RARP support please

Hi again willowtree,

I found the operation, when I eventually got it 🙂, an absolute doddle.

I wore jogging bottoms. It might be an idea to take a packet of his favourite biscuits, and may be ear plugs/headphones to reduce overnight noises. I wish I had taken some baby wet wipes to freshen up 'down below' instead of having to ask the staff for some.

There is a conversation somewhere on here about what to do and what to take with you to hospital when you go for a prostatectomy but I can't find , perhaps someone else can and attach a link.

He'll be fine. 👍

Edited by member 08 Jul 2025 at 11:21  | Reason: Additional text

Hi Willowtree

I had mine on 8th April and it went amazingly smoothly. Living with the catheter wasn't as bad as I'd feared, some irritation to the tip of the penis which he can get Insillagel for (pharmacists will order it in for him) and I found that the thigh strap really irritated my skin so swap legs from day to night time. Don't buy huge amounts of pads (as I did) because he may not need them and they are always available from supermarkets or next day on Amazon.

Good luck! 

Top tip is get the spare velcro leg strap out of the bag of the week 2 catheter supply so when he showers he has a dry strap to put on and can dry the shower one out. Also there will be a sticky pad to hold the catheter tube to his leg and stop it pulling. Use some microporous tape first to find the right position for the tube to be comfortable before using the actual sticky pad. Once stuck the pad will stay on for a week.

Best of luck to him and take every little step as a victory. 

Hello Willowtree,

If I may, I would like to talk about how my wife looked after me.  I am now over a year after my op and probably about as recovered as I can be.

My wonderful wife did so much to help me get to this point.  Firstly, she was a rock and supported me at all times and didn't shy away from any topics including the dreaded ED.  She made sure she was there for every hospital trip and listened carefully to all I was told.  My mind was all over the place a lot of the time and having her to rely on was a massive help.

She spotted I had a water infection before I did, after my catheter was removed.  This she spotted it because I had a really emotional down day and I had started to go to the toilet more often.  She then made sure I contacted the doctor and got help.

She removed all the daily chores from me and made me rest - often with my protests.  After a few weeks of my recovery she pushed me to do just the washing up.  I only washed the dishes and she wouldn't let me put them away for a week or more longer.  As I got stronger she slowly added more chores. At around 4 weeks she suggested I try a puzzle which helped no end.  A puzzle moved on to building a lego kit.  We have a dog and after about five weeks I moved on to going for short walks with her and our furry friend.  I actually loved doing that and still love a joint walkie a year on.

There is no easy way to tackle the topic of ED.  She has taught me that there is so much more to love making and we now have an amazing love life.  She doesn't shy away from the odd joke about my reduced manhood, but regularly reassures me that my size and ED is not a problem to her.  I had non-nerve sparing and will never have a natural hard on again.  That took a lot of getting past and she encouraged me to get some cognitive behaviour therapy which really helped me to accept the changes and see their positive side.

I have had three scares about spread, but thankfully I remain cancer free.  The last scare involved a camera in my bladder and that caused my incontinence to return for 6 weeks.  She once again was there supporting me and encouraging me to believe it would go again and it did.

In short, you have a challenge to face.  Being on here shows me that you are going to face it and be just as wonderful to your hubby.  The other message is that despite it all you both will have times of laughter that might seem so unlikely.  There are so many wonderful memories to go with all the fear and troubles.

I struggled with being indoors and by the time I could drive I was dying to just go out for a meal with my wife again. It was pure heaven when finally I could and so didn't care that I was still incontinent at the time. The NHS pads dealt with that.

Initially I didn't really notice that I was indoors and not doing anything. The whole management of the blood bag and catheter bag, along with the tummy injections, was enough to exhaust me and send me back to bed and sleep. Once the blood bag went and I began to get my strength back that was when the boredom hit. Mentally I found stuff to do like I needed a new car and used a lot of time to research the best deal, that ultimately paid off when I got a brand new EV for half price! Maybe you could get him to start planning something like a holiday or some improvements to your home/garden. Using the time usefully can so help the days to pass.

I would also say - don't be afraid to get out without him in the later part of his recovery. My wife did and it was good to have some alone time. She did check in with me regularly.

I so hope those future weeks are not so testing and that you both find as much happiness in the time as possible.