My 33 Days with Cancer
Day 9
Ok day 9 and I can honestly say its feeling like Groundhog Day and becoming very monotonous. Problem is now that I am on this train there is no getting off although I would dearly love to.
I have had a bad, and seriously emotional morning this morning. Waiting in ‘the line’ I started talking to a young woman sat by herself looking at her phone. “Waiting for someone to come out” I asked. No, she said, “I’m in next” What!! I really didn’t expect that coming from such a beautiful, young woman when the majority of people I come across ‘in the line’ are elderly. Curiosity got the better of me, why? “I have cervical cancer” she replied. She is 34 and her name is Jenny.
Her mother joined us with her coffee. Now Jenny like nearly everyone else I meet around here is more than willing to discuss why they are having treatment. She has had her cervix removed but the cancer has spread into other parts of her young body. She is a lovely outgoing person and I instantly liked her she tells me that she has a 4-year-old child at home oh and not forgetting her new recently born twins. Jenny has 2 weeks left of an extensive course of treatment. The main problem for her is the fatigue. She is finding that basically all she can do is sit on the settee all day she has it that bad. As Jenny shares her story you can tell looking into her eyes that she is frightened, frightened of what the future might hold.
This affected me if I am honest as I cannot imagine what she must be going through mentally as well as physically at such a young age with such young children. I admit to ‘having a moment’ when I got back to the car.
A clear message here to all women putting off having a test, thinking you will be ok because it always happens to someone else doesn’t it?..... Go get tested!
I think for anyone contracting Cancer the problem is (generally speaking) there is no quick fix you can be living with it for months maybe years before you know whether the treatment you have undergone has been successful. As I mentioned previously, I won’t know until 11th January so it’s vital that you keep your head right otherwise, I can imagine the whole process could become a nightmare for you especially if you let your mind run wild in imagining what might happen. Personally, I have trained myself not to think about it as there is no point worrying about what ‘may or may not happen’ I can imagine it would only serve to drive you mad although I admit it’s not easy, I have had my moments.
However, it is ‘pretty fkn difficult’ not to think about it when you’re having to get up to go to the toilet literally 6 times in a night every night over the last three nights for a pee. Anyone with Prostate cancer will tell you that it really messes with your ‘Willy function’ and over the last three days this has got worse, much worse!
“Your drinking enough aren’t ya” asked nurse Rachet. They advise you to drink loads but at first, they didn’t explain why, it’s to help stop infection when your immune system is struggling to keep up with the damage done by the Radiotherapy and they don’t want stale urine sitting in your bladder, so you need to constantly flush it out. So, you drink a lot and then pee even more…a vicious circle. Needless to say, I can never make it home now without a stop at one of my pee stops, and guess what? more bad news, my mate Shaun’s gone missing. However suppose I can finish with some good news, at least I am not a sheep!
How am I feeling?
Ok well having to increase to 1.5 / 10 today because of the toilet problems I am having otherwise much the same apart from a dull continuous ache in my lower left groin area.
NB: I have changed the names of all the people I meet in my blogs.
#prostatecancer
My 33 days with cancer
Day 10
I can honestly say that my Willy has never been’ tugged’ so much in its life, which would under normal circumstance be a good thing. It’s in constant use now overlooking the abyss of the toilet. He must be wondering what the hell is going on, on Monday he looked up at me with his sad eye as if to say wtf’s going on here then. I understood the look instantly, we’ve always been close.
As a rule, men don’t really like to talk about their Prostate’s it’s a bit of a taboo subject within the male population but if you ask a man what’s involved in having his prostate checked believe me he knows.
That’ll be a ‘finger up the bum’ then.
Now if your doctor is a ‘little bit chubby’ with ‘BIG FAT FINGERS’ then you dropped unlucky! Because this will naturally become a little bit more of a concern for you especially if like me you are or were a virgin in that area.
Let me take you back to 2016 when all this began. I was visiting my doctor for something totally unrelated when towards the end of the appointment he asked, totally out of the blue “Do you want me to check your Prostate while you are here Peter” I immediately replied “No, I’m ok thank you”
Now I remember thinking for a minute and saying to myself, Pete if you don’t do this now you won’t be coming back for it. “Can you do it right now I asked?” “Yes, get up on the bed”
I have to say at this point that some, not all doctors will give you a choice of standing or lying down but a bit of advice for any ‘first timer’s’ here standing is ok but don’t let him go in from the front as squatting down in front of you when you have your pants down can feel a little awkward especially when he has his face in close proximity to your Willy.
I’ve seen a few different doctors in my time, and I remember one time having been escalated to see a consultant, him asking if ‘HE’ could check my Prostate I reluctantly agreed.
He was from the bend forward over the bed school, I reluctantly complied (having said that I have never heard of any man willingly complying) I closed my eyes, whilst he ‘applied gentle pressure’ from behind. Marilyn my wife was with me on this visit. When he had finished, I pulled my pants back up and sat back down with Marilyn at his desk whilst he washed his hands at the sink. “He didn’t use his finger” she whispered and laughed like a demented idiot.
I am making myself laugh now as I recount this.
“Yes, it appears to be enlarged Peter” he said, not something you want to hear. “ok we need to do a biopsy”. We all know what that means, “we will need to take six samples from your prostate via local anaesthetic”, “Can you do it now” I asked because I am certainly not coming back for that one either. “Yes, we can do it now” That news didn’t make me feel any better. Subsequently I entered a room for the said procedure and believe me I can still see it as clear as day. I was met by two very nice gentlemen, “on the bed” is a common cry you hear when you have problems with your Prostate it seems everyone wants to have a look, “lie on your side away from me and raise your legs to your chest”. I gingerly lifted my gown.
Unfortunately, as you will all have gathered by now, I have rather an inquisitive nature and made the mistake like an idiot of ‘looking around’ to see him holding the longest needle I have ever seen in my life, this was a real wtf moment. “Now I want you to relax Peter” what a stupid thing to say as liquid spurted out the top of the needle…sound’s funny now wasn’t at the time. He applied the local anaesthetic up INSIDE my bum 4/5 times. “Got to make sure it feels numb” I feel fkn numb I thought.
The next stage he inserted ‘something else’ I don’t know what because by this time I’m definitely not taking a look. He proceeds to snip off 6 samples from the prostate, I know because I could hear the distinct ‘CLICK’ every time he snipped off a piece, ‘thank God that’s over’ I thought fully expecting him to tell me to pull my pants back up but to my consternation he carried on…as you can see there have been one or two wtf moments during this process and this was yet another one. Obviously, I questioned this, “the doctor told me 6” I said, now feeling desperate “No sorry 12” he said, ffs I wasn’t prepared for that as the jaws clasped together again to take yet another chunk of flesh. But it was far from over after 9 the anaesthetic had worn off and now, I felt every one and I let him know, “I don’t want to disturb you but that fkn hurts” (I didn’t swear) He told me he could inject more anaesthetic into my prostate if I wanted him to… “carry on I said”
When finished I had to go to reception to arrange my next appointment to get the results. By this time having been first in that morning I walked out to quite a ‘number of men’ still waiting to be seen by the consultant. It’s strange but I noticed all of them were accompanied by their wives. All of them turned to look at me.
I was going to pretend to fall on the floor in agony, but the receptionist said, “I am glad you didn’t do that otherwise they would all be jumping out of the windows.” Just like in the film Porky’s I thought.
Ok I’ll carry on this story later but right now I need to stare into the abyss with my mate again.
How am I feeling today?
Bit of a dull ache again in my lower groin area, seems to be more prevalent straight after treatment has been applied and then tends to fade off as the day wears on.
Still at 1.5