One of the biggest issues that we suffer from post op, especially RP, is the ED and there are two aspects of this that affect us - the intimacy and the ability to self-pleasure.
Intimacy is something that has to be addressed by both partners and can be relatively easy, or incredibly hard, and the mechanical aspects of obtaining and maintaining an erection make it much more difficult. My wife and I can handle it mentally, we have been married for 32 years so there isn't much that we haven't dealt with but using the pump and rings was never going to work for us especially as penetration isn't something that either of us craves. I was never well endowed either and so with the loss of length from the RARP it wasn't going to be very satisfying for her.
If you were lucky enough to have had nerve sparing then there is a chance that natural erections may return at some point with tablets or injections but if, like me, nerve sparing wasn't an option then the vacuum pump and cock rings were the only option but with the loss of penile length as a result of the prostate removal, was never going to be very successful.
Working with your partner to determine what can and what cannot work should be approached with a sense of fun and amusement - we were lucky in our relationship to be able to laugh, especially at the things that didn't work. Oral sex for example is pleasurable for both of us but if you find that you release urine at the most inappropriate time it's probably a no-no. Some experimentation may be needed.
Vibrators, dildos etc have been available for the ladies for decades, in every conceivable size and shape and I imagine that most have at least tried one and may have a favourite selection. My wife has a few to choose from, some of which make me blush! However for us men, the range has been limited until recently, but what is available relies upon one important thing - they require an erection! Something that I can no longer supply.
So I started to do some research thinking that there must be something available for my FWO - my Floppy Willy Orgasm as we call it.
Remember that the nerves on the glans of the penis are not affected by prostate surgery - they work just as well - it's just the penis itself that is just all floppy. Manual masturbation is quite possible but involves holding the penis with one hand and manipulating the head with the other - perfectly possible but it's a little bit awkward.
So I came across something called a Hot Octopuss that looked ideal - it wraps around the penis with an adjustable strap and vibrates the shaft at high frequency and has a button that hits the right spot and which vibrates at a low frequency - it looked perfect until I saw the price - £120 - now I like my orgasms like the next man but that was way outside of my budget - I mean my wife spent £20 on hers and it does all sorts of weird things.
Well, being the cheapskate that I am, I managed to find one for £20 - so an order was made. I had to say that I didn't have much of an expectation for that price even though the pictures looked similar to the high priced ones.
It arrived a couple of days ago and we have had some fun trying it out which started by trying to make sense of the instructions LOL - eventually worked it out. The shaft vibrations are controllable separately to the head and each has various patterns to choose from.
It works!!
Now in my case, the loss of penile length is an issue - although I am on the vacuum pump daily, I am only at about 3.5" - sometimes less - and the device needs about 4" to strap into place - however by opening it out and holding it in place it still works. One word of warning - the default medium speed works a bit too well - like "OMG what just happened" well - we found that the pulsed one worked better and allowed the orgasm to slowly build up.
This will, I believe, become our go-to toy for me - well she has her own selection to choose from.
Steve & Partner
Edited by moderator 18 Jul 2023 at 09:57
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