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User
Posted 21 Dec 2022 at 17:53

My partner has recently been diagnosed with prostate cancer. In brief he doesn't want to talk about it. And I have been bottling up my feelings.  I'm angry, upset. We are unable to talk about it together at the moment. We are on two different paths but going the same way. I not leaving him. Has anyone else experience this and how have you coped? 

User
Posted 21 Dec 2022 at 17:53

My partner has recently been diagnosed with prostate cancer. In brief he doesn't want to talk about it. And I have been bottling up my feelings.  I'm angry, upset. We are unable to talk about it together at the moment. We are on two different paths but going the same way. I not leaving him. Has anyone else experience this and how have you coped? 

User
Posted 21 Dec 2022 at 18:24

He needs your help and strength In a very difficult time he will come around to your thinking we men seem to bury our heads in the sand when faced with decisions that are out off our comfort zone once he comes to terms with it and starts on a treatment path he will see like most light at the end off the tunnel gaz 👍

User
Posted 21 Dec 2022 at 18:28

Hello Virginia,
Sorry the two of you are going through this. Sometimes it is difficult for couples to talk about it. They both have worries they don't want to share with the other one. It may also be that he is in denial at the moment, hoping it will just go away (which of course it won't). It can also make a massive dent on his masculinity and that's something many men struggle with.

You might want to consider joining the Prostate Cancer Partners' Support Group on Zoom, which is for partners only, where you may get some helpful support from other partners. Of course, you can also call the PCUK nurses 0800 074 8383.

If you can persuade him to contact a local support group, it might be initially easier for him to talk with someone else who's been through it. You look to be midway between the Bedford and the Cambridge groups. I run the Luton and Dunstable group, although that's a bit further, but he's welcome to call up for a chat (as are you).

User
Posted 21 Dec 2022 at 18:55

V, I was referred to the hospital following an unexpected PSA after a chance remark to my GP. I told my wife I was being investigated for prostate cancer and shut her out of the whole process, it was my body my problem and I would sort it out my own way. It was just my way of dealing with things. I spoke at length with a couple of guys at work who had prostate issues but not confirmed as cancer. I convinced myself that my biopsy would come back negative. I went to the biopsy and meetings on my own. My biopsy confirmed there was cancer and ashamed to admit I sent my wife a text to let her know.

I did all the scans etc on my own and my wife's first involvement was to drop me off for the surgery.

I am not proud of how I dealt with the situation but it was my way of coping and I didn't want anyone else's emotions and opinions to cloud my judgement. 

My wife has been supportive through the journey. That's how it was, would I do the same again, a big no , when I had my recurrences , we went through the process together. I probably didn't deserve it but she looked after me post  surgery and radiation treatment.

Sometimes we men need a kick up the backside, sometimes we need to get ours heads around problems. I hope you can find a resolution.

Thanks Chris 

 

User
Posted 21 Dec 2022 at 19:29

Dear Virginia

i have very recently been diagnosed with PC and I have a call with the hospital tomorrow to hear the final results following a PSMA PET scan.

I have shared this journey with my wife and she seems less worried than I do.

I think I know why

This is as much a mental struggle as it is a physical one   For a man it seems to hit out at his core , his masculinity. It is like he/ I am less somehow as a result of this awful situation. you read about the treatments and they all impact in some way on the way a man looks at himself..

I will be faced with decisions very soon and the ability to have erections and sex will be part of the thinking I go through.     
so try and get under his skin if you can but understand that it is maybe fear and base hardwired emotions that is perhaps behind his behaviour 

there are so many people on here that can help support you 

best wishes

Nigel

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User
Posted 21 Dec 2022 at 18:24

He needs your help and strength In a very difficult time he will come around to your thinking we men seem to bury our heads in the sand when faced with decisions that are out off our comfort zone once he comes to terms with it and starts on a treatment path he will see like most light at the end off the tunnel gaz 👍

User
Posted 21 Dec 2022 at 18:28

Hello Virginia,
Sorry the two of you are going through this. Sometimes it is difficult for couples to talk about it. They both have worries they don't want to share with the other one. It may also be that he is in denial at the moment, hoping it will just go away (which of course it won't). It can also make a massive dent on his masculinity and that's something many men struggle with.

You might want to consider joining the Prostate Cancer Partners' Support Group on Zoom, which is for partners only, where you may get some helpful support from other partners. Of course, you can also call the PCUK nurses 0800 074 8383.

If you can persuade him to contact a local support group, it might be initially easier for him to talk with someone else who's been through it. You look to be midway between the Bedford and the Cambridge groups. I run the Luton and Dunstable group, although that's a bit further, but he's welcome to call up for a chat (as are you).

User
Posted 21 Dec 2022 at 18:55

V, I was referred to the hospital following an unexpected PSA after a chance remark to my GP. I told my wife I was being investigated for prostate cancer and shut her out of the whole process, it was my body my problem and I would sort it out my own way. It was just my way of dealing with things. I spoke at length with a couple of guys at work who had prostate issues but not confirmed as cancer. I convinced myself that my biopsy would come back negative. I went to the biopsy and meetings on my own. My biopsy confirmed there was cancer and ashamed to admit I sent my wife a text to let her know.

I did all the scans etc on my own and my wife's first involvement was to drop me off for the surgery.

I am not proud of how I dealt with the situation but it was my way of coping and I didn't want anyone else's emotions and opinions to cloud my judgement. 

My wife has been supportive through the journey. That's how it was, would I do the same again, a big no , when I had my recurrences , we went through the process together. I probably didn't deserve it but she looked after me post  surgery and radiation treatment.

Sometimes we men need a kick up the backside, sometimes we need to get ours heads around problems. I hope you can find a resolution.

Thanks Chris 

 

User
Posted 21 Dec 2022 at 19:29

Dear Virginia

i have very recently been diagnosed with PC and I have a call with the hospital tomorrow to hear the final results following a PSMA PET scan.

I have shared this journey with my wife and she seems less worried than I do.

I think I know why

This is as much a mental struggle as it is a physical one   For a man it seems to hit out at his core , his masculinity. It is like he/ I am less somehow as a result of this awful situation. you read about the treatments and they all impact in some way on the way a man looks at himself..

I will be faced with decisions very soon and the ability to have erections and sex will be part of the thinking I go through.     
so try and get under his skin if you can but understand that it is maybe fear and base hardwired emotions that is perhaps behind his behaviour 

there are so many people on here that can help support you 

best wishes

Nigel

 
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