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Difficult Dad with PC

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User
Posted 24 Apr 2022 at 16:14

Hi there,

Apologies for starting a new thread. My Dad, who is 74, has recently been diagnosed with Prostate Cancer (Stage 2) and I wondered if you could provide some advice/guidance.

My Dad has also been a strong character, so being diagnosed has made him even more so which is great. However, this is now to an extent where as a family we are unable to discuss in depth, attend any meetings or really show any kind of emotion incase it disheartens his positive vibes. We have been banned from listening to phonecalls and I'm conscious that we may be missing vital information throughout his recovery process.

He has recently started HT and due to have a small OP to reduce to size of his prostate next week. From there, we will proceed with Radio Theapry. 

We understand that a long road is ahead of us, however with short odd outbursts of frustrations (for unrelated matters), I'm conscious of how to handle or manage his welfare. 

Does anyone have and advice or suggestions on dealing with this tricky North Londoner? Is there any advice on what potential situations are due to arise post Op/Radio. With HT, he has started with memory loss and tiredness, but still upbeat 

I understand this may seem like such an odd ask, considering I'm his daughter. However, we have never had cancer within our immediate family and I fear my Dad seems like his armour has been chipped. Of course, trying to understand without cause offence. 

Thanks. 

 

User
Posted 24 Apr 2022 at 20:34

That's a tricky question, people have all sorts of strange reactions to the word CANCER. He is probably trying to protect you from what he may think is impending bad news, and you and the family are trying to protect him from your feelings of worry, and because everyone is protecting everyone no one is talking.

For me at every opportunity I would make jokes about my diagnosis. It was the best way of letting people know that I was indifferent to my diagnosis, it's just a disease it needs treating and then I'll move on.

So all I can say is don't censor yourself on account of your dad, if you want to ask him any questions or say anything I would just say it. Make sure you tell him you don't want him to try and protect you. At least that gives a chance of open communication. Also don't forget, he might not want to share details of a conversation on erectile dysfunction with his daughter, or the possible effects of RT on bowel movements, so do respect that if he wants to keep things private he may have his reasons. Just make sure those reasons aren't a misguided desire to protect you.

 

Dave

User
Posted 24 Apr 2022 at 23:45

Hi Grace,

Firstly, no need for an apology for starting your own thread. You did the best thing to keep questions and answers in one place and also add to Bio as more info becomes known, so members can readily and more appropriately refer to and address your Dad's case.

Secondly, your Dad is by no means alone in the way he is dealing with his diagnosis for reasons Dave has stated among others. You will just have to be patient and understanding with him. The important thing is that he has been diagnosed and has a treatment plan which is being implemented.

As regards treatment, it looks like he may be having a TURP op which is not major like having the entire Prostate removed. He should recover from this quite quickly. Men experience different side effects and severity with HT although premature tiredness is common, as your Dad has experienced. Loss of libido and growing man boobs and or hot flushes and putting on weight are some of the others. Also some men have mood swings and may seem to be almost another person in severe cases. Although memory loss is experienced by a few, I am surprised that this would happen without a man being on HT for quite some time. Most people seem to take RT in their stride with minor side effects, although many find they have urinary urgency and increased frequency. There are different forms of RT so again some differences with side effects.

You may find it helpful to download or obtain a hard copy of the 'Tool Kit' This provides a lot of basic information about PCa and it's treatment which is available from this charity https://shop.prostatecanceruk.org//our-publications/all-publications/tool-kit?limit=100

 

 

Edited by member 24 Apr 2022 at 23:46  | Reason: to highlight link

Barry
 
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