Hello Willowtree,
If I may, I would like to talk about how my wife looked after me. I am now over a year after my op and probably about as recovered as I can be.
My wonderful wife did so much to help me get to this point. Firstly, she was a rock and supported me at all times and didn't shy away from any topics including the dreaded ED. She made sure she was there for every hospital trip and listened carefully to all I was told. My mind was all over the place a lot of the time and having her to rely on was a massive help.
She spotted I had a water infection before I did, after my catheter was removed. This she spotted it because I had a really emotional down day and I had started to go to the toilet more often. She then made sure I contacted the doctor and got help.
She removed all the daily chores from me and made me rest - often with my protests. After a few weeks of my recovery she pushed me to do just the washing up. I only washed the dishes and she wouldn't let me put them away for a week or more longer. As I got stronger she slowly added more chores. At around 4 weeks she suggested I try a puzzle which helped no end. A puzzle moved on to building a lego kit. We have a dog and after about five weeks I moved on to going for short walks with her and our furry friend. I actually loved doing that and still love a joint walkie a year on.
There is no easy way to tackle the topic of ED. She has taught me that there is so much more to love making and we now have an amazing love life. She doesn't shy away from the odd joke about my reduced manhood, but regularly reassures me that my size and ED is not a problem to her. I had non-nerve sparing and will never have a natural hard on again. That took a lot of getting past and she encouraged me to get some cognitive behaviour therapy which really helped me to accept the changes and see their positive side.
I have had three scares about spread, but thankfully I remain cancer free. The last scare involved a camera in my bladder and that caused my incontinence to return for 6 weeks. She once again was there supporting me and encouraging me to believe it would go again and it did.
In short, you have a challenge to face. Being on here shows me that you are going to face it and be just as wonderful to your hubby. The other message is that despite it all you both will have times of laughter that might seem so unlikely. There are so many wonderful memories to go with all the fear and troubles.