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Information from a man to a 'trying to help wife'

Posted 30 Jan 2024 at 16:16

Hi, new to the group. My husband has an enlarged prostate. Had the usual investigations and biopsy, no cancer thankfully. 

He has lost all interest in any physical contact with me. He will give me a kiss and hug before work, after work and before bed. He tells me he loves me.

I thought I had done something wrong or he'd just gone off me, he says not. He's just says he has no desire or urge for love making.

I know he has problems getting and keeping an election, since the biopsy there was very little semen when he did manage it. 

I have found out he was sending personal pictures to people he was talking too and this really hurt me badly. Why I asked him why he said it was to see if he could still do it. Anyway after a very long talk he tried explaining how it felt but couldn't,  he's not good with feelings and emotions.

What I want to know from you men is can you explain to me the feelings or changes in sensation around that area. One chap I spoke to said he just couldn't feel anything when he got an erected. 

I know my hubby would love to have sex again but just doesn't know what to do about it


Posted 30 Jan 2024 at 19:14

There are so many things that could cause this, quite possibly anxiety that he can’t perform and it sounds like he’s not prepared to talk about it. He’s lost his desire, I know what that’s like being on HT, you just have NO interest in sex. However my wife and I still HAVE a sex life because we talk to each other and have worked out a way of given each other pleasure…I call it sexual outercourse. Maybe the two of you need to go and see a counsellor?

Good Luck,


Posted 30 Jan 2024 at 19:38

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member
I have found out he was sending personal pictures to people he was talking too and this really hurt me badly.

Do you mean intimate photos of himself to other women?

Posted 30 Jan 2024 at 20:05


Thanks for the reply, hes an old fashioned guy and won't talk to anyone about it. I have suggested a Councillor but nope to that. I will try saying about other ways, it doesn't have to be full intercourse just pleasurable fun.

Posted 30 Jan 2024 at 20:07


Unfortunately yes. Massively hurt and huge argument, crying, not talking but eventually we talked about it. We are working it out

Posted 30 Jan 2024 at 20:35
Unfortunately I think you need Relationship Counselling rather than support from a prostate cancer group. So sorry for what you are going through.
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