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Greaving for things to come.

User
Posted 23 Jan 2020 at 20:03

For a few months post-diagnosis in March 2018 I seemed to plod on, just acepting matters.  Then it began to dawn on me.  it comes some times just out of no where; a great sadness - almost a grief.  The slightest of situations - the lyric of a song - a piece of music - a well placed picture - the cast of light on the hills, & tears flow uncontroled.

In my life I have handled nephritis throughout my childhood, epilepsy from early teens until sergery helped in '95.  Since them life has been moderat; but with each situation I have found a way to handle life & ride the bumps; but then2 years ago they diagnosed metastatic prostate cancer [discribed as stage 4.]  With this I can see no way.  No tricks of riding it. No 'coping stratergy.'  

User
Posted 24 Jan 2020 at 14:18
Hi,

Me too. Floods of tears and strong emotions each and every day.

I’ve had psychiatric appointments which resulted in an increase of Sertraline, CBT sessions and I meditate on a daily basis. These have all helped to some extent but the feelings and tears have never gone away. I know exactly what you mean when you refer to grieving.

Take care

Dave

User
Posted 23 Jan 2020 at 20:03

For a few months post-diagnosis in March 2018 I seemed to plod on, just acepting matters.  Then it began to dawn on me.  it comes some times just out of no where; a great sadness - almost a grief.  The slightest of situations - the lyric of a song - a piece of music - a well placed picture - the cast of light on the hills, & tears flow uncontroled.

In my life I have handled nephritis throughout my childhood, epilepsy from early teens until sergery helped in '95.  Since them life has been moderat; but with each situation I have found a way to handle life & ride the bumps; but then2 years ago they diagnosed metastatic prostate cancer [discribed as stage 4.]  With this I can see no way.  No tricks of riding it. No 'coping stratergy.'  

User
Posted 23 Jan 2020 at 23:46
I am sorry to read your heartfelt post. Do you have an allocated Macmillan nurse or a Maggie's centre at your hospital - they often run drop-ins and can arrange counselling. Macmillan also have some really useful leaflets about the emotional impact of being diagnosed with cancer.

You will survive better than you imagine, most people do. But that doesn't mean you won't feel sad, sometimes a bit scared or plain angry sometimes.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 24 Jan 2020 at 01:01

Well I think a coping strategy is useful. If you read my profile you will see I am in denial, but fortunately I can switch that on and off, and l switch it off when I need to make treatment decisions.

We're both on ADT and it ain't great when it comes to controlling ones emotions, so I can sympathise with you on a lot of the emotional roller coaster. 

I've read a few of your posts where you mention photography and singing. You seem to be able to really appreciate the beauty of nature. The sentence below really shows this, it almost had me in tears:

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
- the lyric of a song - a piece of music - a well placed picture - the cast of light on the hills, & tears flow uncontroled.

I think I would advice, appreciate beauty in the moment. Let's not worry about the future until we get there. Maybe Doris Day said it better than me "Que sera, sera Whatever will be, will be The future's not ours to see...

 

 

Dave

User
Posted 24 Jan 2020 at 08:30

You might benefit from a local support group. Groups vary considerably from pure medical to pure social, with most somewhere in between, but you will be with people who understand your situation first hand. Your skills as a photographer could be useful - one group I'm in has a professional photographer (hello Steve!) which is incredibly useful for recording events for the newsletter, website, etc, but most groups don't have such a person.

If you said where about you are in the country, someone here might be able to say what local groups there are and what format they run.

You can search for local support groups here.

User
Posted 24 Jan 2020 at 09:47

If there is a Maggie’s centre near you then an initial one to one meeting might help followed by attending one of their excellent courses.

I attended  a 6 week living with cancer course at Maggie’s which was run by a psychiatrist and a specialist nurse. It helped a lot and also allowed me to meet others in a similar position.

Take care,

Ido4

User
Posted 28 Jan 2020 at 12:45

Same here  - my husband was diagnosed with metastatic pc last August - he is on hormone therapy, and Abiraterone, and has had RT.  But uncontrollable waves of sadness and grief hit us both from time to time, we live in France, the medical care is fantastic, but they aren't really into support groups, so there isn't much in the way of support, and it's hard to do counselling in another language.  Certainly the Hormone therapy has made my husband very emotional,  he's always been the sensitive type, but it's much worse now - let's just say, we don't watch Bambi in our house!   It's not as if we feel he's going to die anytime soon, it's just a grief for the loss of the life we had, physically our relationship has changed completely, so that has been a terrible blow, he's far more tired now, and there just seems to be a sadness we can't quite shake off.  He had a heart bypass some years ago and neither of us felt like this then - so I do know exactly what you're going through.  We find taking our dog for walks in the forest helps a lot,  and we try and spend time with good friends as much as possible.  

User
Posted 28 Jan 2020 at 13:50
It is normal to have more heightened emotions and both my oh and I have periods of sadness when we think how things have changed and certain activities are impossible now but our whole life together has been a bit of a roller coaster and we just carry on and enjoy the good bits even though we grieve.

The worst part was losing our dog a couple of years ago so those long walks which once soothed us, aren't the same any more. I think that, more than the cancer, has made emotions more raw .

We are ok most of the time but guess nothing stops those moments when everything hits you all over again.

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User
Posted 23 Jan 2020 at 23:46
I am sorry to read your heartfelt post. Do you have an allocated Macmillan nurse or a Maggie's centre at your hospital - they often run drop-ins and can arrange counselling. Macmillan also have some really useful leaflets about the emotional impact of being diagnosed with cancer.

You will survive better than you imagine, most people do. But that doesn't mean you won't feel sad, sometimes a bit scared or plain angry sometimes.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 24 Jan 2020 at 01:01

Well I think a coping strategy is useful. If you read my profile you will see I am in denial, but fortunately I can switch that on and off, and l switch it off when I need to make treatment decisions.

We're both on ADT and it ain't great when it comes to controlling ones emotions, so I can sympathise with you on a lot of the emotional roller coaster. 

I've read a few of your posts where you mention photography and singing. You seem to be able to really appreciate the beauty of nature. The sentence below really shows this, it almost had me in tears:

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
- the lyric of a song - a piece of music - a well placed picture - the cast of light on the hills, & tears flow uncontroled.

I think I would advice, appreciate beauty in the moment. Let's not worry about the future until we get there. Maybe Doris Day said it better than me "Que sera, sera Whatever will be, will be The future's not ours to see...

 

 

Dave

User
Posted 24 Jan 2020 at 08:30

You might benefit from a local support group. Groups vary considerably from pure medical to pure social, with most somewhere in between, but you will be with people who understand your situation first hand. Your skills as a photographer could be useful - one group I'm in has a professional photographer (hello Steve!) which is incredibly useful for recording events for the newsletter, website, etc, but most groups don't have such a person.

If you said where about you are in the country, someone here might be able to say what local groups there are and what format they run.

You can search for local support groups here.

User
Posted 24 Jan 2020 at 09:47

If there is a Maggie’s centre near you then an initial one to one meeting might help followed by attending one of their excellent courses.

I attended  a 6 week living with cancer course at Maggie’s which was run by a psychiatrist and a specialist nurse. It helped a lot and also allowed me to meet others in a similar position.

Take care,

Ido4

User
Posted 24 Jan 2020 at 12:55

Thank you Dave.  Even just knowing that some one else is in my situation is a great help.  I'll have to admit if I didn't have my camera I would be climbing the walls !

Cheers mate.

User
Posted 24 Jan 2020 at 14:18
Hi,

Me too. Floods of tears and strong emotions each and every day.

I’ve had psychiatric appointments which resulted in an increase of Sertraline, CBT sessions and I meditate on a daily basis. These have all helped to some extent but the feelings and tears have never gone away. I know exactly what you mean when you refer to grieving.

Take care

Dave

User
Posted 28 Jan 2020 at 12:45

Same here  - my husband was diagnosed with metastatic pc last August - he is on hormone therapy, and Abiraterone, and has had RT.  But uncontrollable waves of sadness and grief hit us both from time to time, we live in France, the medical care is fantastic, but they aren't really into support groups, so there isn't much in the way of support, and it's hard to do counselling in another language.  Certainly the Hormone therapy has made my husband very emotional,  he's always been the sensitive type, but it's much worse now - let's just say, we don't watch Bambi in our house!   It's not as if we feel he's going to die anytime soon, it's just a grief for the loss of the life we had, physically our relationship has changed completely, so that has been a terrible blow, he's far more tired now, and there just seems to be a sadness we can't quite shake off.  He had a heart bypass some years ago and neither of us felt like this then - so I do know exactly what you're going through.  We find taking our dog for walks in the forest helps a lot,  and we try and spend time with good friends as much as possible.  

User
Posted 28 Jan 2020 at 13:50
It is normal to have more heightened emotions and both my oh and I have periods of sadness when we think how things have changed and certain activities are impossible now but our whole life together has been a bit of a roller coaster and we just carry on and enjoy the good bits even though we grieve.

The worst part was losing our dog a couple of years ago so those long walks which once soothed us, aren't the same any more. I think that, more than the cancer, has made emotions more raw .

We are ok most of the time but guess nothing stops those moments when everything hits you all over again.

User
Posted 29 Jan 2020 at 07:45

Thaank you Raef, for your sensative responce.  I can see now this is not just me in a 'Busy-busy' sea of everyone else.  We with metastatic P.C. are an odd kind of community of our own !  And you're right, the sense of "Grief" is for an event probably no nearer than it ever was !

The fact that you live in France makes void my suggestion that we could meet-up some how.  I feel slightly isolated simply being in Northumberland !  ...But then I understand there is a Support Group at Maggie's in Newcastle that I would like to find a means of attending - & there could well be something yet in Hexham.  All this though does not help your husband.  We can read reems on the subject, but nothing can beat meating - talking with a fellow sufferer.

In Spirit yours

Phillip.

User
Posted 21 Feb 2020 at 12:40

Thank you for your suggestion of Maggie's.  We have a branch down the vally in Newcastle upon Tyne.   The problem I find with that, is that my energy level has diminished drasticly by that time of day.

Thank you though for the idea; It would, under better sercomstances, have suited my needs down to the groundd. Kind regards, Phillip. 😝

 
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