seems to have any idea how to recover from this apart from obvious suggestions of the blue tablets .Partner moved on because of this and potential new partners run for the hills when they know Percy is in effective .Any ideas ?

 

 

 

User
Posted 23 Dec 2019 at 07:50

Harry 

I don't think there are any easy ways to recover from ED , you have got to experiment and work at it. Have you had any appointments with an ED nurse or doctor since your surgery, what have you tried ? There  numerous conversations on here with help, advice and personal experiences.

Thanks Chris

Edited by member 23 Dec 2019 at 07:51  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 23 Dec 2019 at 08:01
There is also a mental element to ED (I suffer from this) so some form of counselling may help.
User
Posted 23 Dec 2019 at 08:31

Harry,

Can you give a timeline:
When you had surgery, was it nerve sparing, or partial, or none?
Timeline of what ED drugs or appliances you have tried since then, and if any of them gave you even the slightest feel of arousal, even if no visible effect?

Many people I counsel are on wrong treatments after prostatectomy, because many GP's don't understand the purpose of the treatments at this stage. Getting the treatments corrected can get things moving.

User
Posted 23 Dec 2019 at 11:24
I think one of the problems for Harry is that he can’t use the vacuum or injections due to heart problems.

Harry, I can’t remember whether you had nerve sparing or non nerve sparing RP but the little blue tablets don't work if you have had all the nerves removed. If not already done so, ask your GP for a referral to the local ED nurse or andrology service.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 23 Dec 2019 at 11:31

It was nerve sparing RP two years ago .Heart is ok but I have not seen an ED nurse.i had the surgery privately and this was not on offer as post op service 

 

User
Posted 23 Dec 2019 at 18:24

You are still entitled to get ED help on the NHS, even if you had private surgery, but it won't happen automatically. Are you getting regular PSA tests?

Ask your GP for an ED clinic referral. You should be doing penile rehabilitation, i.e. 5mg daily low dose Tadalafil, and using a vacuum pump if that's not giving you erections.

However, 2 years with no progress is often the point at which waiting for nerve recovery is abandoned, and people decide they will need vasodilator drugs for sex, although if you haven't done any penile rehabilitation yet, I would suggest giving that a try first. Vasodilator drugs will be tested on you and prescribed by the ED clinic.

User
Posted 23 Dec 2019 at 20:01

Thanks Andy

PSA is almost zero with tests done every 3 months and these will carry in at these intervals for a few years to come .
As far as ED goes as I am in hypertension medication the various Cardiologist Consultants I visit frown at the mention of any medicines for ED.I have good sensation as the surgery was well performed and nerves were significantly preserved .But old Percy still remains stubborn and refuses to rise to any occasion .

So I will try and find some private ED nurse consultations and see what happens but it is not a pleasant position to be especially when trying to forge any new relationship.

As some potential partners can be terribly unsympathetic or ignorant to such challenges 

 

 

User
Posted 23 Dec 2019 at 22:21
Ask first whether there is an NHS ED service in your area - if there is, your GP can refer you regardless of your op having been done privately. Not all CCGs / Trusts provide an ED / andrology service :-(
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 23 Dec 2019 at 23:04

Thanks Lyn 

I will try the NHS route and see where that leads to .

User
Posted 27 Dec 2019 at 10:16

Sadly I joined this website last year.

Had RP operation last year December 

Sex life was More than  GREATER!

after the operation until now I use the pump daily....(with advice of Chris mr Lemon lover)

So I tried to keep him (my fella) healthy with regular exercise ,stretch etc.

 

Used initially caverject but because of it was so painful I just given up and started using  invicorp ....it worked but it's not as practical as Caverject...it takes to prepare nearly 5 minutes  so it kills the feelings romance etc you name it.

 

So I relay on blue magic pills some times it works 80%   some times less but iwhen it does arouse....sadly it puts me in an embarrassing situation because of the wee. 

I'm lucky to be in and around sexual parties where the clubs are full of with naked people but  when your sexuality is down the hill  than doesn't matter  who you are what you do how big or small you are.it what it is.

 

In my opinion...after the RP operation any of us has to be very patience with solid determinations and practice and practices......Some times I do get suicidal feelings but thanks to my life style Have lots of good friends so I'm not going to end my life because of my sexuality is worsened than beyond 06.12.2008

 

Good luck

User
Posted 27 Dec 2019 at 15:20
How the other half live!

Her Loveliness and I attempted a form of sexual congress last week on our cruise, but as we had asked for the king-sized bed to be split into two, (I am up and about 4am), the resulting single beds were too narrow for two simultaneously.

In the words of Billie-Jo Spears, we tried a duvet ‘on the ground’ without success. Laughing, we got dressed and made for the bar.

Moral of the story? Don’t get old!

Cheers, John.

User
Posted 27 Dec 2019 at 15:55
Sorry you’ve not figured out recovery John or made progress. But at least a brave stoic face on it. When my wife and I escaped on a cruise it was twice a day for a fortnight my recovery is so good. Hence the utter fear of joining the HT club in Feb. It still seems so surreal as I feel fit as a fiddle :-((
User
Posted 27 Dec 2019 at 19:07

Thank you all for all the encouraging comments and ideas of how to improve my severe ED problem.

I guess given my partner left me immediately post operation I lost interest and I neglected that area and focussed on business instead .

So partly my own fault for becoming so disinterested after a slow recovery and a rather disingenuous partner .

But thank you all  

 

User
Posted 27 Dec 2019 at 20:38
I am sorry that your partner behaved this way; perhaps s/he didn't deserve you. The wife of one of our dearest friends left him shortly after his RP; she said that seeing him use the vacuum pump killed any feelings she had for him. Joyously, he now has a very happy life with a partner who loves him very much.
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 27 Dec 2019 at 21:19

Thanks Lynn for the positive note 

 

User
Posted 28 Dec 2019 at 12:35
I have had the same experience as described by Lyn, there is "life" after RP / divorce. Don't give up!
 
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