At a loss as what to do next

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User

Posted 20 Jan 2025 at 19:37

Hi, my dad has advanced prostate cancer, and was told a week ago there is no more that can be done, and was given six months, which has totally sent him and our family into complete shock, he has exhausted all easy options as we were told, as has been on abiraterone and they said as his psa is going up and doubling time of every 4 weeks it doesn’t seem viable now, he could have chemo but this would put too much strain on his body and we were told it would only give him a couple of months extra at the most, he has zoladex and on dexamethasone which he is to continue, dad decided against it as doesn’t want to put himself through such gruelling treatment, he has already had radiotherapy a few years ago so that wasn’t an option either.

I guess I’m reaching out as I’m at a loss what to do next? putting a time on someone’s life is awful, my mum died suddenly 7 years ago, which was awful in every way possible, but this has really hit hard especially with my dad.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

User

Posted 21 Jan 2025 at 09:59

Hi, I'm sorry you are here. I don't know your father's age or how long he had advanced cancer. Death is inevitable for everyone. I'm sad when prostate cancer causes an early death, but when it causes a death in later life, you have to accept that if it weren't prostate cancer it would be heart disease or dementia. I am assuming from your username that you are in your 50s and your dad is possibly late 70s which would in my opinion be a young age to be facing death.

What can you do now? Well when a doctor says six months to live he is saying this is a "terminal diagnosis", not the most sensitive phrase so probably not the words the doctor actually used. You will have to use this phrase a lot, if you want the state bureaucracy to do something, rather than just put you on a waiting list, along with everyone else.

What you need to look at now is help from a hospice, this does not mean he will be going into a hospice. They can look after care at home, palliative care, pain medication and they can do a better job than the standard NHS at this stage of life. He may be entitled to some state benefits, and when you say this is a "terminal diagnosis" the benefit bureaucracy will be speeded up. He may need these benefits to pay for mobility aids etc.

Dave

User

Posted 21 Jan 2025 at 10:29

Hi MJR.

My dad died of prostate cancer 8 years ago, aged 88 years, although it was never recorded on his death certificate.

During the last month of his life I contacted Macmillan nurses. They were fantastic. As I recall, if they deem someone is only likely to survive a further 3 months, they can be be moved, at no cost, to a hospice/nursing home for palliative care.

My dad wanted to die at home.

Unfortunately, his condition drastically deteriorated, to the stage where I couldn't even get him to have water. I was forced into asking him to be moved. Me and mum, were waiting for transport to collect him, when he peacefully passed away.

My heart goes out to you. All I can suggest is that you continue to show your dad, how much you love and care for him.

User

Posted 22 Jan 2025 at 01:54

Thank you Dave, I appreciate your reply and advice, not an easy time, but will do the best I can for him.

User

Posted 22 Jan 2025 at 01:56

Thank you for your reply, am sorry for the loss of your dad, it really is so hard, but will do all I can to support him.

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