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Need a lift (or a kick up the bum)

Posted 29 Mar 2020 at 19:05

My mum died recently and I cannot go to the funeral due to very strict number constraints. My uncle died soon after. Neither passed from CVD and both passed peacefully but it is still a brutal kick in the bits. I'm unemployed right now. I have (wider) family members with health conditions. I'm in lockdown with my family hoping not to get this damn disease. PSA anxiety is popping up due to stress.

I'm not looking for sympathy but some advice on how to press on would be gratefully received.



Edited by member 29 Mar 2020 at 19:37  | Reason: Not specified

Posted 29 Mar 2020 at 19:54

Sorry to hear about your situation, Pete. I know exactly what you mean about anxiety. I'm currently waiting for the results of a CT scan to check that my kidney cancer hasn't come back. Scan results normally take a week, but I've been told this time it may take a month or more.

I find personally the best way to handle stress is to keep myself busy. For me that means art - when I'm painting I can forget the world and its problems. I'm not suggesting that you take up art, but if there is anything you've ever considered having a go at, perhaps this would be a good time to do so?

Hope things start improving for you.

Very best wishes,



Edited by member 29 Mar 2020 at 19:55  | Reason: Not specified

Posted 29 Mar 2020 at 21:14
Thanks Chris

It has been a brutal fortnight and I have struggled to process it all. I know full well it generally takes ages to get through the Kubler Ross journey but this time it feel like crawling through mud with live rounds flying over my head.

I guess you are right - the Slartibartfast approach is sensible when one cannot find meaning in life.

I am going to find a few things to keep occupied as you suggest.

Hope your scan goes well.


Posted 30 Mar 2020 at 13:07

Sorry to hear about your mum and uncle. It’s particularly difficult due to the covid  19 lock down. I’m trying to walk each day and be thankful to hear the sea, the birds chirping etc.

I’m also losing myself in a book, takes my mind off other things.

We had a video chat with my boys and their partners on Saturday, very uplifting to see and talk to them.

Take care and be kind to yourself if you can.





Posted 30 Mar 2020 at 13:16
Hi Ian

Thanks. Double suck news is that they cannot even stream it so we will have to see if my dad can record it.

I'm trying to distrat myself offering tech help to people doing crowdsourced work to fight CVD which helps. Weather is pants whih means no walking :(

Just got to walk it off as they say.

Posted 30 Mar 2020 at 14:10

I am sorry for the loss of your Mum and Uncle. It must be a very difficult time for you and I know (having lost my dad) what grief is like, it can be like a roller coaster, sometimes feeling ok and other times feeling really down and of course when feeling down the worry of things seems to escalate. In times like this I try to sit quietly reflecting for around 30 mins twice daily listening to some music, I avoid watching the news and try to avoid negativity as much as possible. Take good care of and be kind to yourself and i'm sure things will work out for you. Best Wishes, Andy

Posted 30 Mar 2020 at 15:54
Hi Andy

Thanks. I am spending a lot of time listening to nature sounds and trying to medidate but I end up sleeping too much :)

I'm trying to avoid the news but it is hard.

I guess I will have to rely on time to heal this.


Posted 30 Mar 2020 at 20:23

Sorry to hear about your mum and uncle. Condolences to you and your family

I should maybe practice what I preach. But I was going to say meditation and mindfulness can help.

Another technique is called the ‘Worry Chair’. Give yourself say 20 mins each day at a particular time. Sit in your identified place to allow yourself to worry. But that’s it. Throughout the rest of the day if a worry pops up say you will save it for your designated time. Eventually the theory is you will sit there at your designated time and say “has anything changed since yesterday” and if it hasn’t move on.

Good luck mate

Edited by member 30 Mar 2020 at 20:24  | Reason: Not specified

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