Not a flicker

Hi,

I had my RALP on 08/11/19 so you're where I was two years ago.

Quite frankly I found the ED side of things really difficult and depressing so I know exactly where you are coming from. I was prescribed tadalafil rather than sildenafil, but either way, it didn't make anything happen in the early days, probably because nerve bundles suffer bruising during the operation. 

Sounds daft, and it may not be your cup of tea, but I opted for counselling. Talking helped me get my head around things and accept my situation. I found that feeling down just made things worse and was no good for my wellbeing. 

Apart from that, I think it's important to try and keep the intimacy going, even though the thought of it may not be appealing. Your Mrs, as you say, is understanding so that's a great place to be so keep trying. 

Also, it's well worth seeing an ED specialist if you can.

Good luck.

Kev.

Edited by member 27 Dec 2021 at 20:21  | Reason: Typo

Kev,

Thank you too. Counselling may well be an option, it's good to talk,  but I guess it's still early days yet.

Will keep this thread posted.

Cheers.

Penetrative sex is more of a big deal for men than it is for women. If you finish up in a position where it's no longer possible you should probably explore alternative ways of pleasing both your partner and yourself. There's plenty of options.

Jules

I wouldn't agree that seven weeks is too early to try counselling, since it helps the emotions arising from whatever is going on physically and how for example you might be able to speak with your partner about what 's happening for you, what it feels like and what you can share intimately, especially when any of this feels could easily feel quite embarrassing....   Interestingly it can bring you closer managing to share this troublesome stuff together. 

When i was first diagnosed with prostate cancer I had a real emotional reaction, was reluctant to speak to people about it (since i didn't know whether it was serious or not) and became very constipated. I was shutting down emotionally and shutting down physically. Once i could see that I needed to address the emotional side and open up about it, which i did, things started to change physically.  However i found it very difficult trying to have a conversation with the doctor or consultant about how mental health might affect physical health ! They just roll there eyes or say something like it's `just your age` or some bland unhelpful comment. I guess because it's outside their medical training.