Bye bye Lymphocele!
Well if you don't laugh, you cry!
Hospital appointment was for 8am on Friday so up at 6am (not having slept anyway), showered and checked in at 7:55am. To be met with a Senior Nurse who asked me why I was there as I wasn't scheduled for the operation until the afternoon. No wonder my blood pressure was 170/90. So they of course didn't have a room so they quickly converted a waiting room for me, which was fine except that it still said Waiting Room on the door and so for the next 7 hours, I had people walking in expecting to sit and have their coffee. The adults were quick to notice but the kids just thought it was great to see someone in a bed. Bless em.
So nurse came by to take the blood test which was fine EXCEPT she then came back 5 minutes later apologising that she needed 2 samples - so now I have a hole in each arm.
By 2pm I was so thirsty but got told nil by mouth. I wasn't expecting a general and I hadn't drunk anything since 7am so I was getting a little concerned. What exactly were they going to do?
At just after 4pm the porters came for me and off we trundled to the prep room where the nurse informed that she would be inserting the canular ready for the contrast agent - the procedure would be performed inside the CT scanner!
No biggie, I mean recently I have had so injections that they no longer worry me. After a bit of prodding and stabbing, she announces that the needle missed and she would need to try again. Go for it. 2 minutes later the needle is withdrawn and she says that she can't get the vein. I suggested the other arm (I am I stupid or what!) which she gleefully attacks at the same time as her colleague arrives, sees what is happening and announces that the back of the hand was the best place for the canular - I now have stabbing the back of my left hand and another pulling and prodding my right arm! I announce that if they have to try a 6th time then I want a present!
Left hand nurse gives up as this point - it appears that because I am dehydrated the veins are collapsing and the Doctor shows his face wondering what all the fuss is about and decides I have enough holes and plasters stuck on me that he will do the procedure without contrast. We at least HE sounded confident.
So, into the operating theatre, stretched out on the scanner bed and informed that I must remain perfectly still with my hands clasped behind my head and that it would take 30-45 minutes.
I don't know if you have ever tried this - but after 10 minutes I have lost all sensation on my right arm - not just numb - completely bloody dead - I swear they could have amputated it and I wouldn't have noticed. At one point, as they were inserting their tubes, the nurse said that I could squeeze her hand if the pain was too much - I didn't even notice she was holding my hand and I certainly could not have squeezed anything - maybe it was just a ploy!!
Procedure was successful insomuch as they removed 60ml which they have sent to the labs and installed a drain with a bag (oh joy) which collected another 110ml overnight.
Back on the ward and was told that they now had a room for me. Great! They are generally shared wards so I had a neighbour. An elderly one legged man who was deaf and kept calling the nurses for trivial things - that meant that eventually they left him waiting for 15 minutes at a time and the piercing alarm bell was switched on in the room - if I didn't have tinnitus before then I sure do now. And he groaned - constantly. An earthquake inducing groan that went on all night long. Along with the helicopter that had its landing pad right outside the window, there was no sleep that night.
Morning started at 5am in the hospital with a 6am breakfast - actually their food was pretty decent. Blood pressure was back to normal and the bag was part full which apparently was a good thing. They got me up and walking around a bit and managed to get a shower which of course soaked the wound dressings. No problem said the nurse, we will put a new one on.
Now, I wish they had told me where they were going to do the incisions BEFORE I arrived at the hospital. I would have removed my body hair in that area which would mean that nurse did not have to rip them all out when she removed the dressings. She tried slowly, quickly and then just smiled sweetly at me and ripped the whole bloody thing off - OMG - I now have a new found respect for you ladies that go for a waxing!!!
The doctor came around in the evening and I managed to hold her hostage until they gave me a Zopiclone - heaven in a tiny tablet. Went to sleep at 9pm and awoke with the 5am dawn chorus.
This morning they announced that they were going to remove the drain so I ran (hobbled) to the shower and soaked and soaked the dressing - ha, forewarned is forearmed! When she removed it it just peeled off - not that there are many hairs left there anyway :(
So now back home with my feet up. A wife who is so happy to see me and a dog that just jumped off the couch and has sprained his wrist!
Am I glad to be home? Oh yes!