ANGRY !!!!!

Hi, I don't really know the answer but I recall feeling a sense of adaptation that I likened to the Bereavement Process.

It is possible you're in one of these phases and it will pass although sometimes the phases get mixed up, jumped or lag or you can get stuck on a phase and need advice.

1. Denial and isolation;  numbing of emotions.

2. Anger;  reality returns with pain, striking out at people.

3. Bargaining; If only we'd done that.

4. Depression;  sadness and farewell.

5. Acceptance.

I was reading a book review today written by a cancer nurse and her book contains the following:

 'There is “no rhyme nor reason for who gets it, what type of stage they are diagnosed with, who lives or dies from it, and how the dying process unfolds for each person”.'

She says people often think it's a punishment for something they've done but it's not.

I added the last bit in reply to other comments on this thread.  I've posted info on the book in References and Research section but I don't think it's been accepted by the moderator yet.  Regards Peter

Hi,

Re anger.

I have my own tricks. Here is one. Think three possible (bad) states, anger, fear and sadness. Like a Venn diagram. My rule is: know which state you are in. No one can tell you not to be in a state (of course you should be aware of your family), the point is to recognise it. Believe me, if you have cancer you can be in any of them. My speciality is sadness, it takes not much for me to be sad. Anger, yes. Fortunately, I don't do fear so much except, when waiting for results.  With partner (et al) you can simple say: "I feel angry", "I am frightened", .... They need to know, so don't leave them guessing. I think a lot of men, including me, find it very hard to admit they are frightened or sad, so they hide behind anger. One note: it is possible to feel different emotions, say sad and angry, at the same time: like when a family  member or close friend passes away. 

Sorry for cheap tricks, but I find it very helpful.

Now I have made myself sad!

Cheers, Otto

Hi Carl,

 I had surgery end last October having been diagnosed end of September. During whole process I was full of anger..why me? I don’t drink or smoke, I stay fit, do the “right things” etc. etc.

 I was lucky enough to talk to my MacMillan nurse about this. She suggested I speak to someone....no psychiatric support available so she sent me to see hospital chaplain.......he was great.....let me talk.....he said “you are not angry......you are raging ...and you are allowed to feel like this......it is a natural reaction”. After that response I felt I was okay.....not going mad. 

I became less angry but actually with the reduced anger I also had less energy. In fact since then, I definitely have less energy and since returning to work I sleep much longer ......actually feel older....

With hindsight (as Lyn says....see her comments), I think the anger is/was a reaction to the fear this whole process causes. The anger is initially useful...an adrenaline charge which I needed, a fight or flight reaction.  I also realised that particularly when I was younger, anger was my default reaction to situations I found difficult to handle resulting in some poor choices.

Here I had to control my reactions as the situation/process/the cancer, impacts not only on me but also on those around me.

 If you recognise any of this rambling I hope helps.

As I have said on previous replies, this site/forum/community has helped me tremendously. I have also, when I needed called the specialist nurses available and they were always helpful and understanding. Family and friends are often too close and I needed objective reasoning. Give them a call.

Best, 

Kevin

Edited by member 16 Mar 2020 at 10:33  | Reason: Not specified

Hi Carl,

re psa test....I do not get feed back until 30th. I am pretty sure all will be okay and even if additional treatment were an issue, given state of things re virus, I doubt anything would take place for a while and I would be fine with that.

Today the hospital was very strangely quiet. Plenty of parking and I was in and out in no time. So some good effect.

Here to chat when you need and I think I understand how you have been feeling. Definitely have a chat with specialist nurses...excellent help.

Best

Kev

Hi Otto,

Your post got me thinking…what are the reasons for these emotions, and I came up with answer….it’s all down to (for me anyway) ‘Why?’

Why Me?
Why can’t  I have the same treatment as others?
Why are my side effects so much worse than others on the same path?
Why has my treatment not worked as well as I hoped?
Why has my cancer come back?

However we must look at the positive Good states as well, for example OK or Happy! I think it’s important to tell your partner and family about these and I Often do. Today I was Ok, yesterday I was Happy. I actually have many more good days than bad days…how much of that is down to Sertraline I have no idea but it’s been a godsend for me, enabling me to cope and continue with some QOL. So, what makes me ‘ Happy’?
Spending quality time with my wife and family.
Keeping myself busy and active, especially out on my ebike.
Being good to other people.
Being good to myself.
Making the best use of every minute of my life, even if it’s just watching a great Test Match on the TV!
Maggies…every time I go to a support group meeting I come out happy. It may sound strange but the support of others in the same boat as me makes a huge difference.