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New to this group. After advice please.

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User
Posted 14 Jun 2025 at 17:59

Hello,


I'm a newbie who is after advice please.


Short story. I met a gentleman (83) now 84 through my shop. He would pop in and just chat. This started in December. He was waiting for his family to visit from Banbury. He has had prostate cancer for 5 years now. 


 


In January, he stopped popping in, so after a few days I got worried and knocked on his door. He looked awful. He was so sick and had not been eating. I went to the supermarket and got his trifle because I wanted something he could easily eat. After a call to the nurse and antibiotics given, he got on the mend.


 


Since then, I visit him daily and if I don't go to him on time, he goes up to my shop looking for me. He is such a sweet guy and I now know I'm going to be looking after him until the end.


 


So, I need advice and guidance please.


 


His PSA has been going up since July 2024. It was 3.22 and in March this year it was at 13. 


For the past year, he says he's had terrible hip, lower back and left shoulder pain. I don't know the history of his levels because he's not got a clue. He did say he had radiotherapy and hormone therapy. He stopped taking bicalutamide in March. He is in terrible pain most of the time. Toothache-type pain in the left shoulder. He's not eating much at all. He's drinking fluid like crazy. He's sleeping much more than when I started helping him.


 


Waiting for pelvic and full body scan results on Friday. 


 


What can I do to help him? I’m sadly thinking it is in his bones. 


Thank you! 


Julie 

User
Posted 14 Jun 2025 at 21:29
He is being appraised and you cannot help him much medically other than ensure he is taking medication and attending appointments. Ask him to get as much info on his case as possible. He really needs a family member or friend to attend appointments with him. Perhaps you could speak with his family. Somebody must take some responsibility at some point. But you could continue to be friendly but uncondescending with him. I am sure he would appreciate that very much.
Barry
User
Posted 14 Jun 2025 at 21:38

Julie, firstly that is very kind of you. Good advice from Barry. Could I suggest you call the the number at the top of the page on Monday and talk to one of the sites specialist nurses. If you have a mobile phone and  could both speak to the nurse it would better.


Thanks Chris 

User
Posted 14 Jun 2025 at 23:10

Hi Julie.


You certainly are a jewel. 


I don't want to appear dismissive of the gentleman's condition, but he is 84 years old. At that age, most men would be suffering from one condition or another. I'm not seventy and apart from PCa have other co-morbidities and there are many on this forum who are much younger and more seriously ill than me.


At 84 years old most men will have prostate cancer at some level or another. At that age my dad was riddled with prostate cancer, it was in his bones, and his PSA was in the hundreds. There is very little that can be done. Your old friend is lucky to have someone like you caring about him, your kindness and concern must be a comfort to him.

User
Posted 15 Jun 2025 at 09:35

Julie,


what a beautiful, caring thing you've been doing.  It does sound like his PC has spread widely, but he certainly does not need to be in pain at all, now that he is starting to receive treatment he (or you) should ask to speak to the palliative care team and they can quickly help with this.


I know from experience with older people (my parents & in-laws) that they're always suspicious of painkilling meds (saying things like 'oooh they make me feel funny,' etc etc) but they make a enormous, night-and-day difference to quality of life.  He does not have to suffer.  


All the best,


Craig

User
Posted 15 Jun 2025 at 10:45

Thank you!


sadly his family are useless. They came to see him two weekends ago and from the Thursday to Monday saw him for 5 hours. 


He came into my shop yesterday and was t looking great so I closed up and went to his house and sat with him. He’s so frail with pain, it’s so sad. When we got to his house he just kept falling asleep. His mind is so switched on and active, but I am starting to see forgetfulness in him.


I’ll do what I can for him. I’ll probably know more on Friday when the scan results come in. From the pain areas I’ll not be surprised to metastases in the pelvic areas, spine and shoulder. He’s had the shoulder pain for over a year now. 

is it normal that he was left just on HT and PSA checks when he was presenting with these pains for a year? He’s lost a stone in a year (7. 1/2 ) now. His kidneys are bad due to other medication (lithium) bipolar medication, so I’m not sure what his next treatment will be. 


Thank you!


Julie


 

User
Posted 15 Jun 2025 at 10:53

You are spot on. I did manage to get him some pain killers when we visited the doctors because he needed a checkup. He was not keen on them at all. He did start taking them and the pain eased up, but then he was violently sick for two days. Co-codamol they were. He stoped taking them. I don’t know if it was them or not. I always gave them after food. His food intake is zero or a tiny bit now so he’d need something that isn’t as strong maybe. He was so sick and twice in one weekend I called 111 and they just weren’t interested. Finally on the Monday I insisted through his doctor a nurse came out. She wasn’t of great use but I did request anti sick tablets and they helped. 


Thsnks


Julie

User
Posted 15 Jun 2025 at 11:01

Thank you!


He has had two heart attacks, his kidneys are not the best but he’s one determined man. You can see the pain in his face but he just keeps going. We take walks and his spirit his high. When I first started helping him he’d given up out of loneliness. He is definitely more tired now than he was 6 months ago, less appetite (no appetite) and drinking loads. 


Julie 

User
Posted 15 Jun 2025 at 23:41
What a very caring person you are.

We only know a little about this Gentleman but from what you tell us, it seems he might be more appropriately looked after in a home where there is support at all time, has his medication supervised and he has others to chat to.

There is clearly a limit to what you can do, be there for him or cope with. You have already closed your shop early and you should not let this impinge on your life so you might become stressed.
Barry
User
Posted 17 Jun 2025 at 12:25

Hi Barry,


Thank you! 
Bea a very proud and determined man. His family mentioned a home and all he’ll was let loose. He’s not at that stage. I really don’t know what stage he is at to be honest. His appetite is zero some days but the next he manages a tiny amount. Drinking like a fish, none stop fluid intake (mostly fizzy Fanta) He walks at a very slow pace but he keeps going. He gets hormone injections every three months. His PSA has been on the rise for a very long time now and his hips, spine and left shoulder give him awful pain. 


on Friday he’ll get his results and I guess we’ll know more then. From what I can workout is, he was at stage 2 5 years ago. He had radiotherapy with HT (injections every 3 months)  Bicalutamide Which they stopped in Match and the PSA carried on upwards. He’s had the arm pain for 18 months now. 


I’ll be glad to get the results on Friday so I know what’s going on and I can get him the right care needed and prepare myself as his caregiver. 

I hope you’re doing great. Thanks.


Julie

User
Posted 17 Jun 2025 at 16:28

A hospice can offer help without him having to go in to the hospice, they can help him at home, or more realistically help you to look after him at home. 


From what you have said so far, he is at the stage where hospice help is needed. Of course after Friday things will be clearer.

Dave

User
Posted 18 Jun 2025 at 08:22

Hi Dave,


Thanks. 


I’m just on my way to him now. He was very tired yesterday and slept a lot. Pain in his hips, back and arm were bad. Friday will give the answers but I do feel it’s now wide spread. 
Thanks for the information, I know i’ll need help because it’s hard going now and his family are just not interested. 
Thanks again. 
Julie 


 

Edited by member 18 Jun 2025 at 13:35  | Reason: Not specified

 
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