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Posted 17 Nov 2020 at 00:43

This is something I have wanted to write for a very long time and to share with someone.  It’s about prostate cancer and what it did to me and my wife.  I write this because I find that most males don’t talk about their feelings and anxieties, especially when it involves sexual deficiencies and especially with other males.  There are lots of men’s prostate cancer stories out there, but almost all focus only on the medical processes involved like surgery, radiation therapy, and coming to terms with the likelihood of an unpleasant death a little earlier than expected.  There are lots of Youtube videos that cover it.

So here’s my story.  I am 68 years old and have been (mostly) retired for 12 years.  I was married young at 24 to my wife who was 22 and we beat the odds by still being together 45 years later.  Life has been good to us.  For the first 10 years of marriage we were totally free and easy.  Dual income, no kids.  Lots of travel.  We have several great friendships, both together and individually.  My wife teases me because most of my individual friends are women, who I see from time to time over coffee, lunch or dinner.  We have 2 adult children who are both doing really well.  My daughter is married and a mother.  My son is in a long term relationship.  They and their partners all have great jobs. 

My wife and I have had a good sex life even after many years, although it has not been that imaginative.  My wife enjoys sex and has the enviable skill of being able to orgasm just about any time she wants to during sex.  Life was fun and fulfilling for both of us until 2010 – the worst year of my life when things came crashing down. 

Early in that year I was diagnosed with prostate cancer.  Being young enough and in good shape, the medical establishment recommended that I have the surgery to remove my prostate, which I did.  I needed to get rid of it and the cancer.  The physicians went through the long list of consequences of the surgery, telling me I would be impotent for quite a while but erectile function should return eventually, but neglected to tell me I would lose an inch of penis length and some girth along with it.  My wife is a health professional who helped me to be realistic about the future.  She was so supportive.  I barely had time to recover from the surgery when I found out my blood PSA level was not zero like it was supposed to be and it was rising.  The surgery had failed to get all the cancer cells.  Next stop – 37 bouts of radiation done daily.  I knew then any hope of returning erectile function was probably gone.  After several months of healing I tried some heavy doses of Viagra to no avail.  My urologist told me I had to be patient.  It can take 4 years for function to return if it ever does.  I fell into a real funk.  Not really a clinical depression, but I was definitely depressed.

My wife and I settled into a virtually sexless marriage for which I have myself to blame.  I was not just depressed about my sexual function and afraid to fail, I was questioning my identity as a male.  That was the worst.  We remained close but gradually evolved into a “friends with almost no benefits” relationship.  In the meantime, my PSA level was gradually increasing yet again.  The radiation had also failed.  My urologist and oncologist watched my PSA level rise to 10 over a period of almost 5 years, trying to delay more treatment as long as possible.  When time ran out, it was on to the next step – hormone therapy.  That’s a misnomer.  It’s really called androgen deprivation therapy or ADT, taking drugs to stop the production of testosterone which is what the cancer cells feed on.  Another kiss of death to penetrative sex.  Today, my testosterone level is lower than my wife’s.  At this point, I knew that my prostate cancer was manageable but not curable.  ADT therapy only lasts for a certain amount of time, losing its effectiveness when the cancer cells learn how to no longer need testosterone to grow.  I’m not afraid of dying as much as I am of getting sick.  I saw a psychologist that specializes in therapy that helps men and their partners deal with prostate cancer.  I saw her a half dozen times and she helped me put things in perspective.  What does being a man mean to me?  What do I want to do while I’m still feeling good?  How can I have good sex, for me and my partner without penetration?  I heard her, but I couldn’t give up.  My wife is fine with me going down on her but she really enjoys penetration.

When I started ADT therapy back in 2015, I started going to monthly meetings of a prostate cancer support group of men who were either on ADT therapy or chemotherapy and incurable.  They call themselves the Warriors, a name I hate.  We’re not warriors.  We’re not battling cancer.  We’re just living with it and using the tools available to help us live with a reasonable quality of life.  At each of these meetings, when we went around the table, each one of us was asked how we were doing.  All I ever heard from the others was their PSA level, what drugs they were on, their oncologist reports, etc.  Nobody ever talked about how they or their partners were doing emotionally or sexually.  The last meeting I went to, I told the group about my most recent session with my psychologist and what we talked about.  The room went silent.  That’s what made it my last meeting.

Of all the bad side effects that ADT therapy can cause, I only get hot flashes for which I get no sympathy from my older female friends.  The weird part is that having no testosterone was supposed to essentially kill my sex drive but the opposite happened. I really wanted sex and still do.   Maybe my male identity issues continue to linger in my mind and I need to prove to myself that I am really a man in all respects.  I am very lucky to have access to an incredible urologist who specializes in men’s sexual health.  Guys like him are rare!  He put me on the mother of all erectile drugs – Trimix.  It’s injected into the penis which takes a bit of practice. It didn’t take long for me to get used to the idea of sticking a needle into my penis, although the first few times were pretty scary.  It worked enough (not great) to give me a semi hard erection of 5 inches on a good day.  It looked like enough for penetration with some lube.   It does have the benefit of endurance.  I stay (semi) hard for a good 2 to 3 hours.  Advice:  don’t use it if you have to go out anytime soon.

One night 2 years ago, my wife and I each grabbed a large scotch and sat down for a good hard talk about where our relationship was headed.  We talked about the sex we weren’t having and how we were drifting apart.  We decided on a weekly sex date every Sunday (with my need for Trimix, spontaneity is out of the question).   This was my wife’s idea.   Our sex dates have been great and have improved every aspect of our relationship amazingly.  I had had many conversations with myself leading up to this night about how I would feel if my wife had sex with someone else.  I knew I could handle it when I told her that I wanted her to feel free to experience a “normal” penis, and that it would be fine with me.  She said she appreciated the gesture but didn’t think she would ever act on it.  She also told me that if she did act on it, I may never know because she didn’t want it to risk changing our relationship in a bad way.  I told her I could accept that.  To make sure she knows I am serious, I bring it up every few months (I learned that too often is not good).  I want her to do it if she finds she wants to.  My wife and I have a mantra we both live by – “We are adults.  We can do what we want”.  A couple of months ago we were talking about bucket list items (something that becomes front burner when you have cancer) and I told her one item on my list is to have sex with another woman.  She said I should go for it, even though it’s going to be challenging for me.  I just might if the opportunity arises.

So, that’s my story.  Not sure what the future holds.  My message is to not give up.   I am a worst case scenario, it’s most likely not this bad for others.  See a therapist, it’s absolutely worth it.  Open up to your partner long before I did and keep talking.

User
Posted 17 Nov 2020 at 00:43

This is something I have wanted to write for a very long time and to share with someone.  It’s about prostate cancer and what it did to me and my wife.  I write this because I find that most males don’t talk about their feelings and anxieties, especially when it involves sexual deficiencies and especially with other males.  There are lots of men’s prostate cancer stories out there, but almost all focus only on the medical processes involved like surgery, radiation therapy, and coming to terms with the likelihood of an unpleasant death a little earlier than expected.  There are lots of Youtube videos that cover it.

So here’s my story.  I am 68 years old and have been (mostly) retired for 12 years.  I was married young at 24 to my wife who was 22 and we beat the odds by still being together 45 years later.  Life has been good to us.  For the first 10 years of marriage we were totally free and easy.  Dual income, no kids.  Lots of travel.  We have several great friendships, both together and individually.  My wife teases me because most of my individual friends are women, who I see from time to time over coffee, lunch or dinner.  We have 2 adult children who are both doing really well.  My daughter is married and a mother.  My son is in a long term relationship.  They and their partners all have great jobs. 

My wife and I have had a good sex life even after many years, although it has not been that imaginative.  My wife enjoys sex and has the enviable skill of being able to orgasm just about any time she wants to during sex.  Life was fun and fulfilling for both of us until 2010 – the worst year of my life when things came crashing down. 

Early in that year I was diagnosed with prostate cancer.  Being young enough and in good shape, the medical establishment recommended that I have the surgery to remove my prostate, which I did.  I needed to get rid of it and the cancer.  The physicians went through the long list of consequences of the surgery, telling me I would be impotent for quite a while but erectile function should return eventually, but neglected to tell me I would lose an inch of penis length and some girth along with it.  My wife is a health professional who helped me to be realistic about the future.  She was so supportive.  I barely had time to recover from the surgery when I found out my blood PSA level was not zero like it was supposed to be and it was rising.  The surgery had failed to get all the cancer cells.  Next stop – 37 bouts of radiation done daily.  I knew then any hope of returning erectile function was probably gone.  After several months of healing I tried some heavy doses of Viagra to no avail.  My urologist told me I had to be patient.  It can take 4 years for function to return if it ever does.  I fell into a real funk.  Not really a clinical depression, but I was definitely depressed.

My wife and I settled into a virtually sexless marriage for which I have myself to blame.  I was not just depressed about my sexual function and afraid to fail, I was questioning my identity as a male.  That was the worst.  We remained close but gradually evolved into a “friends with almost no benefits” relationship.  In the meantime, my PSA level was gradually increasing yet again.  The radiation had also failed.  My urologist and oncologist watched my PSA level rise to 10 over a period of almost 5 years, trying to delay more treatment as long as possible.  When time ran out, it was on to the next step – hormone therapy.  That’s a misnomer.  It’s really called androgen deprivation therapy or ADT, taking drugs to stop the production of testosterone which is what the cancer cells feed on.  Another kiss of death to penetrative sex.  Today, my testosterone level is lower than my wife’s.  At this point, I knew that my prostate cancer was manageable but not curable.  ADT therapy only lasts for a certain amount of time, losing its effectiveness when the cancer cells learn how to no longer need testosterone to grow.  I’m not afraid of dying as much as I am of getting sick.  I saw a psychologist that specializes in therapy that helps men and their partners deal with prostate cancer.  I saw her a half dozen times and she helped me put things in perspective.  What does being a man mean to me?  What do I want to do while I’m still feeling good?  How can I have good sex, for me and my partner without penetration?  I heard her, but I couldn’t give up.  My wife is fine with me going down on her but she really enjoys penetration.

When I started ADT therapy back in 2015, I started going to monthly meetings of a prostate cancer support group of men who were either on ADT therapy or chemotherapy and incurable.  They call themselves the Warriors, a name I hate.  We’re not warriors.  We’re not battling cancer.  We’re just living with it and using the tools available to help us live with a reasonable quality of life.  At each of these meetings, when we went around the table, each one of us was asked how we were doing.  All I ever heard from the others was their PSA level, what drugs they were on, their oncologist reports, etc.  Nobody ever talked about how they or their partners were doing emotionally or sexually.  The last meeting I went to, I told the group about my most recent session with my psychologist and what we talked about.  The room went silent.  That’s what made it my last meeting.

Of all the bad side effects that ADT therapy can cause, I only get hot flashes for which I get no sympathy from my older female friends.  The weird part is that having no testosterone was supposed to essentially kill my sex drive but the opposite happened. I really wanted sex and still do.   Maybe my male identity issues continue to linger in my mind and I need to prove to myself that I am really a man in all respects.  I am very lucky to have access to an incredible urologist who specializes in men’s sexual health.  Guys like him are rare!  He put me on the mother of all erectile drugs – Trimix.  It’s injected into the penis which takes a bit of practice. It didn’t take long for me to get used to the idea of sticking a needle into my penis, although the first few times were pretty scary.  It worked enough (not great) to give me a semi hard erection of 5 inches on a good day.  It looked like enough for penetration with some lube.   It does have the benefit of endurance.  I stay (semi) hard for a good 2 to 3 hours.  Advice:  don’t use it if you have to go out anytime soon.

One night 2 years ago, my wife and I each grabbed a large scotch and sat down for a good hard talk about where our relationship was headed.  We talked about the sex we weren’t having and how we were drifting apart.  We decided on a weekly sex date every Sunday (with my need for Trimix, spontaneity is out of the question).   This was my wife’s idea.   Our sex dates have been great and have improved every aspect of our relationship amazingly.  I had had many conversations with myself leading up to this night about how I would feel if my wife had sex with someone else.  I knew I could handle it when I told her that I wanted her to feel free to experience a “normal” penis, and that it would be fine with me.  She said she appreciated the gesture but didn’t think she would ever act on it.  She also told me that if she did act on it, I may never know because she didn’t want it to risk changing our relationship in a bad way.  I told her I could accept that.  To make sure she knows I am serious, I bring it up every few months (I learned that too often is not good).  I want her to do it if she finds she wants to.  My wife and I have a mantra we both live by – “We are adults.  We can do what we want”.  A couple of months ago we were talking about bucket list items (something that becomes front burner when you have cancer) and I told her one item on my list is to have sex with another woman.  She said I should go for it, even though it’s going to be challenging for me.  I just might if the opportunity arises.

So, that’s my story.  Not sure what the future holds.  My message is to not give up.   I am a worst case scenario, it’s most likely not this bad for others.  See a therapist, it’s absolutely worth it.  Open up to your partner long before I did and keep talking.

User
Posted 20 Nov 2020 at 09:40

Hi Albertacam

My husband started bicalutimide for a month 5 weeks ago and had a decapeptyl (triptorelin) injection 3 weeks ago. His PSA has already dropped to 0.5 (the test was taken 2 weeks after the injection.) We were expecting awful side effects but he hasnt had any either other than a mild hot flush once or twice...with a heavy jumper on and an excited Bernese jumping around as he tried to put his lead on!! 

He has not lost his ability to have an almost functional erection (the pump makes it workable) without any medication, can still orgasm and is still interested in me and in sex with me. We expected that this would start to wane but the oncologist told him yesterday that he should have had all the symptoms he was going to have by now....I live in hope because like you i think there are other reasons behind his desire other than testosterone.

5 or 6 years ago but probably from up to 14 years ago his testosterone had slowly decreased to under 4 (it had even recovered a bit by the time the time it was eventually tested), he had quite significant gynaecomastia, lost all the hair on his legs, and felt really awful....had put on weight, lost competitive urge at work and we werent having sex very often because of young kids and his lack of making any moves. However he never once failed to get and keep an erection when I made a move (or got him to)  and was always very loving and affectionate so the quality of our love making was always high if seriously lacking in quantity! (Once a month approx sometimes with longer breaks, the longest one being 10 months once)

I was also taken up with the kids with my own health issues and with studying. It always really bothered me that his drive was way lower than mine and I had suppressed mine to match I guess. Yet he was and is loving and flirtatious, a wonderful husband and father who really was and is the caring nurturing person in our house, cooking the dinner everyday despite a demanding career. (I have narcolepsy since we were only 6 months together so we divvy up the chores to fit around it and besides I hate cooking dinners!)

Anyway 5 to 6 years ago I took the bull by the horns, told him I loved him dearly but wanted more physical expression of same especially since in my late 40s then I might soon lose interest myself! I got the coil fitted (up till then had been practising abstinence when necessary because once a month was all I was getting anyway so why take chemicals)  and started making all the moves myself if he didnt. I took him away on holidays to where we went on our honeymoon and we had sex everyday, I even started drinking again ( always made me sick so hadnt bothered trying) and discovered I could have any amount of bacardi without repercussions! Armed with 3 or 4 of them I became way less inhibited about making moves and our sex life took off again (for us!!) At least once or twice a week we made love and it was great! Only 2 months into this strategy we got the PSA test that changed everything but it took another 8 months to get to surgery and his interest and everything else was really up then thinking it was going to be taken from us. After surgery it took 4 full years to get to our first drug free pump free bonk but we were having assisted full sex within a year. Sadly he has never recovered morning wood but at least he never had incontinence bar coughing or farting if he wasnt careful ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜.

The gynaecomastia became a real issue in the year after surgery and he went to an endocrinologist who recommended T replacement therapy. The endo couldnt get over his muscle strength, chest hair or libido which was still lower than normal but very much there. Obviously the Urologist had a fit and T replacement was never going to be a runner. 

In the last 1 to 2 years the moob stopped growing, the hair started to grow back on his legs and by last January 2020 he was back being a shark at work. We were also having regular sex with assistance of cialis and the pump and then just the pump.

In January 2019, 3 years after the first PSA test, 2.5 years after surgery, we had a biochemical recurrence. The doubling time was about 13 months and that story has been told elsewhere. However between January and April this year the doubling time jumped to 6 months around the same time his leg hair thickened up, he looked way better than ever in the past few years and was in that super competitive and interested again phase at work. He was even more attractive to me though I hadnt really articulated that. We both think he had a rapid rise in Testosterone which was what caused the halving in doubling time...but it still was probably lower than normal. That just conjecture but it all adds up.

So it seems that he had managed to keep running on low T...having a super sexy always up for it wife helps I guess ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚...and is now keeping going on virtually no T!! (I hope the cancer does not also keep going๐Ÿฅบ๐Ÿฅบ) 

I'm sure people will come on and say ah its early days yet and he ll lose interest eventually. Like you, it doesn't make sense, but we'll take what we can get!!  I hope this gives some other men confidence that it might not be as black and white as it seems! 

Misty xx

 

User
Posted 13 Apr 2021 at 20:22

Thought it would be good to update you all in this super positive thread! I've updated my profile too if anybody wants to read it.

We are on the heavy stuff now!! Eg CAB! Combined Androgen Blockade frontloaded for hopefully increased overall survival. Most interesting though is that we have continued to have date nights every 2 weeks or so and with Cialis 20mg he still gets an almost (but not quite) functioning erection. We have had penetrative sex using the pump and he has orgasms about 50% of the time from all types of stimulation. They are really great and intense when they happen...but more elusive...its harder to stay focused and in the zone...All very understandable to most women at many points in their lives๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Considering he is now 2 months into CAB and 6 months into ADT generally, he is just so thrilled to be "gaming the system" as he calls it! He maintains it's all about frame of mind and where there is a will there is a way. I imagine so much of this is down to complete trust and understanding between us (yay me!!) and the fact that there is no blame or recriminations ever. Sadly that doesn't seem to be the case for a lot of guys which is very difficult.

He apologised for not coming last week and I said that if I had apologised (and we felt like we had failed) everytime I didnt come over the years, where would we be! (I'm not one of the lucky ones physically set up to make it happen easily!!)  I suggested that if he doesn't come we should think of it as being more on me, and since I certainly came thanks to his ministrations, he should be completely pleased with himself. And funnily enough he was...especially the next morning when he did come! I don't know if he realises that I am just so grateful he hasnt withdrawn or pushed me away ...that even kisses are enough for me to feel loved. Even a hint of an erection is a massive bonus and enough to convince me that he must still fancy the pants off me after 30 plus years together๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ Its so funny how you reset your expectations.

We usually both have a few drinks on date nights (I never drink at all normally so I'm a cheap date) because it helps us focus and lose ourselves more. I wish a certain thing you could smoke was legal here because a puff or two definitely helps focus the mind but we can't grow any in case our kids would cop....and we are not about to go looking for it cos they would definitely find out ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ 

I live with a constant underlying fear of being left on my own and I'm sure he has his fears too...but strangely since we were told last October that this was it now...living with cancer for however long we got (which considering we could have over 40 years of life left given our age definitely wont be enough)  we have both been happier than ever day to day. It's like the world and our lives are placed in sharper focus. 

Thanks Albertacam for your positivity. It certainly helped us! And I have made a good friend here over the years who is also still making love to his wife despite being on HT. While we are still both well (thankfully my husband still has had no symptoms other than from treatment) It often doesn't have to be over even if it isn't what it once was. 

 

 

 

User
Posted 20 Nov 2020 at 20:14

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
I'm sure people will come on and say ah its early days yet and he ll lose interest eventually. Like you, it doesn't make sense, but we'll take what we can get!! I hope this gives some other men confidence that it might not be as black and white as it seems!

Thanks so much for sharing Misty!  I think my story and especially yours shows that how the female partner behaves can make a huge difference in the level of intimacy.  You show that withdrawing and "letting him deal with it" usually does not go well.  Pushing your partner to have sex is not only good for you, but it's even better for him.  He is supports his identity as he continues to feel like a man.

His interest in sex may wain somewhat in the future, but your sexual enthusiasm will likely actually prevent that from happening.  Interest is all in the mind and his mind is going to want to know he's a man and make you sexually and intimately happy.

I wish you and your partner all the best!  xx

User
Posted 14 Apr 2021 at 13:21
Thanks Misty , awesome post !!!

Yes Iโ€™m now 3 months into injectable HT and itโ€™s way less as bad as I thought it was going to be. Reduced but very present libido. Still find wife very attractive ( and ladies in general ). Erectile function unaltered but slight shrinkage and especially to testicles , but penetration still easy with ring. Yep , as others say itโ€™s the orgasm thing !! Mostly I donโ€™t come but have mini โ€˜wavesโ€™ which are still great , and I just know when to stop and smile and hug and not make it a big deal. Still once a week I reckon. So glad Iโ€™m more chilled and have a superb wife

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

User
Posted 14 Apr 2021 at 13:29

Thanks so much Chris - it wonderful to hear you and a few others reporting that we don't have to lose our libido when we have hormone treatment. Yay!

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
Thanks Misty , awesome post !!!
Mostly I don’t come but have mini ‘waves’ which are still great , and I just know when to stop and smile and hug and not make it a big deal. 

I am also getting over the need to have orgasms the way I did as a young man. I am thrilled to hear you are making this shift with such a positive attitude. I have been (both mourning and) celebrating this recently with my wife. Like you said, if we are mindful, those waves of energy are quite profound and make the specifics of orgasm less relevant. I experience it as love and energy circulation through both of our bodies and it is exquisite.

Like others have said, this cancer is an opportunity to be flexible (literally and figuratively ๐Ÿ˜—)and experience new ways of making love. It has been a huge liberation for both of us that either one can "know when to stop and smile and hug" as you say, and enjoy the huge joy of making love with each other without being attached to a specific orgasmic outcome.

User
Posted 14 Apr 2021 at 15:44
Nothing wrong with that dear friend. You helped me at a very specific time in my life , as I have helped you over the years. Thereโ€™s friends for you. Long may it last x

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

User
Posted 15 Apr 2021 at 14:14

I think the problem is the potency nowdays Chris. It's not like it was 30 or 40 years ago when we would have been in college and any access you had was probably homegrown with a tiny percentage of THC...or a bit of resin that would be diluted a lot with tobacco. Sadly in America there are now problems with people who smoke too much too often because while they legalised it, it seems they didn't regulate potency. Anybody who has watched Narcos on Netflix will know how much the product has changed over the years with selective breeding. I would hate my own kids to dabble now.

We were so cautious with this stuff...a sniff of it would nearly knock you out before you'd even light it. We used a small fingernail worth between two of us each time we smoked it in the little pipe...if you put that much into a cookie for one person you probably would be sick! That's why it lasted us so long. I'd prefer to get much less potent stuff like years ago where you could roll it and smoke away in a sociable fashion. I just wish it was legal and regulated. Legal weed for the over 50s anyone??๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜€ That would be a fun campaign ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

User
Posted 17 Nov 2020 at 18:37

That is a good post Albert. I guess people are a bit reserved about their sex life, with or without cancer. I keep this link in my favourites as it covers the emotional and sex side quite well. 

https://community.prostatecanceruk.org/posts/t21271-Relationships

 

Dave

User
Posted 17 Nov 2020 at 18:40
A very thought provoking post that many many men and women will relate to. Sadly the support services post treatment are lacking.

None of my friends are aware of any of the side effects I have to live with. Maybe I should make them aware as it may prompt more men to get tested.

I know my wife and I donโ€™t talk a lot about some of the issues we face. Truth be known we hardly ever mention it

Itโ€™s quite refreshing to see your post and Iโ€™m a tad jealous of the clearly very open relationship you and your wife have

Bri

User
Posted 18 Nov 2020 at 11:28

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

This is something I have wanted to write for a very long time and to share with someone.  It’s about prostate cancer and what it did to me and my wife.  I write this because I find that most males don’t talk about their feelings and anxieties, especially when it involves sexual deficiencies and especially with other males. 

Thank you so much for your courage and your clarity in sharing this story with us! I have learned a lot from you, even though I am not on hormone therapy and am therefore one of the "lucky ones." Like you said, prostate treatment doesn't just change us, it also changes our relationships. Fundamentally, post prostatectomy, I have a different body and 9 months later, both I and my wife are having to be creative to learn what it means to us. I feel like a virgin quite often - starting out all over again with sex as if it was the first time.

In many ways it is a first time - with my new prostateless body and floppy penis. And you are right - it is more about feelings and relationship than the technical stuff.

User
Posted 20 Nov 2020 at 00:22

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

Take a bow Albert, thanks for sharing your story. HT is a soft term, it should be made clear if you're prescribed Prostap or any other anti androgen equivalents you are being chemically castrated and libido will disappear.

When diagnosed you're in such a state of panic and shock you'll accept any treatment that turns the tide of the cancer.

Hi JasperM,

You are absolutely correct ... for most men.  But I end up with an increased sex drive after 5 years of ADT drugs of ever increasing potency (pun not intended).  I know it's weird, and it may be driven by a need to be/feel like a complete man.  So far, it hasn't worn off and I hope it doesn't. 

 

User
Posted 14 Apr 2021 at 00:27

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
I have made a good friend here over the years who is also still making love to his wife despite being on HT. While we are still both well (thankfully my husband still has had no symptoms other than from treatment) It often doesn't have to be over even if it isn't what it once was.

Hi again Misty,

A great post that I trust will inspire others to keep intimacy alive.  I can be done with active, nurturing women in the men's lives.  Even if it isn't what it once was, it can be great! And so key to a healthy marriage.

BTW:  I live in Canada where pot is legal.  Every bit helps.  :)

Cam xx

User
Posted 14 Apr 2021 at 09:56

Albertacam, Misty, Mish58 -

I agree with all you say. Personally I/we have moved on from trying to recover previous levels of functionality and rather look to exceed them within the new enforced physical framework. I now dont regret having PCa has it has opened up many new perspectives. 

- I have experienced adult life without the overriding influence of testosterone. Temporarily at least at this stage. But it does provide an interesting viewpoint of the world around and its obsessions.

- Due to treatment induced ED and shrinkage I have been able to experiment and experience orgasms separated from erections. And yes it is more like what I believe a female orgasm is like and many times is a significantly more satisfying experience. I now believe that the standard combination of erection and ejaculation limits most men to a 2nd rate orgasm experience.

- I have traversed the ADT process and gone from formerly daily intercourse to complete disinterest, to being unmoved by a naked wife, to finding kissing her to be like kissing ones mother. Then with the return of testosterone to experiencing returning desire and lust and finding a new appreciation of her as a wife and partner.

While I acknowledge the devastating and ongoing impact of this disease on both our lives and relationship it hasn't been a complete disaster and it can uncover some positive opportunities for personal growth if you can recognise them.

Cheers

John

User
Posted 16 Apr 2021 at 00:54

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
I'd prefer to get much less potent stuff like years ago where you could roll it and smoke away in a sociable fashion.

Hi Misty, 

It's time to take a trip to Canada (after Covid, of course)!  When you visit a cannabis shop here, the servers will talk to through what you want and how to use it.  They all have several kinds of Cannabis with a variety of strengths.  They want you to have a good time and not to get in over your head.  You want to have great sex and be buzzed but totally functional, they can help.  :)

Albertacam

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User
Posted 17 Nov 2020 at 08:38
Albert, "hormone therapy" is an umbrella term used to cover a range of different drug treatments; it's not a misnomer. Some forms of HT are indeed ADT, blocking the production of testosterone, but others are not. When I had my HT as part of my radiotherapy I was on a drug called bicalutimide,which blocks the take-up of testosterone by the body's cells, but not its production.

You're right about the mental aspects of prostate cancer often being overlooked; I found them harder to deal with that the physical side of the treatment.

Thanks for sharing your story,

Chris

User
Posted 17 Nov 2020 at 18:37

That is a good post Albert. I guess people are a bit reserved about their sex life, with or without cancer. I keep this link in my favourites as it covers the emotional and sex side quite well. 

https://community.prostatecanceruk.org/posts/t21271-Relationships

 

Dave

User
Posted 17 Nov 2020 at 18:40
A very thought provoking post that many many men and women will relate to. Sadly the support services post treatment are lacking.

None of my friends are aware of any of the side effects I have to live with. Maybe I should make them aware as it may prompt more men to get tested.

I know my wife and I donโ€™t talk a lot about some of the issues we face. Truth be known we hardly ever mention it

Itโ€™s quite refreshing to see your post and Iโ€™m a tad jealous of the clearly very open relationship you and your wife have

Bri

User
Posted 18 Nov 2020 at 04:33
Albert, my fiancรฉe of 40 years lost all interest in sex after her hysterectomy about six years ago, but would put up with it (if you pardon the pun). I had a prostatectomy two and a half years ago and am now incapable of penetrative sex.

We are both very happy.

Cheers, John.

User
Posted 18 Nov 2020 at 06:59

Hi John,

So glad to hear you and your partner are very happy.  That is really what we are all striving for.

Albert

User
Posted 18 Nov 2020 at 09:26

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
None of my friends are aware of any of the side effects I have to live with. Maybe I should make them aware as it may prompt more men to get tested.

 

It could have the opposite effect as well, Bri. John tells his mates stories about injections, pumps, etc and they all have a good laugh but I don't think it has made any of them particularly keen to find out whether they might have PCa! 

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 18 Nov 2020 at 11:11

Take a bow Albert, thanks for sharing your story. HT is a soft term, it should be made clear if you're prescribed Prostap or any other anti androgen equivalents you are being chemically castrated and libido will disappear.

When diagnosed you're in such a state of panic and shock you'll accept any treatment that turns the tide of the cancer.

 

 

User
Posted 18 Nov 2020 at 11:23

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

None of my friends are aware of any of the side effects I have to live with. Maybe I should make them aware as it may prompt more men to get tested.
Bri

Yes! Please do that! I know it is hard for us to talk about such an intimate vulnerability, but we need to do so. Somehow we have made erectile function undiscussable. Maybe it's simply because it matters so much to us! I know for me, ED has some kind of connection with humiliation. 

I believe ED as a result of cancer treatment makes the whole issue much more "discussable" and I urge you to go out and talk to your friends - and you wife!

User
Posted 18 Nov 2020 at 11:28

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

This is something I have wanted to write for a very long time and to share with someone.  It’s about prostate cancer and what it did to me and my wife.  I write this because I find that most males don’t talk about their feelings and anxieties, especially when it involves sexual deficiencies and especially with other males. 

Thank you so much for your courage and your clarity in sharing this story with us! I have learned a lot from you, even though I am not on hormone therapy and am therefore one of the "lucky ones." Like you said, prostate treatment doesn't just change us, it also changes our relationships. Fundamentally, post prostatectomy, I have a different body and 9 months later, both I and my wife are having to be creative to learn what it means to us. I feel like a virgin quite often - starting out all over again with sex as if it was the first time.

In many ways it is a first time - with my new prostateless body and floppy penis. And you are right - it is more about feelings and relationship than the technical stuff.

User
Posted 20 Nov 2020 at 00:22

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

Take a bow Albert, thanks for sharing your story. HT is a soft term, it should be made clear if you're prescribed Prostap or any other anti androgen equivalents you are being chemically castrated and libido will disappear.

When diagnosed you're in such a state of panic and shock you'll accept any treatment that turns the tide of the cancer.

Hi JasperM,

You are absolutely correct ... for most men.  But I end up with an increased sex drive after 5 years of ADT drugs of ever increasing potency (pun not intended).  I know it's weird, and it may be driven by a need to be/feel like a complete man.  So far, it hasn't worn off and I hope it doesn't. 

 

User
Posted 20 Nov 2020 at 08:42

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

... I end up with an increased sex drive after 5 years of ADT drugs of ever increasing potency (pun not intended).  I know it's weird, and it may be driven by a need to be/feel like a complete man.  So far, it hasn't worn off and I hope it doesn't. 

Whatever is driving it, I am glad you are letting us know that sexual energies can even survive ADT drugs! Wishing you and your wife well ...

User
Posted 20 Nov 2020 at 09:40

Hi Albertacam

My husband started bicalutimide for a month 5 weeks ago and had a decapeptyl (triptorelin) injection 3 weeks ago. His PSA has already dropped to 0.5 (the test was taken 2 weeks after the injection.) We were expecting awful side effects but he hasnt had any either other than a mild hot flush once or twice...with a heavy jumper on and an excited Bernese jumping around as he tried to put his lead on!! 

He has not lost his ability to have an almost functional erection (the pump makes it workable) without any medication, can still orgasm and is still interested in me and in sex with me. We expected that this would start to wane but the oncologist told him yesterday that he should have had all the symptoms he was going to have by now....I live in hope because like you i think there are other reasons behind his desire other than testosterone.

5 or 6 years ago but probably from up to 14 years ago his testosterone had slowly decreased to under 4 (it had even recovered a bit by the time the time it was eventually tested), he had quite significant gynaecomastia, lost all the hair on his legs, and felt really awful....had put on weight, lost competitive urge at work and we werent having sex very often because of young kids and his lack of making any moves. However he never once failed to get and keep an erection when I made a move (or got him to)  and was always very loving and affectionate so the quality of our love making was always high if seriously lacking in quantity! (Once a month approx sometimes with longer breaks, the longest one being 10 months once)

I was also taken up with the kids with my own health issues and with studying. It always really bothered me that his drive was way lower than mine and I had suppressed mine to match I guess. Yet he was and is loving and flirtatious, a wonderful husband and father who really was and is the caring nurturing person in our house, cooking the dinner everyday despite a demanding career. (I have narcolepsy since we were only 6 months together so we divvy up the chores to fit around it and besides I hate cooking dinners!)

Anyway 5 to 6 years ago I took the bull by the horns, told him I loved him dearly but wanted more physical expression of same especially since in my late 40s then I might soon lose interest myself! I got the coil fitted (up till then had been practising abstinence when necessary because once a month was all I was getting anyway so why take chemicals)  and started making all the moves myself if he didnt. I took him away on holidays to where we went on our honeymoon and we had sex everyday, I even started drinking again ( always made me sick so hadnt bothered trying) and discovered I could have any amount of bacardi without repercussions! Armed with 3 or 4 of them I became way less inhibited about making moves and our sex life took off again (for us!!) At least once or twice a week we made love and it was great! Only 2 months into this strategy we got the PSA test that changed everything but it took another 8 months to get to surgery and his interest and everything else was really up then thinking it was going to be taken from us. After surgery it took 4 full years to get to our first drug free pump free bonk but we were having assisted full sex within a year. Sadly he has never recovered morning wood but at least he never had incontinence bar coughing or farting if he wasnt careful ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜.

The gynaecomastia became a real issue in the year after surgery and he went to an endocrinologist who recommended T replacement therapy. The endo couldnt get over his muscle strength, chest hair or libido which was still lower than normal but very much there. Obviously the Urologist had a fit and T replacement was never going to be a runner. 

In the last 1 to 2 years the moob stopped growing, the hair started to grow back on his legs and by last January 2020 he was back being a shark at work. We were also having regular sex with assistance of cialis and the pump and then just the pump.

In January 2019, 3 years after the first PSA test, 2.5 years after surgery, we had a biochemical recurrence. The doubling time was about 13 months and that story has been told elsewhere. However between January and April this year the doubling time jumped to 6 months around the same time his leg hair thickened up, he looked way better than ever in the past few years and was in that super competitive and interested again phase at work. He was even more attractive to me though I hadnt really articulated that. We both think he had a rapid rise in Testosterone which was what caused the halving in doubling time...but it still was probably lower than normal. That just conjecture but it all adds up.

So it seems that he had managed to keep running on low T...having a super sexy always up for it wife helps I guess ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚...and is now keeping going on virtually no T!! (I hope the cancer does not also keep going๐Ÿฅบ๐Ÿฅบ) 

I'm sure people will come on and say ah its early days yet and he ll lose interest eventually. Like you, it doesn't make sense, but we'll take what we can get!!  I hope this gives some other men confidence that it might not be as black and white as it seems! 

Misty xx

 

User
Posted 20 Nov 2020 at 14:27

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

...having a super sexy always up for it wife helps I guess ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚...

Yes! Your husband is a lucky man and you are a blessing. Thanks for sharing!

User
Posted 20 Nov 2020 at 20:14

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
I'm sure people will come on and say ah its early days yet and he ll lose interest eventually. Like you, it doesn't make sense, but we'll take what we can get!! I hope this gives some other men confidence that it might not be as black and white as it seems!

Thanks so much for sharing Misty!  I think my story and especially yours shows that how the female partner behaves can make a huge difference in the level of intimacy.  You show that withdrawing and "letting him deal with it" usually does not go well.  Pushing your partner to have sex is not only good for you, but it's even better for him.  He is supports his identity as he continues to feel like a man.

His interest in sex may wain somewhat in the future, but your sexual enthusiasm will likely actually prevent that from happening.  Interest is all in the mind and his mind is going to want to know he's a man and make you sexually and intimately happy.

I wish you and your partner all the best!  xx

User
Posted 20 Nov 2020 at 20:27
I know I have posted this many times but worth looking up Alathays; despite extensive mets and being a guineau pig for most if not all of the newer hormone treatments that we all now take for granted, he never lost his libido. Right up until shortly before he died, he was still joyously active sexually.

It is important though not to intimate that men who lose their libido on HT and / or develop ED are somehow just not trying hard enough. For many men, being at or below castrate level doesn't just lower their libido a bit; it makes any thought of sexual activity seem quite ridiculous or even repulsive.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 20 Nov 2020 at 21:03

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
For many men, being at or below castrate level doesn't just lower their libido a bit; it makes any thought of sexual activity seem quite ridiculous or even repulsive.

Likely true.  But it can't end there.  Their partner is in this too and her happiness in all respects is so important.  If the man feels that he is less enjoyable for his partner, there needs to be a (often difficult) conversation between to two of them.  I know because I've had it with my wife.  Opening their marriage might actually be the answer for both partners.

User
Posted 13 Apr 2021 at 20:22

Thought it would be good to update you all in this super positive thread! I've updated my profile too if anybody wants to read it.

We are on the heavy stuff now!! Eg CAB! Combined Androgen Blockade frontloaded for hopefully increased overall survival. Most interesting though is that we have continued to have date nights every 2 weeks or so and with Cialis 20mg he still gets an almost (but not quite) functioning erection. We have had penetrative sex using the pump and he has orgasms about 50% of the time from all types of stimulation. They are really great and intense when they happen...but more elusive...its harder to stay focused and in the zone...All very understandable to most women at many points in their lives๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Considering he is now 2 months into CAB and 6 months into ADT generally, he is just so thrilled to be "gaming the system" as he calls it! He maintains it's all about frame of mind and where there is a will there is a way. I imagine so much of this is down to complete trust and understanding between us (yay me!!) and the fact that there is no blame or recriminations ever. Sadly that doesn't seem to be the case for a lot of guys which is very difficult.

He apologised for not coming last week and I said that if I had apologised (and we felt like we had failed) everytime I didnt come over the years, where would we be! (I'm not one of the lucky ones physically set up to make it happen easily!!)  I suggested that if he doesn't come we should think of it as being more on me, and since I certainly came thanks to his ministrations, he should be completely pleased with himself. And funnily enough he was...especially the next morning when he did come! I don't know if he realises that I am just so grateful he hasnt withdrawn or pushed me away ...that even kisses are enough for me to feel loved. Even a hint of an erection is a massive bonus and enough to convince me that he must still fancy the pants off me after 30 plus years together๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ Its so funny how you reset your expectations.

We usually both have a few drinks on date nights (I never drink at all normally so I'm a cheap date) because it helps us focus and lose ourselves more. I wish a certain thing you could smoke was legal here because a puff or two definitely helps focus the mind but we can't grow any in case our kids would cop....and we are not about to go looking for it cos they would definitely find out ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ 

I live with a constant underlying fear of being left on my own and I'm sure he has his fears too...but strangely since we were told last October that this was it now...living with cancer for however long we got (which considering we could have over 40 years of life left given our age definitely wont be enough)  we have both been happier than ever day to day. It's like the world and our lives are placed in sharper focus. 

Thanks Albertacam for your positivity. It certainly helped us! And I have made a good friend here over the years who is also still making love to his wife despite being on HT. While we are still both well (thankfully my husband still has had no symptoms other than from treatment) It often doesn't have to be over even if it isn't what it once was. 

 

 

 

User
Posted 14 Apr 2021 at 00:27

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
I have made a good friend here over the years who is also still making love to his wife despite being on HT. While we are still both well (thankfully my husband still has had no symptoms other than from treatment) It often doesn't have to be over even if it isn't what it once was.

Hi again Misty,

A great post that I trust will inspire others to keep intimacy alive.  I can be done with active, nurturing women in the men's lives.  Even if it isn't what it once was, it can be great! And so key to a healthy marriage.

BTW:  I live in Canada where pot is legal.  Every bit helps.  :)

Cam xx

User
Posted 14 Apr 2021 at 08:20

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

We have had penetrative sex using the pump and he has orgasms about 50% of the time from all types of stimulation. They are really great and intense when they happen...but more elusive...its harder to stay focused and in the zone...All very understandable to most women at many points in their lives๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Considering he is now 2 months into CAB and 6 months into ADT generally, he is just so thrilled to be "gaming the system" as he calls it! He maintains it's all about frame of mind and where there is a will there is a way.

Ah, Misty, you and your husband really show us the way! Thank you for continuing to share. What you say about the new (for men) challenges of staying focused in the zone is so true. It IS new for many of us, and yes we can learn a lot from women about this. I have to say I feel like my whole sexual response is more like you describe these days. And there is nothing wrong with that - just hard to get used to ๐Ÿ˜

* The most stimulating spots are elusive and move around more than they used to

* My libido comes and goes where it used to be "always on"

* I need way more physical attention to my body these days, where previously my wife and I could focus most of our attention on her body

* Orgasms approach and then fade away without coming in a way that never happened before

I am just grateful for all the loving touch and laughter as we navigate all this, and for the occasions when all the planets align and either or both of us do come.

User
Posted 14 Apr 2021 at 09:56

Albertacam, Misty, Mish58 -

I agree with all you say. Personally I/we have moved on from trying to recover previous levels of functionality and rather look to exceed them within the new enforced physical framework. I now dont regret having PCa has it has opened up many new perspectives. 

- I have experienced adult life without the overriding influence of testosterone. Temporarily at least at this stage. But it does provide an interesting viewpoint of the world around and its obsessions.

- Due to treatment induced ED and shrinkage I have been able to experiment and experience orgasms separated from erections. And yes it is more like what I believe a female orgasm is like and many times is a significantly more satisfying experience. I now believe that the standard combination of erection and ejaculation limits most men to a 2nd rate orgasm experience.

- I have traversed the ADT process and gone from formerly daily intercourse to complete disinterest, to being unmoved by a naked wife, to finding kissing her to be like kissing ones mother. Then with the return of testosterone to experiencing returning desire and lust and finding a new appreciation of her as a wife and partner.

While I acknowledge the devastating and ongoing impact of this disease on both our lives and relationship it hasn't been a complete disaster and it can uncover some positive opportunities for personal growth if you can recognise them.

Cheers

John

User
Posted 14 Apr 2021 at 13:21
Thanks Misty , awesome post !!!

Yes Iโ€™m now 3 months into injectable HT and itโ€™s way less as bad as I thought it was going to be. Reduced but very present libido. Still find wife very attractive ( and ladies in general ). Erectile function unaltered but slight shrinkage and especially to testicles , but penetration still easy with ring. Yep , as others say itโ€™s the orgasm thing !! Mostly I donโ€™t come but have mini โ€˜wavesโ€™ which are still great , and I just know when to stop and smile and hug and not make it a big deal. Still once a week I reckon. So glad Iโ€™m more chilled and have a superb wife

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

User
Posted 14 Apr 2021 at 13:29

Thanks so much Chris - it wonderful to hear you and a few others reporting that we don't have to lose our libido when we have hormone treatment. Yay!

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
Thanks Misty , awesome post !!!
Mostly I don’t come but have mini ‘waves’ which are still great , and I just know when to stop and smile and hug and not make it a big deal. 

I am also getting over the need to have orgasms the way I did as a young man. I am thrilled to hear you are making this shift with such a positive attitude. I have been (both mourning and) celebrating this recently with my wife. Like you said, if we are mindful, those waves of energy are quite profound and make the specifics of orgasm less relevant. I experience it as love and energy circulation through both of our bodies and it is exquisite.

Like others have said, this cancer is an opportunity to be flexible (literally and figuratively ๐Ÿ˜—)and experience new ways of making love. It has been a huge liberation for both of us that either one can "know when to stop and smile and hug" as you say, and enjoy the huge joy of making love with each other without being attached to a specific orgasmic outcome.

User
Posted 14 Apr 2021 at 15:19

So envious Albertacam! All my cool art college friends (I went back as a mature student) have grown up and had babies so no longer indulge! Our own kids are now at the age where if we went searching we'd be bound to come across someone they know. Given our situation as upstanding professionals in the city...the shock would be immense ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜‰

We don't tell anybody about PC because my OH is very private...but I want to go on the radio debates about legalising cannabis and shout out for the over 50, 60s and even 70s who for the last 25 to 45 years have been exemplary human beings with responsible jobs, bringing up our high achieving kids (who would never smoke anything!!). I want to shout out how WE want legalised and regulated pot to help us with our aches and pains and restless legs AND especially our sex lives!  Do you think it would swing it?? The argument I mean๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ 

User
Posted 14 Apr 2021 at 15:21

๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ Chris now everybody knows you're my friend!! 

User
Posted 14 Apr 2021 at 15:44
Nothing wrong with that dear friend. You helped me at a very specific time in my life , as I have helped you over the years. Thereโ€™s friends for you. Long may it last x

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

User
Posted 14 Apr 2021 at 21:21

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
I want to shout out how WE want legalised and regulated pot to help us with our aches and pains and restless legs AND especially our sex lives! Do you think it would swing it?

Hi Misty,

Before pot was legal here, I went the medical marijuana route.  It was so easy to get a prescription, but not from any doctor.  Find the marijuana friendly one.

PS:  I knew you meant swinging the argument.  ๐Ÿ˜‚

Cam xx

User
Posted 14 Apr 2021 at 21:54

Not an option in Ireland. Wasnt allowed at all until recently and now only allowable in the narrowest of circumstances for specific conditions. 

https://www.gov.ie/en/publication/90ece9-medical-cannabis-access-programme/

Can I ask though as a matter of interest what format medical marijuana takes? 

User
Posted 14 Apr 2021 at 22:49
To be honest Misty itโ€™s still not allowed at all in the UK but a blind eye is turned to it as long as you arenโ€™t carrying more than for yourself nor driving under the influence. Itโ€™s so available Iโ€™m sure you could find a source where even your kids wouldnโ€™t find out. And would they really be bothered โ€” my most recent one came from my own daughter !! And I have to say that after 2 tryโ€™s and and a few tryโ€™s 30 yrs ago that I hate it. Makes me feel so ill and I hate the smell a lot , so any benefits are way out of the door for me

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

User
Posted 14 Apr 2021 at 23:36
You didn't try it as a joint did you CJ? More effective in cookies or cake, I understand. I have an old colleague who has used cannabis to ease her multiple sclerosis for nearly 30 years, with the knowledge of her GP. But I don't think she has ever smoked it ๐Ÿ˜†
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 15 Apr 2021 at 00:05

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
Can I ask though as a matter of interest what format medical marijuana takes?

Hi Misty,

Yes you can ask.  I have used smoking joints and using cannabis oils (50% CBD and 50% THC) under the tongue.  To use edibles, you have to go slowly.  They are a delayed reaction and some people get way too much if they're impatient to feel something.  Smoking is an immediate hit, so you always know where you are.

A few (if any) medical cannabis subscribers will agree to edibles.

Albertacam xx

Edited by member 15 Apr 2021 at 00:06  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 15 Apr 2021 at 07:48
Iโ€™ve tried both Lyn. When my family went to America 2 yrs ago , and left me at home alone , a friend made some brownies for me. I took the recommended dose and then promptly passed out on the settee for two hours tripping lol. When I awoke I felt like a 15 yr old having been to his first party. Room spinning , nausea , the lot. The last thing on my mind would be bonking haha. Maybe Iโ€™m allergic to it ๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

User
Posted 15 Apr 2021 at 14:14

I think the problem is the potency nowdays Chris. It's not like it was 30 or 40 years ago when we would have been in college and any access you had was probably homegrown with a tiny percentage of THC...or a bit of resin that would be diluted a lot with tobacco. Sadly in America there are now problems with people who smoke too much too often because while they legalised it, it seems they didn't regulate potency. Anybody who has watched Narcos on Netflix will know how much the product has changed over the years with selective breeding. I would hate my own kids to dabble now.

We were so cautious with this stuff...a sniff of it would nearly knock you out before you'd even light it. We used a small fingernail worth between two of us each time we smoked it in the little pipe...if you put that much into a cookie for one person you probably would be sick! That's why it lasted us so long. I'd prefer to get much less potent stuff like years ago where you could roll it and smoke away in a sociable fashion. I just wish it was legal and regulated. Legal weed for the over 50s anyone??๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜€ That would be a fun campaign ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

User
Posted 16 Apr 2021 at 00:54

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
I'd prefer to get much less potent stuff like years ago where you could roll it and smoke away in a sociable fashion.

Hi Misty, 

It's time to take a trip to Canada (after Covid, of course)!  When you visit a cannabis shop here, the servers will talk to through what you want and how to use it.  They all have several kinds of Cannabis with a variety of strengths.  They want you to have a good time and not to get in over your head.  You want to have great sex and be buzzed but totally functional, they can help.  :)

Albertacam

User
Posted 16 Apr 2021 at 13:30

Sounds great! Pity we are at that super expensive time of kids in college or about to be!! 

User
Posted 04 Jul 2021 at 13:31

Amazing story, its good to have a very supportive and loving wife also one you can share your inner most feelings with. Even after drifting apart and  coming back together at the end by talking to one another and being honest gives you both a bright future

 

 
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