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ANGRY !!!!!

User
Posted 15 Mar 2020 at 18:03

I was wondering has anyone else had overwhelming feelings of anger occasionally? I was diagnosed in Dec 19. And for the most part have been ok, ups and downs as expected I suppose, but lately I’ve been feeling angry and short tempered with colleagues, clients and worst of all my wife. I really struggle with these feelings as I didn’t have these feelings before the diagnosis. Ok maybe I used to be a bit hot headed and stubborn, but these feelings are overwhelming and concerning as I don’t seem to know when they will occur. I try my very hardest to keep the anger at bay but it’s exhausting. 

Are these feelings normal ? 

Carl.

 

User
Posted 15 Mar 2020 at 23:20

Macmillan do a fantastic range of leaflets including this one on the emotional impact of having a cancer diagnosis https://www.macmillan.org.uk/documents/howwecanhelp/get_support/how_are_you_feeling.pdf 

There are others dealing with the emotional aftermath of treatment finishing, being on HT, etc. If there is a Maggie's Centre at your local hospital, drop in for a cup of tea and a chat. If you have a local hospice, they may have counsellors and / or volunteers to talk to. John found that phoning PCUK and being put in touch with a man who had already gone through it all was really helpful.

You are entitled to want to rage at the world sometimes but it is not an excuse to treat people you love badly so do try to reign it in if you think you are going too far.

Edited by member 15 Mar 2020 at 23:21  | Reason: to activate the hyperlink

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 15 Mar 2020 at 23:01

Hi, I don't really know the answer but I recall feeling a sense of adaptation that I likened to the Bereavement Process.

It is possible you're in one of these phases and it will pass although sometimes the phases get mixed up, jumped or lag or you can get stuck on a phase and need advice.

1. Denial and isolation;  numbing of emotions.

2. Anger;  reality returns with pain, striking out at people.

3. Bargaining; If only we'd done that.

4. Depression;  sadness and farewell.

5. Acceptance.

I was reading a book review today written by a cancer nurse and her book contains the following:

 'There is “no rhyme nor reason for who gets it, what type of stage they are diagnosed with, who lives or dies from it, and how the dying process unfolds for each person”.'

She says people often think it's a punishment for something they've done but it's not.

I added the last bit in reply to other comments on this thread.  I've posted info on the book in References and Research section but I don't think it's been accepted by the moderator yet.  Regards Peter

 

User
Posted 17 Mar 2020 at 10:04
I get impatient and angry, but I put that down to me being a grumpy old git aged 64, rather than any medical condition.

Best of luck with your surgery and I hope it’s not delayed because of the plague.

Cheers, John.

P.S. I am writing this down the pub before it’s forced to close next week😷😷😷😷😷🍻🍻🍻

User
Posted 15 Mar 2020 at 21:35

Hi Carlos, I am 52 and had my prostate removed in March '19. I can tell you that I also, at times, feel angry. Oddly I am never 'thinking' about the cancer when it happens, more just feel irritated at something or other and then I tend to bark - which I hate! I think it is normal to be honest and I would think most on here go through many emotions! I know for me, I can go through all of them in one day!

Take care!

User
Posted 15 Mar 2020 at 21:58

Hi Carl,

 I had surgery end last October having been diagnosed end of September. During whole process I was full of anger..why me? I don’t drink or smoke, I stay fit, do the “right things” etc. etc.

 I was lucky enough to talk to my MacMillan nurse about this. She suggested I speak to someone....no psychiatric support available so she sent me to see hospital chaplain.......he was great.....let me talk.....he said “you are not angry......you are raging ...and you are allowed to feel like this......it is a natural reaction”. After that response I felt I was okay.....not going mad. 

I became less angry but actually with the reduced anger I also had less energy. In fact since then, I definitely have less energy and since returning to work I sleep much longer ......actually feel older....

With hindsight (as Lyn says....see her comments), I think the anger is/was a reaction to the fear this whole process causes. The anger is initially useful...an adrenaline charge which I needed, a fight or flight reaction.  I also realised that particularly when I was younger, anger was my default reaction to situations I found difficult to handle resulting in some poor choices.

Here I had to control my reactions as the situation/process/the cancer, impacts not only on me but also on those around me.

 If you recognise any of this rambling I hope helps.

As I have said on previous replies, this site/forum/community has helped me tremendously. I have also, when I needed called the specialist nurses available and they were always helpful and understanding. Family and friends are often too close and I needed objective reasoning. Give them a call.

Best, 

Kevin

Edited by member 16 Mar 2020 at 10:33  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 17 Mar 2020 at 08:43

Hi Carl,

if me, yes re surgery...see profile....doing fine now.... dealing with consequences of surgery. I am told by medical staff and fellow patients “have patience”.  However, stating the obvious.....you are younger.

Energy still low but this is perhaps unrelated and I need to get fit after reduced activity following surgery.

2nd psa test today.

Generally I am good.

Happy to chat if you wish.

Kevin

 

User
Posted 17 Mar 2020 at 22:35

Hi Carl,

re psa test....I do not get feed back until 30th. I am pretty sure all will be okay and even if additional treatment were an issue, given state of things re virus, I doubt anything would take place for a while and I would be fine with that.

Today the hospital was very strangely quiet. Plenty of parking and I was in and out in no time. So some good effect.

Here to chat when you need and I think I understand how you have been feeling. Definitely have a chat with specialist nurses...excellent help.

Best

Kev

 

User
Posted 18 Mar 2020 at 19:08
I think the NHS and Public Health England consider RP to be non urgent surgery
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

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User
Posted 15 Mar 2020 at 19:57
Are you on hormone therapy? if so, that will explain your emotional instability. My wife told me I was on a very short fuse when I first had h/t - and even before that I didn't suffer fools gladly! So, to answer your question - are these feelings normal? For someone not on hormone therapy, maybe not. For someone who is, absolutely! I was prone to shaking my fist at cyclists who got in the way (when I was in the passenger seat!) and shout ing 'F***wit' at drivers who inadvertantly got in the way. It will pass. Of course, if you are not on h/t .... you maybe have a problem!

Hermit

User
Posted 15 Mar 2020 at 20:50

Hi Hermit

No I’m not on HT. I’m waiting to hear when I’m having my Robotic Surgery. I think it’s the waiting is causing the stress and anxiety. I don’t think anyone on here wants to be on here due to our common bond I think I must be struggling with the diagnosis and the future after the operation. 

User
Posted 15 Mar 2020 at 21:35

Hi Carlos, I am 52 and had my prostate removed in March '19. I can tell you that I also, at times, feel angry. Oddly I am never 'thinking' about the cancer when it happens, more just feel irritated at something or other and then I tend to bark - which I hate! I think it is normal to be honest and I would think most on here go through many emotions! I know for me, I can go through all of them in one day!

Take care!

User
Posted 15 Mar 2020 at 21:58

Hi Carl,

 I had surgery end last October having been diagnosed end of September. During whole process I was full of anger..why me? I don’t drink or smoke, I stay fit, do the “right things” etc. etc.

 I was lucky enough to talk to my MacMillan nurse about this. She suggested I speak to someone....no psychiatric support available so she sent me to see hospital chaplain.......he was great.....let me talk.....he said “you are not angry......you are raging ...and you are allowed to feel like this......it is a natural reaction”. After that response I felt I was okay.....not going mad. 

I became less angry but actually with the reduced anger I also had less energy. In fact since then, I definitely have less energy and since returning to work I sleep much longer ......actually feel older....

With hindsight (as Lyn says....see her comments), I think the anger is/was a reaction to the fear this whole process causes. The anger is initially useful...an adrenaline charge which I needed, a fight or flight reaction.  I also realised that particularly when I was younger, anger was my default reaction to situations I found difficult to handle resulting in some poor choices.

Here I had to control my reactions as the situation/process/the cancer, impacts not only on me but also on those around me.

 If you recognise any of this rambling I hope helps.

As I have said on previous replies, this site/forum/community has helped me tremendously. I have also, when I needed called the specialist nurses available and they were always helpful and understanding. Family and friends are often too close and I needed objective reasoning. Give them a call.

Best, 

Kevin

Edited by member 16 Mar 2020 at 10:33  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 15 Mar 2020 at 23:01

Hi, I don't really know the answer but I recall feeling a sense of adaptation that I likened to the Bereavement Process.

It is possible you're in one of these phases and it will pass although sometimes the phases get mixed up, jumped or lag or you can get stuck on a phase and need advice.

1. Denial and isolation;  numbing of emotions.

2. Anger;  reality returns with pain, striking out at people.

3. Bargaining; If only we'd done that.

4. Depression;  sadness and farewell.

5. Acceptance.

I was reading a book review today written by a cancer nurse and her book contains the following:

 'There is “no rhyme nor reason for who gets it, what type of stage they are diagnosed with, who lives or dies from it, and how the dying process unfolds for each person”.'

She says people often think it's a punishment for something they've done but it's not.

I added the last bit in reply to other comments on this thread.  I've posted info on the book in References and Research section but I don't think it's been accepted by the moderator yet.  Regards Peter

 

User
Posted 15 Mar 2020 at 23:20

Macmillan do a fantastic range of leaflets including this one on the emotional impact of having a cancer diagnosis https://www.macmillan.org.uk/documents/howwecanhelp/get_support/how_are_you_feeling.pdf 

There are others dealing with the emotional aftermath of treatment finishing, being on HT, etc. If there is a Maggie's Centre at your local hospital, drop in for a cup of tea and a chat. If you have a local hospice, they may have counsellors and / or volunteers to talk to. John found that phoning PCUK and being put in touch with a man who had already gone through it all was really helpful.

You are entitled to want to rage at the world sometimes but it is not an excuse to treat people you love badly so do try to reign it in if you think you are going too far.

Edited by member 15 Mar 2020 at 23:21  | Reason: to activate the hyperlink

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 17 Mar 2020 at 08:19

Hi,Did you have the robotic assist surgery to remove your prostate ? How are you doing now ?

 

Carl

User
Posted 17 Mar 2020 at 08:43

Hi Carl,

if me, yes re surgery...see profile....doing fine now.... dealing with consequences of surgery. I am told by medical staff and fellow patients “have patience”.  However, stating the obvious.....you are younger.

Energy still low but this is perhaps unrelated and I need to get fit after reduced activity following surgery.

2nd psa test today.

Generally I am good.

Happy to chat if you wish.

Kevin

 

User
Posted 17 Mar 2020 at 10:04
I get impatient and angry, but I put that down to me being a grumpy old git aged 64, rather than any medical condition.

Best of luck with your surgery and I hope it’s not delayed because of the plague.

Cheers, John.

P.S. I am writing this down the pub before it’s forced to close next week😷😷😷😷😷🍻🍻🍻

User
Posted 17 Mar 2020 at 18:05

Hi Kev how did your pas test go

 

Carl

User
Posted 17 Mar 2020 at 22:35

Hi Carl,

re psa test....I do not get feed back until 30th. I am pretty sure all will be okay and even if additional treatment were an issue, given state of things re virus, I doubt anything would take place for a while and I would be fine with that.

Today the hospital was very strangely quiet. Plenty of parking and I was in and out in no time. So some good effect.

Here to chat when you need and I think I understand how you have been feeling. Definitely have a chat with specialist nurses...excellent help.

Best

Kev

 

User
Posted 18 Mar 2020 at 19:02

Would you class the robotic surgery as non urgent ? 

User
Posted 18 Mar 2020 at 19:08
I think the NHS and Public Health England consider RP to be non urgent surgery
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

 
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