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sex and dealing with the changes

User
Posted 11 Jun 2020 at 15:05

I have been avoiding doing this post.... I am 54 years old and it has been a little more than 2 years since  I had a prostatectomy for a gleasons 7 (4+3) prostate cancer. My psa has not been detectable and I am very glad for that... That being said, I am in a 20 + relationship and our sex life is not what it was.... I can get erections/orgasm..... sometimes need the help of viagara type meds and other times don't need the meds. That being said, I miss ejaculating and orgasms are different. Orgasms still feel good, just thinking I miss the sensation of ejeculation.... Guessing this sounds odd.... just feel sort of alone like no one really gets this...... have to explore a way to enjoy sex in a different way... any thoughts that could be shared might help... Thank you,Doug.

User
Posted 11 Jun 2020 at 18:04

Loss of semen can be a big issue for some men. When I was being treated at Mount Vernon, it was one of the questions they asked all patients, if the loss was a significant problem for them, and I believe they provided counseling to those wanting help with their feelings in this area. You might ask if something similar is available from your hospital. Don't think that you're alone, or that it's insignificant - this is a recognised issue.

I've also worked with some men who have climaturea (peeing on ejaculation). For some, it's a significant problem, while for others it's a good substitute for missing semen. Everyone is different, and what upsets one person may be quite satisfying to another. You shouldn't feel bad whichever applies to you.

So you might consider asking for some sexual counseling, which you should be entitled to via your GP as a prostate cancer patient. They may be able to show you ways to enjoy your changed sexual function.

User
Posted 11 Jun 2020 at 18:28

thank you. I am a gay man, think these issues at times are more complex for gay men as sex plays a very large part in our identity and culture. I was hoping to chat with others that might have similar challenges.. 

 

User
Posted 11 Jun 2020 at 23:20
It's definitely a negative for me, but the only thing I can offer is try not to dwell on it because negative thoughts about orgasm will make it harder to achieve. 5 years in things are good for me and still getting better - so long as I don't think about it!
User
Posted 11 Jun 2020 at 23:28

I'm only just coming of HT so though things are just about functional I'm hoping things will improve. I agree dry orgasm don't seem quite as much fun, but I'm happy enough that things seem to be just about working. I guess I'm an optimist. 

Dave

User
Posted 12 Jun 2020 at 00:33
I realise that you aren't really hoping for a reply from a woman. We do have a few GBT and MESM members but they may not reply openly so I am hoping that one or more will respond to you privately. One of the PCUK staff, Sean, was running a GBTM support group for a while but I haven't seen him post for ages - it may be worth calling the nurses on the number above to see whether he is still involved with the charity.

I think one of the difficulties for GBTM post-RP is that ED nurses & GPs are not always aware of why it is different and in this area of the forum you should be able to find old posts from members discussing how frustrating it is when medical staff just assume the man to be straight and it all has to be explained over & over. It also depends somewhat on whether you are a top, bottom or versatile. I don't think that grieving for ejaculation is limited to one group though - it is a key part of identity & sexuality for most people - we are 10 years on and my husband still struggles with his sense of self as someone who does not ejaculate. Having said that, the early days of pain & weak orgasms did develop into an ability to have multiple orgasms which he had never experienced before so you may find it gets better with time.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

 
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