Unwanted Feelings

Unwanted Feelings

User

Posted 21 Dec 2023 at 02:55

Almost seven weeks post RARP and getting feelings I don't like. First is anger. I am angry that I cannot control my urinary functions. By the time I get to the bathroom, 75% or more is already in my absorbent pants. I do my kegels and there has been no improvement for many weeks now, Frustration, I am so frustrated that internally I don't seem to be healing as quickly as I would like. There are times I cannot lay on my side at night because of pulling going in in the abdomen. Guilt, although that might be wrong. Am I paying for things I did growing up, I was far from perfect, is God angry and punishing me? Depression because some of the things that make me a man are gone and probably won't return. Embarrassed, we had a contractor out to look at the roof on our house, and I was standing talking to the guy, turned and walked away only to find out a few moments later that the back of the legs of my jeans were wet where my absorbent underwear had run out of absorbency. I am afraid to go out because even the act of standing up will pretty much empty my bladder and it feels horrible and I don't relish wetting myself in for example a restaurant. Afraid to go back to work in the office, my office is a long walk to the bathroom. Anyway, sort of venting, so down right now.

User

Posted 21 Dec 2023 at 06:44

Hi Richard.

My heart goes out to you mate. I can fully empathise with your physical and mental suffering.

Seven weeks post op I was feeling much the same as you, but very gradually started feeling a bit better. As your physical side effects improve so will your mental health.

I'm an atheist so I don't blame God, but I think most men in our predicament do say to themselves, "What the hell have I done wrong to deserve this?"

There are so many ups and downs during recovery, but you've just got to keep riding the roller coaster.

I still have mood swings, things look bright one day and I'm quite upbeat. Then the next day when things don't go well, I start to feel sorry for myself.

Stick with it mate. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

I reaped the benefits of a successful Invicorp injection yesterday. Not only did it lift my penis but more importantly it lifted my spirits. I feel like a new man. But who knows what tomorrow may bring.

Keep pushing on mate. I promise you things will get better.

Adrian

Edited by member 21 Dec 2023 at 15:37 | Reason: Typo

User

Posted 21 Dec 2023 at 12:34

Hi Richard,

Like yourself, post surgery I leaked heavily for weeks, and I do relate to your emotional response to all this.

I did see an incontinence physio which helped in terms of kegel exercises, 3 sets a day. Sipping fluids thru the day rather than downing large mugs of tea/coffee. I know it is the festive season, but alcohol for me resulted in serious leaks, as Francij says.

Leakage was always worse in the evenings when the muscles get tired.

On getting / standing up, clench the pelvic floor muscles, so my physio recommended.

Rest and be kind on yourself, your body has had major surgery and will take time to heal. Cancer just is, so Not your fault, or some crappy karma comeback.

I wish you well in your recovery. As others say, we are here for you on the forum. Thank you for sharing how you are and feel.

Edited by member 21 Dec 2023 at 14:23 | Reason: Addition

User

Posted 21 Dec 2023 at 15:01

It's still very early days regarding the incontinence but can I suggest one thing - if you can get to the loo before it starts to flow, just stand there ready and try to hold it back. Do this for as long as you are comfortable and try and feel which muscles are doing the work. Then start the pee and then try and stop it mid flow - it might take a few tries before you can.
This technique helped me a lot in the early days and now 7 months post RARP the only thing that catches me out is a cough. I am finally able to control the sneezes but coughing get's me every time LOL

User

Posted 22 Dec 2023 at 08:09

I have every sympathy with you as I went through similar earlier this year. Initially I could not hold water so to speak and was on 9/10 tena level 3 pads a day. When I returned to work after 7 weeks I was still on 4/5 pads a day and worried about leaking etc. There were times I avoided going out due to fear of accidents. Now nearly 9 months post op I am on 1 tena level 3 pad a day and about to try level 2. It no longer dominates my life. Time is a healer. What kept me going was doing the squeezes 4x a day (still) joining a support group and remembering what someone said to me at the hospital - there were guys in the waiting room who had been diagnosed too late and could not be treated their condition could only be managed. I consider myself lucky that I was identified early and had a chance of treatment and cure. Yes the side effects are a nuisance but the alternative of not being identified early and having treatment could have been worse for me and my family. Good luck I am sure things will improve

User

Posted 21 Dec 2023 at 09:29

7 weeks is too early to be too worried.

You need to treat yourself like a toddler, regular trips to the loo before you need to go. While there practice stopping mid flow, while not there regular kegels, but don't over doo them either.

No caffeine, no alcohol.

If it's no better in 2 weeks see the GP and get a referral to the incontinence clinic, that is what fixed me.

Don't forget to post all the bad things you did in your past on here so this forum can grant you absolution.

Edited by member 21 Dec 2023 at 09:30 | Reason: Not specified

User

Posted 22 Dec 2023 at 13:06

Several posts seem to have vanished.

Show Most Thanked Posts

User

Posted 21 Dec 2023 at 06:44

Hi Richard.

My heart goes out to you mate. I can fully empathise with your physical and mental suffering.

Seven weeks post op I was feeling much the same as you, but very gradually started feeling a bit better. As your physical side effects improve so will your mental health.

I'm an atheist so I don't blame God, but I think most men in our predicament do say to themselves, "What the hell have I done wrong to deserve this?"

There are so many ups and downs during recovery, but you've just got to keep riding the roller coaster.

I still have mood swings, things look bright one day and I'm quite upbeat. Then the next day when things don't go well, I start to feel sorry for myself.

Stick with it mate. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Keep pushing on mate. I promise you things will get better.

Adrian

Edited by member 21 Dec 2023 at 15:37 | Reason: Typo

User

Posted 21 Dec 2023 at 09:29

7 weeks is too early to be too worried.

You need to treat yourself like a toddler, regular trips to the loo before you need to go. While there practice stopping mid flow, while not there regular kegels, but don't over doo them either.

No caffeine, no alcohol.

If it's no better in 2 weeks see the GP and get a referral to the incontinence clinic, that is what fixed me.

Don't forget to post all the bad things you did in your past on here so this forum can grant you absolution.

Edited by member 21 Dec 2023 at 09:30 | Reason: Not specified

User

Posted 21 Dec 2023 at 12:34

Hi Richard,

Like yourself, post surgery I leaked heavily for weeks, and I do relate to your emotional response to all this.

Leakage was always worse in the evenings when the muscles get tired.

On getting / standing up, clench the pelvic floor muscles, so my physio recommended.

Rest and be kind on yourself, your body has had major surgery and will take time to heal. Cancer just is, so Not your fault, or some crappy karma comeback.

I wish you well in your recovery. As others say, we are here for you on the forum. Thank you for sharing how you are and feel.

Edited by member 21 Dec 2023 at 14:23 | Reason: Addition

User

Posted 21 Dec 2023 at 15:01

User

Posted 22 Dec 2023 at 02:31

Thanks for answering. It is nice to know I am not alone, but it is so depressing to be like this.

User

Posted 22 Dec 2023 at 08:09

User

Posted 22 Dec 2023 at 11:02

Andy,

I acknowledge your better thorough knowledge. Thanks.

User

Posted 22 Dec 2023 at 13:06

Several posts seem to have vanished.

User

Posted 22 Dec 2023 at 14:34

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

Several posts seem to have vanished.

It could be the ones where Mr Basketcase told us how naughty he was growing up… OMG I’d love to put some of my naughties on here 🤦‍♀️. I was a bit of a rascal too …

🤣

Phil

User

Posted 22 Dec 2023 at 14:51

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

I was a bit of a rascal too …

🤣

Phil

Moi aussi. Happy days.

Once, I was like a loaded cannon now, I'm like a damp squib. 😄

User

Posted 22 Dec 2023 at 14:52

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

I was a bit of a rascal too …

🤣

Phil

Moi aussi. Happy days.

Once, I was like a loaded cannon now, I'm like a damp squib. 😄

🤣🤣

User

Posted 22 Dec 2023 at 16:55

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

Several posts seem to have vanished.

Andy62, my original post cited copyrighted material in beach of site rules and was removed. I think as your reply referenced this post it then by inference got deleted as an unexpected consequence. Which is a pity as it was a concise and informative on pelvic floor exercises, highly relevant to this thread. I don't know if your text can be reposted?

p.s. tried to pm you on this but it said your message inbox was full.

User

Posted 22 Dec 2023 at 18:07

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

Andy62, my original post cited copyrighted material in beach of site rules and was removed.

Paul, you're a very naughty boy! 😁

Edited by member 22 Dec 2023 at 21:56 | Reason: Not specified

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