I had surgery end last October having been diagnosed end of September. During whole process I was full of anger..why me? I don’t drink or smoke, I stay fit, do the “right things” etc. etc.
I was lucky enough to talk to my MacMillan nurse about this. She suggested I speak to someone....no psychiatric support available so she sent me to see hospital chaplain.......he was great.....let me talk.....he said “you are not angry......you are raging ...and you are allowed to feel like this......it is a natural reaction”. After that response I felt I was okay.....not going mad.
I became less angry but actually with the reduced anger I also had less energy. In fact since then, I definitely have less energy and since returning to work I sleep much longer ......actually feel older....
With hindsight (as Lyn says....see her comments), I think the anger is/was a reaction to the fear this whole process causes. The anger is initially useful...an adrenaline charge which I needed, a fight or flight reaction. I also realised that particularly when I was younger, anger was my default reaction to situations I found difficult to handle resulting in some poor choices.
Here I had to control my reactions as the situation/process/the cancer, impacts not only on me but also on those around me.
If you recognise any of this rambling I hope helps.
As I have said on previous replies, this site/forum/community has helped me tremendously. I have also, when I needed called the specialist nurses available and they were always helpful and understanding. Family and friends are often too close and I needed objective reasoning. Give them a call.
Edited by member 16 Mar 2020 at 10:33
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