Just coping

Sorry for this rambling venting 

This is a difficult post to make for me, when I was first told I had incurable cancer I made an effort to put the cancer in a box at the back of my mind so I could think of today etc and not dwell on Cancer. A couple of months later I had a bad reaction to Chemo meds, which only lasted 4 minutes before I had a reaction, we then had a meeting with our oncologist who when we asked what the prognosis was now with no chance of Chemo, the reply came that I had a 40% chance of surviving 4 years.

So stuffing everything to do with cancer in the box only to be looked at when I had to, this served me well for three years keeping the cancer anchored to the back of mind, only as the use by date 17 August 2023 was getting closer I became upset, having more and more bad days, then I visited our local doctors who gave me a change of meds and telephone numbers for Macmillan and talking changes, at first I thought no way am I going just talk to somebody.

First I called Macmillan who arranged six weekly massage and chat sessions, eventually I spoke to Talking changes who scheduled me in for 6 one hour phone sessions still what can they say to help me I’ve got Cancer and that’s it. Come the first session just talking about being told, how I coped with it, my feelings my support network I was in tears for most of the call. The second call we talked more about the box I had stuffed all the bad news about Prostate cancer and how I dealt with it, help from family and friends, then the talk took a surprising turn being asked if I could visualise things, saying imaging your box as a boat with all the cancer bits and all the good things about my life feelings etc, safely tucked inside, now just cast off and drift I honestly thought that’s what I expected just words.

The next phone call we talked again and agreed that focusing on that date helped me to cope initially it became an anchor not letting me move forward, now with my box / boat adrift it was like joining everyone else without a date could be tomorrow, next year who knows when.

Twelve months on and those phone calls really helped my outlook on Life

Hope this helps show others there is help around if we ask and take the first step

What a thoughtful and informative post airyarris, so much of what you say resonates with me. When I was diagnosed I couldn’t talk about it with anyone except close family. My breakthrough came when my wife talked me into visiting Maggies together 6 months after being diagnosed!. We talked with one of their counsellors and I began to open up. But the real change came when I attended the first Men’s Cancer Support Group meeting. I didn’t think I would say much, but after listening to the other guys, I really opened up and was quite emotional. The support I got from them was amazing and continues to this day. It completely changed the way I dealt with Cancer. I really believe talking is SO important.

I do hope others read your post and are encouraged to seek out the support that’s out there if you look for it.

Derek