I'm interested in conversations about and I want to talk about
Know exactly what you want?
Show search

Notification

Error

Null

User
Posted 10 Dec 2020 at 14:52

Edit

Edited by member 12 Feb 2021 at 07:48  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 10 Dec 2020 at 15:28

Hi,

There have been other discussions on this subject.  Most comments favour keeping family and friends aware.  Many because they think it makes people more Prostate Cancer aware.  Many because the family feel it and want to be involved.

I have no close family but I chose to tell no-one and it wasn't hard to conceal my biopsy and being away a couple of days for the operation.  As you say having a template biopsy might be something that you can't conceal.  Although you haven't got a date and he might have returned to university.

If you feel you should tell him soon then perhaps you should sit him down and have a talk where you're prepared with the information and likely outcomes.  Also you might refer him to perhaps this website for information rather than more hysterical sources.   I recall being advised to avoid tabloid newspapers and American websites for finding information, things like that might be of use.

I wasn't sure why I should avoid American websites as some of them are very good.  Although some are looking for business and offer things that aren't available or recommended here.   It was tabloid newspapers that gave me one of my biggest scares during diagnosis so I could understand that.

I'm sure someone with more direct experience will reply.  Regards Peter

User
Posted 10 Dec 2020 at 15:57

I had a similar diagnosis and my youngest was 17 at the time.

I just explained briefly what was going on and the fact that it was perfectly treatable. They were content with that.

I just kept them updated from time to time after that 

User
Posted 10 Dec 2020 at 16:01
If you can’t hide it from him and he is a man at 18 , then I think you need to tell him on the basis that you don’t have the full facts , and that it is normally very treatable , and you certainly aren’t done for any time soon. Still difficult yes , but a needed chat. If your op isn’t till after Xmas then maybe save it till after Boxing Day so as not to ruin Xmas ?

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

User
Posted 10 Dec 2020 at 18:22

I think be totally open with your son he is 18 and I have never believed that holding back helps anyone in the long run.  I have two sons and have a very good open relationship with both of them. I just explained what had been diagnosed and talked about what route I was taking for treatment and that this was one of the most curable cancers around.   Also I've said when they are 40 it would be prudent to go and get checked (my urologist recommended this as he said it would then give a good indication at that age of the level of PSA)

 

I'm sure if you talk to him then he is more likley to share things that might be bothering him now or in the future and as hard as it is there is nothing you can do to change anything .

 

Good luck!

User
Posted 10 Dec 2020 at 19:29
Yep, I agree with all of the above. At 18, you may be surprised to find that he knows more about prostates than you do - many schools teach about male cancers especially testicular and prostate cancer, a lot of unis run info sessions or info campaigns as well. Also, still being young he has an opportunity to make small changes to his lifestyle now that could reduce his risk of problems in the future.

John was 50 at diagnosis, I was 44 and we have 4 children - our son had just gone to university in the Sept and J was diagnosed at Christmas. After a bit of panic and worry, everyone settled back into normal and I suspect that none of them ever give a thought to the fact that their dad has had cancer. To add a bit of context, both grandad had PCa at the time, both grandmothers had died of cancer and we have a genetic brain tumour thing going on as well. He may take it more in his stride than you expect

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 10 Dec 2020 at 19:46
Just tell him. You have cancer. It’s curable. You’re being treated. Simple as that. Localised prostate cancer isn’t a death sentence.

Chris

Show Most Thanked Posts
User
Posted 10 Dec 2020 at 15:28

Hi,

There have been other discussions on this subject.  Most comments favour keeping family and friends aware.  Many because they think it makes people more Prostate Cancer aware.  Many because the family feel it and want to be involved.

I have no close family but I chose to tell no-one and it wasn't hard to conceal my biopsy and being away a couple of days for the operation.  As you say having a template biopsy might be something that you can't conceal.  Although you haven't got a date and he might have returned to university.

If you feel you should tell him soon then perhaps you should sit him down and have a talk where you're prepared with the information and likely outcomes.  Also you might refer him to perhaps this website for information rather than more hysterical sources.   I recall being advised to avoid tabloid newspapers and American websites for finding information, things like that might be of use.

I wasn't sure why I should avoid American websites as some of them are very good.  Although some are looking for business and offer things that aren't available or recommended here.   It was tabloid newspapers that gave me one of my biggest scares during diagnosis so I could understand that.

I'm sure someone with more direct experience will reply.  Regards Peter

User
Posted 10 Dec 2020 at 15:57

I had a similar diagnosis and my youngest was 17 at the time.

I just explained briefly what was going on and the fact that it was perfectly treatable. They were content with that.

I just kept them updated from time to time after that 

User
Posted 10 Dec 2020 at 16:01
If you can’t hide it from him and he is a man at 18 , then I think you need to tell him on the basis that you don’t have the full facts , and that it is normally very treatable , and you certainly aren’t done for any time soon. Still difficult yes , but a needed chat. If your op isn’t till after Xmas then maybe save it till after Boxing Day so as not to ruin Xmas ?

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

User
Posted 10 Dec 2020 at 18:22

I think be totally open with your son he is 18 and I have never believed that holding back helps anyone in the long run.  I have two sons and have a very good open relationship with both of them. I just explained what had been diagnosed and talked about what route I was taking for treatment and that this was one of the most curable cancers around.   Also I've said when they are 40 it would be prudent to go and get checked (my urologist recommended this as he said it would then give a good indication at that age of the level of PSA)

 

I'm sure if you talk to him then he is more likley to share things that might be bothering him now or in the future and as hard as it is there is nothing you can do to change anything .

 

Good luck!

User
Posted 10 Dec 2020 at 19:29
Yep, I agree with all of the above. At 18, you may be surprised to find that he knows more about prostates than you do - many schools teach about male cancers especially testicular and prostate cancer, a lot of unis run info sessions or info campaigns as well. Also, still being young he has an opportunity to make small changes to his lifestyle now that could reduce his risk of problems in the future.

John was 50 at diagnosis, I was 44 and we have 4 children - our son had just gone to university in the Sept and J was diagnosed at Christmas. After a bit of panic and worry, everyone settled back into normal and I suspect that none of them ever give a thought to the fact that their dad has had cancer. To add a bit of context, both grandad had PCa at the time, both grandmothers had died of cancer and we have a genetic brain tumour thing going on as well. He may take it more in his stride than you expect

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 10 Dec 2020 at 19:46
Just tell him. You have cancer. It’s curable. You’re being treated. Simple as that. Localised prostate cancer isn’t a death sentence.

Chris

 
Forum Jump  
©2021 Prostate Cancer UK