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New Relationship. Help?

User
Posted 25 Dec 2020 at 00:53

Evening All,

I have a very dear friend with PC. There has always been an attraction between us but the timing/distance has always hindered us doing anything about it.

Since March of this year things have got more serious albeit in a phone based way. And we started making plans to be together in the future.

However, he sent me a message last week saying that he is basically too old and not enough of a man for me.

I am very upset and confused as he has always, I thought, been open and honest about his PC, ED and the after effects of his treatment. I have always been upfront about the fact that I want to be with him and that we are a team.

What I would like to know is probably an impossible answer to give but is this likely to be a loss self esteem issue? If so, how can I support him? Or should I take him at his word and walk away?  I really do not want to do the latter.

Thank you

User
Posted 25 Dec 2020 at 13:10

I think it is impossible to give you relationship advice, but I'll try. Whatever the reason he and you have different ideas about the relationship.

You imply you have two choices: get closer or walk away. I would say you have a third choice which is leave things as they are. I'd say the get closer option has to be on hold at least for the time being, so it's either walk away or leave things as they are. Which is the least worst for you? 

Dave

User
Posted 25 Dec 2020 at 14:01
Hi Evie what a lovely message and what a lovely person you are. I suspect he may have complete ED and may have lost length and girth etc through not trying to hard to fix it. On this forum there is tons of advice on pumps and medications and even injections you can try etc !

If he is on HT he may not even fancy you as such. He can’t help that. But if you really like him and want him then I’d drop him an honest letter or email etc and really show him that sex doesn’t matter and that it may evolve. Good luck

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

User
Posted 26 Dec 2020 at 11:00

Morning,

HT has not been spoken about with the medical profession yet. 

He fears everything and spends a lot of time looking back instead of ahead despite currently being fit and healthy. We all die however I feel he is fixated on this and will not live his life to the full in the mean time.

I am sorry to read that your situation isn't great however you come across as a very pragmatic man.

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User
Posted 25 Dec 2020 at 13:10

I think it is impossible to give you relationship advice, but I'll try. Whatever the reason he and you have different ideas about the relationship.

You imply you have two choices: get closer or walk away. I would say you have a third choice which is leave things as they are. I'd say the get closer option has to be on hold at least for the time being, so it's either walk away or leave things as they are. Which is the least worst for you? 

Dave

User
Posted 25 Dec 2020 at 14:01
Hi Evie what a lovely message and what a lovely person you are. I suspect he may have complete ED and may have lost length and girth etc through not trying to hard to fix it. On this forum there is tons of advice on pumps and medications and even injections you can try etc !

If he is on HT he may not even fancy you as such. He can’t help that. But if you really like him and want him then I’d drop him an honest letter or email etc and really show him that sex doesn’t matter and that it may evolve. Good luck

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

User
Posted 25 Dec 2020 at 23:05

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

You imply you have two choices: get closer or walk away. I would say you have a third choice which is leave things as they are. I'd say the get closer option has to be on hold at least for the time being, so it's either walk away or leave things as they are. Which is the least worst for you? 

 

Excellent point. I am going to try and leave things as they are.

Thank you

User
Posted 25 Dec 2020 at 23:24

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

I suspect he may have complete ED and may have lost length and girth etc through not trying to hard to fix it. 
If he is on HT he may not even fancy you as such. He can’t help that. But if you really like him and want him then I’d drop him an honest letter or email etc and really show him that sex doesn’t matter and that it may evolve. Good luck

Thank you Chris.

He doesn't have complete ED however there is some loss of, mainly, length and girth. Unfortunately, when he had his treatment the woman that he was with didn't engage with him in terms of any rehabilitation or intimate relationship. This was over 7 years ago.

We had been working "remotely" on this together with some significant improvements, with him using a pump with some toys and techniques that I have talked him through.

I have done my best to research all I can and he has, I thought, been very honest in what he believes are his "issues". I understand that he thinks that he is not the sexual being that he was before but I did not know him then. He says that he is not as sensitive as before and he is worried that he will disappoint me. 

He told me that he is too old for me (there are 10 years between us). He is terrified of the idea of HT that he believes is fast approaching (PSA 3.5 up from 2.5 9 months ago). He is convinced that he has too many issues that he doesn't think that I need in my life.

I reality, I choose him. Just the way he is, as I see the whole man.  I want to be beside him, no matter what is around the corner because none of us knows what the future holds. I know that sounds like romantic nonsense but he is special to me.

User
Posted 26 Dec 2020 at 09:05

I understand his extra reticence if he’s maybe having to start HT. Not even he knows what he will be like. I’m stuck in the same boat though happily married with a returned full sex life 6 yrs after surgery. My psa .......don’t ask. I’m just 53

Edited by member 26 Dec 2020 at 10:50  | Reason: Not specified

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

User
Posted 26 Dec 2020 at 11:00

Morning,

HT has not been spoken about with the medical profession yet. 

He fears everything and spends a lot of time looking back instead of ahead despite currently being fit and healthy. We all die however I feel he is fixated on this and will not live his life to the full in the mean time.

I am sorry to read that your situation isn't great however you come across as a very pragmatic man.

 
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