It's easy to understand your concerns.
I once thought I'd had very slow treatment for a skin cancer. Although it later turned out that NICE guidelines were that cases like mine weren't to be treated as urgent. Although at that time, 2008, they'd stretched non-urgent to 12 months which seemed a bit much. That doctor is still there and I'm a bit suspicious of him after all those years.
Likewise there are doctors who fear being blamed for over treatment of Prostate Cancer. Some people get annoyed when they're asked to have biopsies which sometimes don't go to plan or put someone in a lifetime of worry when actually it would have just lain dormant.
Your slow rising psa could be like that. Although at 4.5 I'd have thought a biopsy would be called for. Waiting years for it to rise to 6, then in the last 6 months to 8 seems rather questionable. Also the hardness could be more pronounced now than it was then. With your father having had it could have rung some alarm bells.
As for the pains, I had those in my hips starting during diagnosis and the medics all said it was a sports injury. It didn't convince me though. After my op the psa remained undetectable so my GP and the clinic doctor said if I'd had bone spread it would have shown by now. It took a long time to convince me it was arthritis.
I'm just saying the above as an example of how your mind can start playing tricks while you're being diagnosed. It's a stressful time. The day before my op I woke up with my jaw semi-locked and jarring when I ate my breakfast. If there is someone living with that affliction permanently then they seriously have my pity. In all my life I hadn't known anything like that which I put down to sleeping differently due to anxiety of some form.
Get your bone scan done and the biopsy results and let's hope you're offered a full range of treatments. All the best, Peter