Joy of Sex after Prostate Cancer: Tantric Sex with Orgasms

Joy of Sex after Prostate Cancer: Tantric Sex with Orgasms

I am starting this new conversation with a view to helping everyone including wives and partners of men who have been diagnosed with prostate cancer or recovering from their treatments. Early detection of this disease and a range of successful treatments available now means that most men and their wives/partners can expect to continue living a good quality life including sex for many years. Prostate cancer is a couple’s disease and we have found that with good communication, imagination, love and desire to please each other it is possible to re-establish your sex life be it different and often with unintended benefits. All you have to do is to reframe your view of what constitutes good sex under the new circumstances.

Most couples following prostate cancer diagnosis, treatments and rehabilitation find themselves in a strange world.  I remember after my prostatectomy I suffered from total ED and we realised that we had to reframe our intimate relationship, particularly sex. Sex has always been very important to us in our marriage but realised that it would never be the same again. My advice to couples in this situation is to talk to each other. Tell each other what you need. It’s amazing how well this works. You can begin from the simplest enjoyment of gentle touching and stroking each other’s naked bodies to eventually discovering what can work towards overcoming ED; we use a VED and we worked out gradually how to include it in our lovemaking. Those using injections or implants can achieve similar results.

By the very nature of this disease many wives/partners of men suffer from vaginal dryness which needs to be addressed because following prostatectomy and perhaps other treatments as well, men do not produce natural lubricant which adds to the problem. This is very easily solved. My wife had a problem of discomfort from being too dry due to menopause. Before my surgery I produced sufficient lubricant and we had no problem. My wife writes: A great discovery for us was a particular type of vaginal moisturiser called YES VM. At my age although I use Wellsprings Serenity Natural Progesterone Cream for Women (www.wellsprings-health.com), a plant-based hormone replacement cream, I was beginning to have vaginal dryness which was not fun. This amazing stuff can be found by googling www.yesyesyes.org.  I kid you not! It is organic, has no side effects and is better than KY jelly which is rather heavy. I am a really allergic and reactive type and if I can tolerate it, so will most people. Do have a look. Before our discovery of this product, we needed to use a water-based lubricant like KY Jelly for our comfort. We found this quite unsatisfactory because either he ended up using too much (for my comfort) which he found too slippery to achieve an orgasm or too little which helped him but not too comfortable for me. But the introduction of YES VM solved the problem, I could control the amount of lubricant I insert (the lubricant comes in a one-time use tube) and he uses none. And by trial and error we have been able to control the level of lubricant to suit both of us, such that it is comfortable for me but not too slippery for him; win win!  

There is reliable evidence that most men after prostate cancer treatments have certain level of ED and difficulty in reaching orgasms, sometimes because they can’t maintain a strong erection for long enough - a limp penis does not mean that a couple can’t pleasure each other including having orgasms. We have solved this problem by introducing a VED. We realised that despite having solved the problem of ED and vaginal dryness, we arrived at a completely different method of enjoying sex: it is no longer a quick foreplay - penetration - thursting - orgasm…job done - men are guaranteed orgasms, and their wives/partners may and may not! But now our love making lasts for a very long time because I have difficulty orgasming and it mostly happens after my wife's orgasms naturally or my wife often helps me to orgasm with the use of a vibrator or masturbating me. We think of our intimate experience as slow-sex which has brought us much closer and it is the most wonderful feeling, for both mind and body: We call this Tantric Sex with orgasms.

I hope other members of this forum can relate their own feelings and experiences so that we can all learn from each other and help new members who, as we all know, face formidable challenges when diagnosed with this disease.