Sorry for the situation you find yourselves in.
The protocol in many hospitals is that the clinical nurse specialists do the breaking of the bad news, because the consultants are not always particularly good at doing so. In practice, there's not a lot of point going in to detail at that meeting - after the word cancer has been mentioned, patients take in only around 18% of the rest of the consultation. What you should be able to do is to ask for another meeting to go through the questions which you've had since. This is also where it can be invaluable to join a local support group where patients who've been though all the local treatments can talk with you about their experiences.
If we knew his diagnosis, we might be able to comment on the significance of any waiting. It gives time for prehab - getting fit for the op (makes a significant benefit for recovery), getting pelvic floor toned up, etc.
In theory, you can select to have parts of the diagnosis and treatment done privately and switch back to the NHS for other things. In practice, the NHS aftercare can be difficult to get plugged back in to.
I also do wonder if you have maybe selected prostatectomy in your mind before talking with the surgeon and before talking with an oncologist? I would try to be open minded at this stage, while you learn about the pros and cons of each path, unless one is completely ruled out for some reason.