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Dark Days

User
Posted 27 Oct 2022 at 17:17

Cancer

Treatment

Remission

Treatment

Uncertainty / fear of death

Breakdown

Unemployment

Loss of identity and confidence

Struggle to cope for years

Extended pressure on my wife due to my weakness and failings

Temporary break

Uncertainty / fear of loss

Dark days, dark future

 

How can one dig oneself out of such a hole and get things back and better than they were when faced with such an uphill struggle? Can one? Is it worth it?

User
Posted 27 Oct 2022 at 17:17

Cancer

Treatment

Remission

Treatment

Uncertainty / fear of death

Breakdown

Unemployment

Loss of identity and confidence

Struggle to cope for years

Extended pressure on my wife due to my weakness and failings

Temporary break

Uncertainty / fear of loss

Dark days, dark future

 

How can one dig oneself out of such a hole and get things back and better than they were when faced with such an uphill struggle? Can one? Is it worth it?

User
Posted 29 Oct 2022 at 12:32

Well Pete, I looked at this post and I thought, with my dark sense of humour and general lack of empathy anything I say can only make things worse. So here goes:

One slight positive is from your PSA posts it does look like the cancer is gone. Not that any of us pessimists (realists) believe it is gone for good, but there is no point in worrying about it until it happens (I presume your not worried about a meteorite wiping out 90% life on earth, although that is a statistical certainty, one day).

When people say they have changed their diet, lifestyle, etc. because of cancer it concerns me. I think this is some sort of sackcloth and ashes response, that you need make penance because of the disease. Penance is pointless, and on health grounds it's too late (at least for this cancer, maybe not the next one).

If you enjoy the Mediterranean diet (I like all food) then eat it because you enjoy it, if you like dairy and meat eat them, life is too short to deny the pleasures we enjoy. Personally I don't believe in the land of milk and honey so I'm grabbing it while I can. Alcohol is great, not to the extent of sitting in the bus station at midnight with a can of strongbow (other ciders are available), but certainly above a moderate level. Smoking I've never been keen on, but with about 20 years left, I'd take it up if I enjoyed it. So I think you really should get back on the cheese and wine parties. I describe myself as a hedonist, though my friends say I'm just a grumpy old man, so I now have to say, I aspire to hedonism.

Anyway good luck, do what is right for you. Remember in a hundred years time no one will remember you existed, so live life now.

My twopence worth, though it'll cost you £2 after the mini budget.

 

 

 

 

Dave

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User
Posted 27 Oct 2022 at 19:25

Sorry to read this Pete.

I’m not sure where you are upto with treatment at the moment looking at your profile. 

I know it must be so difficult as all you guys on here have been through so much. You must try to look at all the positives in your life. You have your wife who has obviously been very supportive….I’m sure she doesn’t see you as weak or a failure as I don’t with my husband. I couldn’t be more proud of him or love him anymore, but he also has his insecurities. Life has changed in some ways of course but we have tried to adapt, and every day I’m just so grateful he is here as we’ve been lucky.

The uncertainty and fear of death is very real when you get a diagnosis, but in truth none of know what the future holds. We all just have to try to make the most of all the time we have.

I mentioned on here recently that I had been occasionally seeing a counsellor since my husbands diagnosis. It has helped. We have a local cancer centre but I know Maggie’s, macmillan and PC uk over this service too. 

So yes it is worth it, keep going and stay strong and brighter days will be ahead. 

Really hope you are ok and wishing you all the very best.

 

User
Posted 27 Oct 2022 at 22:26

Hi Pete,

Writing on here is a good step.  I've seen a lot of your posts.  It's worth it and as Elaine says talking to someone about your feelings could be a good move.

I've tried cutting back on things and keeping vitamin D up but I haven't stopped them completely.

You're not alone, keep writing.  Regards Peter 

 

 

 

Edited by member 28 Oct 2022 at 14:06  | Reason: Deleted the links due to font problems.

User
Posted 27 Oct 2022 at 23:11
Pete, sorry to read your post - your pain is clear to see. Are you still seeing your counsellor? Has there been any discussion about restarting the medication? Does your GP know how low you are feeling? You know that there is no magic formula but you have climbed out of that hole before and you can do it again.
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 28 Oct 2022 at 06:30
Pete

Hope things pick up for you soon.

User
Posted 28 Oct 2022 at 07:57
Thanks for the kind words everyone.

I am in counselling and restarting medications.

I may pull through this but I doubt my marriage will. I’ve been a burden for too long.

User
Posted 28 Oct 2022 at 12:23

Keep battling Pete it's all we can do I am sure your wife understands it's not easy but we have to keep moving forward the mental aspect is as bad as the physical problem you feel it's a battle you are losing every pain you have you think the worst but our bodies are getting older too I know you can do it Pete we all have to keep positivity good luck and I am sure you will be fine 👍

User
Posted 28 Oct 2022 at 18:25

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
Thanks for the kind words everyone.

I am in counselling and restarting medications.

I may pull through this but I doubt my marriage will. I’ve been a burden for too long.

 

Apparently I was a burden for 34 years to my first wife and she made sure I knew it every day for about 20 of those!

My new wife thinks It am be the dogs bollocks, she tells me several be times a day, well ok I think that's what she said!!!

Point is yes relationships are important but there is lots of great times to be had in a new one too.. And it ain't always your fault!

 

User
Posted 29 Oct 2022 at 00:49

Hang in there Pete. You and others were a huge comfort to me in the dark days following my diagnosis. So sorry that you are feeling down. Hope you feel better soon

User
Posted 29 Oct 2022 at 10:11

PP, I’ve had my own dealings with the “darkness” of all the things you describe. I am so sorry to read that things are this bad for you just now. Seeing your counsellor and being on medication will help. Do you have others you can talk to? Hang in there my friend.

Ido4

User
Posted 29 Oct 2022 at 12:00
Thanks Ian and others - it is nice to get some positive vibes.

I have friends to talk to, which is good because I feel terribly, terribly lonely - have done for a long while. I had a rolling breakdown about three years ago due to an accumulation of awful life events which I am only just climbing out of enough to start looking for work. I didn't do it fast enough and I don't think I can recover from that lack of faith in me. Hey ho, life goes on.

User
Posted 29 Oct 2022 at 12:32

Well Pete, I looked at this post and I thought, with my dark sense of humour and general lack of empathy anything I say can only make things worse. So here goes:

One slight positive is from your PSA posts it does look like the cancer is gone. Not that any of us pessimists (realists) believe it is gone for good, but there is no point in worrying about it until it happens (I presume your not worried about a meteorite wiping out 90% life on earth, although that is a statistical certainty, one day).

When people say they have changed their diet, lifestyle, etc. because of cancer it concerns me. I think this is some sort of sackcloth and ashes response, that you need make penance because of the disease. Penance is pointless, and on health grounds it's too late (at least for this cancer, maybe not the next one).

If you enjoy the Mediterranean diet (I like all food) then eat it because you enjoy it, if you like dairy and meat eat them, life is too short to deny the pleasures we enjoy. Personally I don't believe in the land of milk and honey so I'm grabbing it while I can. Alcohol is great, not to the extent of sitting in the bus station at midnight with a can of strongbow (other ciders are available), but certainly above a moderate level. Smoking I've never been keen on, but with about 20 years left, I'd take it up if I enjoyed it. So I think you really should get back on the cheese and wine parties. I describe myself as a hedonist, though my friends say I'm just a grumpy old man, so I now have to say, I aspire to hedonism.

Anyway good luck, do what is right for you. Remember in a hundred years time no one will remember you existed, so live life now.

My twopence worth, though it'll cost you £2 after the mini budget.

 

 

 

 

Dave

User
Posted 29 Oct 2022 at 13:38
Cheers Dave

That made me laugh. Today is just a bad today. Hopefully once I am in my new world, I will pick up.

User
Posted 21 Dec 2022 at 20:50
Hi all

Quick update to all the kind folk who showed concern.

Am settled in to my new world, finally have a job lined up and am dealing with everything going on as practically as I can. The future will be what it is.

Feel pretty good actually.

Have next test in January and then onto yearly ones.

Have a great Xmas and New year, all.

Cheers,

P

User
Posted 21 Dec 2022 at 21:00

Pete, pleased to hear things are improving, you can have my first merry Xmas and a happy new year.

Thanks Chris 

User
Posted 21 Dec 2022 at 21:37
Pete this is buzzing. You can do this. I wouldn’t be so flippant as to say grit your teeth. I know all about mental anguish being bipolar 2 , but I truly believe the key is to move forward and exercise and work and to keep fit and mobile. I’m gunning for you as are everybody else.

Enjoy your Xmas and just do what makes you feel happy. When it all gets too much I just get to bed. All is safe in bed 👍

User
Posted 21 Dec 2022 at 23:15

So great to see this post Pete, really does make me smile to see how you have got through darker days. Long may this continue and best of luck with everything going forward.

Merry Christmas and all the very best for 2023 x

User
Posted 22 Dec 2022 at 00:02

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
Hi all

Quick update to all the kind folk who showed concern.

Am settled in to my new world, finally have a job lined up and am dealing with everything going on as practically as I can. The future will be what it is.

Feel pretty good actually.

Have next test in January and then onto yearly ones.

Have a great Xmas and New year, all.

Cheers,

P

👏👏👏

Happy Christmas to you too x 

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Soren Kierkegaard

User
Posted 22 Dec 2022 at 09:24

Glad to hear you are in a better place. All the best for Christmas and New Year. 

Ido4

User
Posted 22 Dec 2022 at 18:42
Great stuff Pete.....long may it continue! All the very, very best for xmas and beyond !

Cheers,

Nick

User
Posted 22 Dec 2022 at 21:33
Thanks for the kind words everyone.

Have a great Xmas and New Year, all!

P

 
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