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Prostate Cancer/Mental & Psychological changes

User
Posted 23 Jun 2020 at 11:53

I am in a relationship with a man who was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer back in Sept 2019 and had the Prostate removal surgery in Feb 2020 and things have changed drastically.  He received three different hormone shots prior to surgery to keep the prostate in place (I think). Since the surgery he has been moody, irritable, short patience and seems to want to be alone while not talking much. Pushing me away from him! I have talked to him about these things and he said he hasn’t changed and just want to not be questioned about anything and be at peace. I have been there through every step before, during and after. How does a non wife cope with all these changes? I care about this man but ready to just walk away and let him be. No intimacy at all. Sexual desire I totally understand was/is an issue, but I am fine with that for now. I was just in an auto accident so now focusing on my health and mental.

User
Posted 23 Jun 2020 at 12:39

Sadly cancer has a bigger impact on mental health than many would realise. I found this thread on the forum not long after I joined and added it to my favourite threads so I could refer back to it. You should be able to follow the link and get a lot of insights in to what us men and women are going through.

https://community.prostatecanceruk.org/posts/t21271-Relationships

Part of his problems will be to do with the hormones, and part will be coming to terms with the physical changes, and part will be coming to terms with being diagnosed with a disease which gives an uncertain future, and part will be Covid which gives us all too much time to think about the negatives.

 

Dave

User
Posted 23 Jun 2020 at 13:27
For many men, having their prostate removed brings into question their whole sense of what it is to be a man. If he is pushing you away, he might be frightened that you aren't going to stay around, frightened that he will never get an erection again, angry that this has happened to him, struggling with incontinence, worried that if he cuddles you you might want or expect more ...

Putting the shoe on the other foot, I suspect that many women who have a breast or breasts removed will avoid intimacy for a while (or perhaps forever) because they feel their body has let them down, that their partner will recoil in horror, because they are unsure whether they are still a woman and attractive if they don't have the thing that identifies them as a woman. It is no different for a man with prostate cancer.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

 
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