44 single due surgery in less than 2wks

User

Posted 16 Nov 2022 at 20:37

Hi just wanted to reach out if any on the forum who fall into similar category

young(ish). 44y/o

single (not for want of trying to find a wife and partner)

family (would like kids)

diagnosed 12 months

wait and watch and procrastination of what do has lead me decide for the op as my best bet

fortunately a routine kidney stone blood test and a good gp that asked the right question and suggested I have a psa blood test knowing my family history that caught it relatively early but had already progressed such that a

gs7 & psa 5

My father was diagnosed in his early 60’s he’s in now in late 70s, but not much info was shared back then

with us understandably as i now know

I’m due Rarp surgery in under 2 weeks now sometime getting jittery thinking about it

beyond my parents/work I’ve not told anyone in 12 months ive been trying to find a good moment to tell my sister and her family but I get wound up in knots and times running out before surgery

Are there any gents with similar background who are having / or been through radical prostate surgery..

would like to get your thoughts

how have you coped .. before and after surgery / recovery etc

Also for the younger or those older single men out there post surgery as silly as it sounds at moment

how have any of you found dating with and after cancer ?? How have you approached this and thoughts on relationships and physical side of things

Thx

Mitch

User

Posted 17 Nov 2022 at 01:14

Hi Mitch,

I’m sorry I can’t help with some of your questions but I can offer a bit of info on how my husband got on with his op.

He is much older than you but have to say he has dealt with it and recovered really well. He had complete rest after surgery for about 3 weeks (apart from a few light walks) as we stayed away from home near to the hospital. He had some discomfort in the first week, he kept having regular paracetamol whether he needed them or not for that week. Also he took regular movicol and drank prune juice for the initial constipation. He coped really well with the catheter, ended up having it for 4 weeks…but took it in his stride and found his own routine…a couple of worrying moments when it seemed to block up on Christmas Day but got lots of help from this forum and all was ok. He was really good doing his pelvic exercises (he downloaded NHS squeeze app). When catheter was removed he was dry at night from the start, and during the day he had slight dribbling but never used more than one pad per day….by 6 months he was completely dry but even much before then, unless he had a lot of alcohol. He had 50% nerves spared and had ED problems straight away as to be expected. He has a pump which he rarely uses to be honest and because of other issues has never taken ED medication. We’re 11 months post op and he is now getting some erections, not amazing and doesn’t always last but it’s going in the right direction. I know it’s a different situation as of course he is married to me and it’s always been least on my priority list from his diagnosis.

This is of course just our story and everyone is different and hopefully others will come on with their stories and advice too. We feel extremely fortunate that things have gone well for us and he has an undetectable PSA.

I hope you can find the strength to tell your sister and other family and friends. It really was a weight off when we did. We have had so much support from everyone we know and it’s been nice to be open and to be able to talk about everything.

Wishing you the very best of luck. Keep us posted how you get on. Lots of people on here who will be able to help if you have any issues.

User

Posted 17 Nov 2022 at 01:42

Given you want a family, have you spoken with anyone about sperm banking?

This would need to be done before the prostatectomy.

User

Posted 17 Nov 2022 at 19:01

Hey Mitch,

Sorry you find yourself here mate, I was diagnosed at the beginning of the year aged 46 with a 3+4 Gleason and a psa of 11. It kinda blew me away a bit and I spent the first few months of the year almost obsessed, with prostate cancer. I live with a woman whose support has been pretty phenomenal to be honest and up until my operation in May, I was determined to believe that not only would the operation be successful, but also that one day, maybe even in 2 years time, I would have my erections back or with at least as good a potency as I could hope for.

I had 80% nerve sparing and the histology was pretty decent. Since then, my continence was 100% from the day the catheter was removed and 6 months on I still have had nothing close to a pre op erection.( I could have hung a wet leather jacket on him the night before!) Im not dismayed with this though, simply because the difference between those first few weeks and months and today, is marked, not stark, but marked. The blood flow is improving day by day I actually really enjoy my showers these days with soap, stimulation and determination. I know hes coming back. I believe in my heart hes coming back. He f#cking better be coming back ;)

In short, I consider myself very fortunate so far and believing that gives me confidence. Confident that things will get brighter. That by the time im 50 not only will things have returned to normal, but I will also, unlike my peers, be pissing like a teenager for the rest of my days!

Try not to remind yourself that you arent in a relationship lad. Whilst it would be beneficial, particularly at this time, Its not what defines you. You are through the worst part already, the diagnosis. Thats horrendous. If in your heart you believe that surgery is your best route forward then channel that belief into where youll be in just 2 short years time. You'll get your body back to where it needs to be and with a character that will amost certainly be more attractive to any potential partner given what youve been through.

Stay strong brother.

Jamie.

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44 single due surgery in less than 2wks

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