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Can't believe I'm actually asking this - Sex toys ??

User
Posted 18 May 2021 at 16:30

Hi,

As I have said in the title can't actually believe I'm posting this on a forum , but here goes 🙂

12 weeks post surgery and ED is a very real thing. Absolutely nothing going on erection wise not even a twinge.

Daily training with the pump and on 5mg Tadalafil daily. I'm 51 and have never suffered with it before and have always had a very active sex life with my wife of 30 years. Full intercourse was never a big part of our sex life, only taking place maybe 1 in 10 times as we both tended to achieve much more satisfy climax through other means, so the lack of erections isn't necessarily a huge problem.

Currently I can still (thankfully) achieve orgasm, they are different but in a very good way, however it takes much longer and isn't as easily achieved as before. It's been fun trying things out and i don't see it becoming a problem as my wife is very understanding but I'm thinking of suggesting we experiment with a vibrator/sex toy of some sort just to add another dimension the current situation, one we could use on each other, one not to intimidating or phallus like, one with a massage function maybe???

Never bought or used one before so looking for suggestions please.

 

Thanks

User
Posted 18 May 2021 at 18:31
Good post. You’re doing all the right things. The pump needs to be your best friend even if just for exercise regularly. You WILL lose length over time as things settle but the pump can keep this to a minimum. Please be fully aware, even with Tadalafil, that it can take up to 2 1/2 yrs before normal erections occur at the right time. Please check the Lovehoney website out and buy their basics soft penis rings set £10. They can honestly massively help a semi turn into something useful , and they not super tight like the pump rings. As for vibrators I’ve never been able to come using one as they make me numb quicker than I can come. But if you check the website they do very attractive sleek palm-sized ones that can be used on both sexes and aren’t a big schlong like you say.

Sounds mentally that you in a good place and you can conquer this. Be a patient patient :-))

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

User
Posted 18 May 2021 at 19:21

I once went to the Munich Beer Festival, and I visited Beate Uhse’s sex shop where I purchased ‘Doc Johnson’s Pulsating Cock Ring and Vibro Egg’.

We only ever used it once as Her Loveliness said it felt like she was sitting on a food mixer...

I used it afterwards as a party piece when we had guests round, I would put them on my mahogany bar and we all laughed when the sex toys vibrated all over it.

Cheers, John.

Edited by member 18 May 2021 at 19:58  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 22 May 2021 at 06:54

I mention sex toys briefly in my Surviving Hormone Therapy sessions, and sometimes someone asks more detailed questions which generates a deeper dive in to them. At one recent session, I invited a psychosexual therapist to join me and she brought several along.

At the simple end, you have plain cock rings, but they probably aren't going to be of interest if you can't get an erection (although very useful to make weak erections firmer). Vibrating cock rings would be the next thing up from that, and these are rings with one or two captive miniature "bullet" vibrators. A problem might be the rings would be too big to stay on a flaccid penis.

There are vast numbers of vibrators which are of dildo/penis/wand form, which can be used against the penis, and for some people, are also erotic used in other areas. Wands can have attachments, including penis tubes. Larger surface flat attachments are sometimes called massagers.

There are also products which are male masturbators, and some of these will work with a flaccid penis, such as the Guybrator. That has some remote control models, so you could have your partner control it. (This is an area known as teledildonics, although that's more often used to refer to controlling a vibrator across the Internet which the Guybrator can't do.) It also has Duo models with an additional separately controlled clit vibrator, although the whole thing vibrates so much I don't know how effective separate control of the two components is. It's not quiet - I'm sure you could hear it in a neighbouring bedroom!

Not all guys enjoy vibrators. In some cases, they can induce numbing before you get to orgasm which then makes orgasm unlikely, or tissue swelling in an effort to get enough vibration to be sufficiently arousing, which is probably not good for you. Getting mentally aroused as well will help, rather than relying just on the vibrator. I never found the bullet vibrators powerful enough to achieve orgasm, but some men do.

Like many things, you'll have to try them for yourself. There are a wide range, and it might very well be that whatever you try first isn't effective, but something else might be.

You might also find combining them with an erection produced by a pump and constriction ring is worth a try, even if you might have dismissed using the pump for penetrative sex.

Whatever you do, have fun experimenting...

Edited by member 22 May 2021 at 09:37  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 30 May 2021 at 17:37

@phillip smith, I feel like a kindred spirit. My wife and I were sure we were way beyond the need for erections or even reliance on penetrative sex, but when my erections disappeared after treatment, we both missed them. We have learned so much about new kinds of intimacy!

There are no coincidences that I saw your question today - just this morning we tried out a sex toy I initially bought to aid in solo penile rehabilitation.  What surprised me about it is how nice the deep rumbly vibrations are. Previously I had tried one or two cheap sex toys that buzzed like mosquitoes and both my wife and I tossed them out after one try.

This nice rumbly one - like a V8 engine - is called a Manta. This morning it worked for both of us, kind of turned my soft-on into a vibrator for her and me. It is styled as a male masturbator, but it can also nestle in a position between my legs and wrapped around the base of my penis while the two of us are connecting. Like I said, it creates very pleasant rumbly vibrations that spread through both of us. It brought new pleasure into our sex play without taking over from natural touch and love making.

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User
Posted 18 May 2021 at 18:31
Good post. You’re doing all the right things. The pump needs to be your best friend even if just for exercise regularly. You WILL lose length over time as things settle but the pump can keep this to a minimum. Please be fully aware, even with Tadalafil, that it can take up to 2 1/2 yrs before normal erections occur at the right time. Please check the Lovehoney website out and buy their basics soft penis rings set £10. They can honestly massively help a semi turn into something useful , and they not super tight like the pump rings. As for vibrators I’ve never been able to come using one as they make me numb quicker than I can come. But if you check the website they do very attractive sleek palm-sized ones that can be used on both sexes and aren’t a big schlong like you say.

Sounds mentally that you in a good place and you can conquer this. Be a patient patient :-))

If life gives you lemons , then make lemonade

User
Posted 18 May 2021 at 19:21

I once went to the Munich Beer Festival, and I visited Beate Uhse’s sex shop where I purchased ‘Doc Johnson’s Pulsating Cock Ring and Vibro Egg’.

We only ever used it once as Her Loveliness said it felt like she was sitting on a food mixer...

I used it afterwards as a party piece when we had guests round, I would put them on my mahogany bar and we all laughed when the sex toys vibrated all over it.

Cheers, John.

Edited by member 18 May 2021 at 19:58  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 21 May 2021 at 13:57

It sounds like you have nothing to lose and everything to gain so I'd buy what you like if I were you.  Don't leave it too late like I did - I was so scared the cancer might return, we had no sex for 3 years and now that I'm off the hormone treatment and things have returned to normal, the other half isn't interested anymore and my foreskin has tightened so much so that I can't retract it making any orgasm a long time to achieve.

User
Posted 22 May 2021 at 06:54

I mention sex toys briefly in my Surviving Hormone Therapy sessions, and sometimes someone asks more detailed questions which generates a deeper dive in to them. At one recent session, I invited a psychosexual therapist to join me and she brought several along.

At the simple end, you have plain cock rings, but they probably aren't going to be of interest if you can't get an erection (although very useful to make weak erections firmer). Vibrating cock rings would be the next thing up from that, and these are rings with one or two captive miniature "bullet" vibrators. A problem might be the rings would be too big to stay on a flaccid penis.

There are vast numbers of vibrators which are of dildo/penis/wand form, which can be used against the penis, and for some people, are also erotic used in other areas. Wands can have attachments, including penis tubes. Larger surface flat attachments are sometimes called massagers.

There are also products which are male masturbators, and some of these will work with a flaccid penis, such as the Guybrator. That has some remote control models, so you could have your partner control it. (This is an area known as teledildonics, although that's more often used to refer to controlling a vibrator across the Internet which the Guybrator can't do.) It also has Duo models with an additional separately controlled clit vibrator, although the whole thing vibrates so much I don't know how effective separate control of the two components is. It's not quiet - I'm sure you could hear it in a neighbouring bedroom!

Not all guys enjoy vibrators. In some cases, they can induce numbing before you get to orgasm which then makes orgasm unlikely, or tissue swelling in an effort to get enough vibration to be sufficiently arousing, which is probably not good for you. Getting mentally aroused as well will help, rather than relying just on the vibrator. I never found the bullet vibrators powerful enough to achieve orgasm, but some men do.

Like many things, you'll have to try them for yourself. There are a wide range, and it might very well be that whatever you try first isn't effective, but something else might be.

You might also find combining them with an erection produced by a pump and constriction ring is worth a try, even if you might have dismissed using the pump for penetrative sex.

Whatever you do, have fun experimenting...

Edited by member 22 May 2021 at 09:37  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 30 May 2021 at 17:37

@phillip smith, I feel like a kindred spirit. My wife and I were sure we were way beyond the need for erections or even reliance on penetrative sex, but when my erections disappeared after treatment, we both missed them. We have learned so much about new kinds of intimacy!

There are no coincidences that I saw your question today - just this morning we tried out a sex toy I initially bought to aid in solo penile rehabilitation.  What surprised me about it is how nice the deep rumbly vibrations are. Previously I had tried one or two cheap sex toys that buzzed like mosquitoes and both my wife and I tossed them out after one try.

This nice rumbly one - like a V8 engine - is called a Manta. This morning it worked for both of us, kind of turned my soft-on into a vibrator for her and me. It is styled as a male masturbator, but it can also nestle in a position between my legs and wrapped around the base of my penis while the two of us are connecting. Like I said, it creates very pleasant rumbly vibrations that spread through both of us. It brought new pleasure into our sex play without taking over from natural touch and love making.

User
Posted 31 May 2021 at 13:04

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
What surprised me about it is how nice the deep rumbly vibrations are. Previously I had tried one or two cheap sex toys that buzzed like mosquitoes and both my wife and I tossed them out after one try.

I think that exactly matches my experience - that may be why the little bullets (mosquitoes as you called them) didn't work for me, whereas the Guybrator does. However, I'm not really a vibrator person, perhaps because I'm lucky enough to be still able to get natural erections throughout hormone therapy.

User
Posted 31 May 2021 at 13:15

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

I'm lucky enough to be still able to get natural erections throughout hormone therapy.

Andy you are a medical marvel! I thought that hormone therapy killed both libido and erectile function. So glad to hear your good news!

User
Posted 31 May 2021 at 14:33

It sure dumbs down libido, although not necessarily completely.

About 20% of men on hormone therapy can still get natural erections (with PDE 5 inhibitors in some cases). This number can be increased with some advice, but no one knows what the increase is because that's not been researched. (However, this figure reduces to only around 5% able to have penetrative sex while on hormone therapy.) After attending his lecture, I had a conversation with a consultant who is expert in this field a few months ago and publishes many papers on it. As some of you may know, I talk about this in Surviving Hormone Therapy sessions and I took the opportunity to ask him some questions about it and he was incredibly helpful. He was also very encouraging of me covering this and penile rehabilitation (or penile exercise as he calls it) in my sessions, and regards it as a big missing part of most prostate cancer treatment pathways. He sees men who have finished treatment, only to find that once libido returns, nothing works because they weren't told they must use it or lose it.

I've always had a strong sex drive. I had wondered if this helps with preserving erections, but I have no idea if there's any correlation. I also doubted that testosterone was required for erections, and that it was an indirect effect of loss of libido that did for erections. The consultant above thinks it's a case of some men having much more sensitive testosterone receptors which can still generate a sexual response at the very low testosterone levels resulting from hormone therapy. There is an old research paper suggesting this could be due to polymorphism of the related androgen receptors, meaning the testosterone level they are sensitive to varies considerably between different men.

There is a growing recognition that this is an under researched area. There is a project at University of Liverpool which is asking for patient experiences of sexual dysfunction following external beam radiotherapy and I would encourage anyone who's had EBRT to do this. The closing date is midnight tonight:

https://www.surveymonkey.co.uk/r/WC9QZJH

I am helping with a different research project which is covering this area too, and will have a survey to complete. These research groups do have difficulty getting a good number of responses to their surveys, which is a shame considering how import an issue it is to many patients.

User
Posted 13 Jul 2021 at 18:57

I have been absent from this forum for a while. This is an interesting discussion.

Most vibrators are just that, they are vibrators. Some of them are 'pneumatic drills' and some hardly produce vibrations! And some which go by the name of Wands are suitable for elephants.

My wife and I have been using a 'vibrator' which is not a vibrator but it is an oscillator. There is a subtle difference: the vibrator motion is "up and down" whereas the oscillator motion is side to side. If you think about penetrative sex or manual stimulation the movement of the penis or your finger is  not"vibrating", it is "oscillating".

The 'vibrator' called Eroscillator which is not cheap but it is the only vibrator endorsed by the famous American sexologist Dr Ruth (eu.eroscillator.com). It is mains operated with three setting and a long cord (ideally for hotel bedrooms!) and comes with many attachment. Aesthetically or ergonomically it is not a good design; you can't have everything.

It is also  relatively quiet.

My wife uses it when we make love in the "spooning position" or when we are lying facing each other. We have been using it for over ten years now.

Amazon stocks them and the price depends on number of attachments with it.

 
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