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What you're NOT told about sex after surgery!

User
Posted 27 Oct 2020 at 07:29

After surgery, I was delighted to be told that my margins were clear, and because I'd had 'non nerve sparing' surgery, I accepted that I'd never have sex again; but hey, I was alive!

It was after a few months, I started to feel aroused after watching a TV programme. Wishing for the past I went to the bedroom and started the process of masturbation, expecting nothing! To my amazement, I had an orgasm! I was delighted yet astonished, after all, I was led to believe that those days were over! OK, I didn't have a huge errection, but it was big and plump, looked healthy, though there was some urine leakage.

I'd tried the vacume pump once, what a hideous contraption, I put it in the plastic recycling bin, god knows what they thought at the depot! Over the next year I was happy sitting on the edge of the bed and perhaps once a week I'd have a great orgasm.

Moving forward, and this very much depends on your wife, girlfriend or other preferred service! Although you will probably never have enough of an errection to penetrate, with oral sex, you don't have that problem, and in my opinion, even more enjoyable. You have to be careful and not drink fluids for at least two hours before, but the result is out of this world! It keeps your penis healthy and well worked, you feel like you've got your sex life back, and there's no looking back.  

Why are we all given just a vague picture of what sex might be like after prostate cancer surgery, the information delivered in such a way as to leave us completely in the dark, holding a vacume pump or a syringe at best?

Use your imagination guys, it can take you to places you may have never even thought of!

User
Posted 27 Oct 2020 at 07:29

After surgery, I was delighted to be told that my margins were clear, and because I'd had 'non nerve sparing' surgery, I accepted that I'd never have sex again; but hey, I was alive!

It was after a few months, I started to feel aroused after watching a TV programme. Wishing for the past I went to the bedroom and started the process of masturbation, expecting nothing! To my amazement, I had an orgasm! I was delighted yet astonished, after all, I was led to believe that those days were over! OK, I didn't have a huge errection, but it was big and plump, looked healthy, though there was some urine leakage.

I'd tried the vacume pump once, what a hideous contraption, I put it in the plastic recycling bin, god knows what they thought at the depot! Over the next year I was happy sitting on the edge of the bed and perhaps once a week I'd have a great orgasm.

Moving forward, and this very much depends on your wife, girlfriend or other preferred service! Although you will probably never have enough of an errection to penetrate, with oral sex, you don't have that problem, and in my opinion, even more enjoyable. You have to be careful and not drink fluids for at least two hours before, but the result is out of this world! It keeps your penis healthy and well worked, you feel like you've got your sex life back, and there's no looking back.  

Why are we all given just a vague picture of what sex might be like after prostate cancer surgery, the information delivered in such a way as to leave us completely in the dark, holding a vacume pump or a syringe at best?

Use your imagination guys, it can take you to places you may have never even thought of!

User
Posted 27 Oct 2020 at 10:14

D

Great post, I describe myself as " supposedly non nerve sparing", but on occasions get some surprises. 

The following might interest you.

https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=jsU3IsgiaO8C&pg=PA128&lpg=PA128&dq=flaccid+insertion&source=bl&ots=wK4oTRza1Z&sig=ACfU3U0F98l0b2rr7D-sWDve7h9rt39vdQ&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjo26jkw9TsAhV8QxUIHRlpBTgQ6AEwAnoECAcQAQ#v=onepage&q=flaccid%20insertion&f=false

I like your final comment about using your imagination.

Thanks Chris

User
Posted 28 Oct 2020 at 02:45

I often wonder if focusing on restoring erections and striving to recover previous functionality is counterproductive. Some people can recover completely but I think many will struggle to reach a suitable level of recovery that makes them happy. It's hard to know. Personally I think I now achieve more intense and satisfying orgasms without erections both with or without my wife.

User
Posted 28 Oct 2020 at 11:43
I had done a lot of reading before John's RP and, on the day his catheter was removed, used a lot of lube to show him that an orgasm was possible without an erection 🤭

One thing noticed in our house - and I have seen posted by other members over the years - is that multiple orgasms are now the norm for J where prior to RP, he had never experienced this. Silver linings and all that!

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 28 Oct 2020 at 13:00

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

Hi Andy, I just assumed that when I was told no erections that meant no orgasms. Had I not tried myself I’d never have known and my penis would have wasted away, so to speak. Someone needed to be a bit more explicit! Hope you’re doing well now, in spite of COVID? 

I cover this on my Surviving Hormone Therapy sessions, and it does seem to be something which is not well known. As you say, the whole area of what you can expect to work and what you can expect not to work in any given treatment situation just isn't covered by clinicians. Some hospitals run a Prostatectomy School event for men before the operation, and even some of those don't cover this (actually, I never heard of one that does).

Doing well thanks - just waiting for the last hormone therapy jab to expire, and puberty Mk II. I've spent much of the summer presenting to prostate cancer patients, well over 500 now, which I've really enjoyed doing and got loads of fantastic feedback. Over 400 of them should now know they can orgasm without an erection!

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User
Posted 27 Oct 2020 at 10:14

D

Great post, I describe myself as " supposedly non nerve sparing", but on occasions get some surprises. 

The following might interest you.

https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=jsU3IsgiaO8C&pg=PA128&lpg=PA128&dq=flaccid+insertion&source=bl&ots=wK4oTRza1Z&sig=ACfU3U0F98l0b2rr7D-sWDve7h9rt39vdQ&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjo26jkw9TsAhV8QxUIHRlpBTgQ6AEwAnoECAcQAQ#v=onepage&q=flaccid%20insertion&f=false

I like your final comment about using your imagination.

Thanks Chris

User
Posted 28 Oct 2020 at 02:45

I often wonder if focusing on restoring erections and striving to recover previous functionality is counterproductive. Some people can recover completely but I think many will struggle to reach a suitable level of recovery that makes them happy. It's hard to know. Personally I think I now achieve more intense and satisfying orgasms without erections both with or without my wife.

User
Posted 28 Oct 2020 at 03:24
Agreed completely, trying to get back to being 18, or even close, would always be an unachievable goal. We use what tools we have left in the box, remaining happy that there's still a box.
User
Posted 28 Oct 2020 at 10:04

Dan,

this means you did have some nerves spared. The nerves are difficult and in many cases impossible to see, and it does happen that some get left sometimes when the surgeon thinks none were. (They can also regrow in rare cases, but not within your timeframe - that usually takes 3+ years.)

You might want to engage in penile rehabilitation. Given your success with some growth using masturbation, I would ask for PDE5 inhibitors to try helping that along.

Sensation and orgasm are not related to erection nerves, and not normally impacted by prostate cancer treatments, although reaching orgasm without an erection is usually more difficult.

As for why people don't get good information on side effects of treatments, this is a difficult one. Consultations are typically limited to 15 mins before radical treatments (and sometimes just 10 mins after radical treatments). That just isn't time to go through everything. Secondly, I suspect clinicians are worried you might not go ahead, but in that case, were you sufficiently informed about the procedure and its possible side effects to give your informed consent to undergo the procedure? I've had this discussion with consultants in connection with the presentations I regularly give, and some consultants certainly worry about this. It's the sort of thing that's probably got worse during COVID restrictions too, with even less access to clinicians than normal.

Edited by member 28 Oct 2020 at 10:06  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 28 Oct 2020 at 10:41

Hi Andy, I just assumed that when I was told no erections that meant no orgasms. Had I not tried myself I’d never have known and my penis would have wasted away, so to speak. Someone needed to be a bit more explicit! Hope you’re doing well now, in spite of COVID? 

User
Posted 28 Oct 2020 at 11:43
I had done a lot of reading before John's RP and, on the day his catheter was removed, used a lot of lube to show him that an orgasm was possible without an erection 🤭

One thing noticed in our house - and I have seen posted by other members over the years - is that multiple orgasms are now the norm for J where prior to RP, he had never experienced this. Silver linings and all that!

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 28 Oct 2020 at 13:00

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

Hi Andy, I just assumed that when I was told no erections that meant no orgasms. Had I not tried myself I’d never have known and my penis would have wasted away, so to speak. Someone needed to be a bit more explicit! Hope you’re doing well now, in spite of COVID? 

I cover this on my Surviving Hormone Therapy sessions, and it does seem to be something which is not well known. As you say, the whole area of what you can expect to work and what you can expect not to work in any given treatment situation just isn't covered by clinicians. Some hospitals run a Prostatectomy School event for men before the operation, and even some of those don't cover this (actually, I never heard of one that does).

Doing well thanks - just waiting for the last hormone therapy jab to expire, and puberty Mk II. I've spent much of the summer presenting to prostate cancer patients, well over 500 now, which I've really enjoyed doing and got loads of fantastic feedback. Over 400 of them should now know they can orgasm without an erection!

User
Posted 28 Oct 2020 at 14:03

Lyn are you sure you are not wonder woman?

User
Posted 28 Oct 2020 at 15:00
Definitely not - my boobs are larger, my waist is smaller and I rarely wear big knickers 😂

I have to confide though ... when I was 17 and waiting to be old enough to marry John without parental consent, I took myself off to France to work for a few months at a business exhibition centre. On arrival, I discovered that I was required to wear a gold lamé leotard with a red cape and fishnet tights - the job did not last long :-/

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 28 Oct 2020 at 19:12
No part of that statement has convinced me otherwise!
User
Posted 29 Oct 2020 at 01:56

Photos please!

User
Posted 29 Oct 2020 at 10:11
Now, now, Matron, you’re turning us all on!

Not that some of us will be capable of doing anything about it😉

Cheers, John.

User
Posted 01 Nov 2020 at 12:38

Thanks for sharing your positive experiences! One point not yet mentioned in this thread is that there are two bundles of nerves, and the one serving sensation (pudendal nerve) is seldom cut even in non-nerve sparing surgery, hence your wonderful experience of orgasm without full erection. I also had that sensation right through from directly after surgery. The bundle of nerves that often don't get spared are not the ones serving the sensations of the penis, but rather those controlling erections. It sounds as though there is also some function in those nerves given the swelling you are experiencing.

 
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