Originally Posted by: Online Community Member...I have been doing rehab with a pump and, when a cock ring is in place, I have a pretty hard erection and am able to have an orgasm (thank the lord!!!) I have not yet tried bringing the pump into the bedroom with the Mrs as I find the whole process might be a mood-killer. Anyone have experiences they can share?
...I cannot say I am rock hard. In fact, any attempt to penetrate my wife, pushes blood out of my penis which causes if to soften somewhat. When I pull out I get hard again. I was wondering if a cock ring, placed AFTER I initially get hard, might help? Has anyone tried this? Did you wear the ring on the shaft only or around EVERYTHING (cock and Balls)? HELP!!!
Hi there, thanks for sharing your dilemmas. Now that I am 3 years post surgery I can relate to almost every dilemma you mention! Isn't it wonderful to recover the ability to have orgasms, whether hard or not!
As for bringing the pump into the bedroom, my wife was way more relaxed about it than me. When we talked about it she pointed out that she has been used to having to do pretty awkward things in order to enjoy sex, for a long time - ranging from gynae examinations and pap smears, to inserting a diaphragm contraceptive when we were young, to needing lubricant now that her vagina is become more fragile (she is 70). So we figured out how to make the vacuum pump a bit of a sex toy or at least a necessary evil in order to have fun. Essentially, I am saying, if you are enthusiastic about making love with your wife you might find she accepts the various accoutrements you need to be able to complete the process.
On losing hardness during penetration - yes, I can confirm it happens to me too, and I have heard similar tales from lots of other prostate cancer survivors. Basically there is (and very pleasurably) lots of squeezing and pushing and pulling during vigorous intercourse, and after prostate cancer treatment most of us have very fragile erections that can, as you say, literally have the life squeezed out of them.
Yes, it definitely helps to add a cock ring after achieving erection. I got lazy and stopped wearing mine last month and paid the price. Now over the long weekend we returned to me wearing a ring (of the soft squishy type recommended above) with excellent results.
On where to put the ring - we discuss this kind of thing on the Recovering Men online global support group calls and it seems that each man is physiologically different. Some men's erections are better sustained by the "cock-and-balls" method, using a slightly bigger ring, as that applies more pressure to the upper side of the base of the penis and also some people like the way it squeezes their balls. Others (myself included) need more pressure at the lower side of the base and "just the shaft" rings work better for us. The main thing is - the unstretched ring needs to be rather small to apply enough pressure. (for more on the support group calls please see https://www.recoveringman.net/talking-prostate-cancer/ - times always UK/Europe/Africa friendly and alternate between Americas-friendly and Asia/Australia friendly).
Overall - glad to hear another prostate cancer survivor willing to experiment to be able to keep making love with his new and different body! Best wishes from South Africa.