Thank you so much for all your replies. Only trouble is they made me cry, not something I go in for usually and I have never been 100% convinced that the endomorphs help. It’s very affecting to realise how many people are out there wrestling with parallel problems and being so kind to one another. And even funny. Especially about the impact of the elephant(s) in the room which I have seen on old chat threads. Have to respect whatever way my much-loved relative is responding to being very ill, but it is so sad that it is so isolating, not just for him, but for his wife, my sister, who wants to protect family members (grown up children) by avoiding visiting the realities on them. And finds it so hard to ask for help. Stiff upper lip. Virtues, the ‘leave it to me’ approach which has made her such a brilliant mother can turn into vices according to circumstances. Elephant number two. It is very difficult for her to clock that if she must protect the family, it would not be disloyal to her husband to talk frankly to the hospicecare nurse. And how do you pace yourself?, not knowing what phase may be round the corner or when it might arrive?