Angry g

Hi Gerry,

I can only speak for the many men I’ve met at Maggies who’ve had the Op, but the impression I get is you need to be patient. It’s only 2 months since your Op and there are ups and downs with it. They report that they think they are making good progress and then they have a setback. But in the end All of them have recovered continence to a level they are content with.
As for your anger, we ALL get angry at times. I think it would help you if you talked to other men in the same boat as you. Try and find a local support group and go along and talk to others, I think it would help with your anger issues, as well as giving you advice on how to help with your incontinence.

Also, Be  good to yourself and your wife, give yourself treats and do things that make you  both happy.

Good Luck!

Derek

I am about where you are right now, nine weeks post op for me. If you look on the emotional issues area, I am angry, depressed, guilty, and all the other emotions that go along with this. Just don't take it out on yourself or others. These feelings will come and go, you will have very good days and very bad days but as the guys and some gals on this support group will tell you, things will get better. As far as the incontinence is concerned, I am just starting to recover from a nasty bout of food poisoning and the diarrhea has made me very dehydrated. Oddly, I am finding relief not peeing every few seconds. As I told a friend of mine in a pub last week, one bright side is I could be peeing as I was speaking to him and he would never know (a little humor). Setting that aside, it is amazingly frustrating to not have control. I can stop the flow mid stream, but it starts up again and I cannot then stop it. Are you doing Kagel exercises, if so, download the squeezy app,it will help keep you on track. At the moment I am going through about ten pairs of Depends (adult diapers) every day, so you are not alone.

I feel for you and can only hope things get better. We are all cheering you on.

Richard

Hi Gerryb,

I'm sorry that you're having a hard time. But for most people, it does get better.  As Decho has said, you can have good days, and then have a setback.  Also, as Decho has already suggested, I would strongly recommend that you seek support from a group, if possible.  If there is no group near you, then I would suggest that you reach out to people on here as often as you need to do.  And as Adrianus has said, having the treatment is better than the alternative.  Where there's life, there's hope of improvement.

I had my prostatectomy 18 months ago.  For the first 3-6 months afterwards, my incontinence was terrible during the day - I was using about 8 pads per day.  I remember once that I cried after I had just stepped out of the shower and then immediately peed all over the bathroom floor.  It was so humiliating.  Like you, I was pretty dry when lying down at night.  My Urologist told me that the drier nights were a good sign, in that it suggested that it was a 'mechanical' problem (gravity), which should get better in time.  I was practicing the Kegel exercises 3 times per day.  The Urologist referred me to a Specialist Lower Pelvic Floor Physiotherapist.  They confirmed that I was doing the exercises correctly but that my pelvic floor muscles were very weak, so it would take time to build them up.  I then started doing Yoga and Pilates as well as the Kegel exercises.  I also try to go for a 5 mile walk most days.  I still have incontinence but now use between 2-3 pads per day, which is a lot better, but by no means perfect.  I'm still hopeful of further improvement.  I'm still learning what drinks I need to avoid (for me, it's caffeine, long drinks, carbonated drinks and most citrus fruit juices) but people vary in what triggers their bladder to empty.  Weirdly, a couple of glasses of red wine seem to settle my bladder.

I feel confident that your own incontinence will also improve with time.

Best wishes,

JedSee.