How to cope in the lead up to results

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User

Posted 05 Aug 2025 at 12:40

My husband is 58 and 2 weeks ago visited his GP as he was peeing a lot and had a pinch in his groin area. GP did an internal and said enlarged prostate so referred him for mri and ultrasound last Tuesday. At that appointment they did a blood test for his psa also. Met with urologist last Friday she said the psa is reading at 2.8 but she said that his GP report said that during the examination his prostate felt raggy and hard. The mri showed an abnormality but couldn't define what it was so he is now scheduled for a biopsy next Monday. His GP put him on an alpha blocker which has reduced the peeing a lot. I am worried sick about him. I am strong in front of him but having regular meltdowns when he is not around, as his father died from PC at 76 but he didn't mind himself and was diagnosed just a year before he passed away. My husband is a fit healthy non smoker. We met late in life 13 years ago and saved each other really, and I feel that this is so unfair on him just when we have turned a corner and are moving to our dream pre-retirement life by the sea in a few months time. He is coping well with things at the moment, but my fear of losing him is so intense that I just want to vomit all the time. How can I give him more support and be stronger for him? Thanks for listening.

User

Posted 05 Aug 2025 at 19:40

Hi Kala, I'm sorry to read of your worries. It's good that you're strong in front of him. It's helpful if he thinks you're strong, it might enable him to be more open and not have to worry as much about you. I'd also keep off the alcohol, I found the night time worries worse if I'd had a drink. There are more personal matters too that could worry him. We both go to meetings with doctors and I find my wife's opinion useful as she picks up things I might miss and sometimes sees things differently than me.

Also there's often a lower chance of things than it appears so you need to tell yourself that when it's not proven. Also it's usually slow developing with plenty of treatment options that cure or greatly slow it down.

They're just a few things that struck me anyway.

p.s. We've been married over 40yrs and we know how each is feeling through actions more than words. We're all different on that I guess.

Edited by member 05 Aug 2025 at 20:04 | Reason: Not specified

User

Posted 05 Aug 2025 at 20:34

Hi Kala,

It's a horrendous thing to happen to any couple, regardless of how long you've been together etc.

My wife was great during my waits for results and tests. Just being there for him is so supportive, you don't have to be superwoman and hold it together all the time.

You are both going through this and you'll need support just as much as he will.

Please don't dwell on the thought of losing him, you are a long, long way off having to face that possibility and you'll make yourself ill if you allow such thoughts to take hold.

Wait until the biopsy results come in and you will then start to see what might be needed in the way of changes to the way you live your lives. Even if, like me, it is a negative result for cancer, you will both have been changed by facing up to something so scary.

Hopefully it will be good news and you will have nothing to worry about. But if there is something then you will be guided through and supported as much as possible.

Mick

User

Posted 06 Aug 2025 at 08:14

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

He is coping well with things at the moment, but my fear of losing him is so intense that I just want to vomit all the time.

My wife often says that I make her sick. 😁

Joking apart Kala, diagnosis time is the worst part. At this stage most men and their partners know very little about the disease, and it's human nature to fear the unknown. Just take one procedure at a time and try not to think about 'what ifs'

I've read your posts. PSA tests and MRI scan are only indicators, but your husband's PSA at 2.8, is in the normal range. The DRE result is really irrelevant now as it has been surpassed by an MRI scan which is far more accurate.

In another thread you mentioned not getting a pi-rads score. That isn't to important, because that only gives a radiological indication of how likely any anomalies are to be clinically significant cancer. It's only the biopsy that can till if the suspicious area is cancerous and if so how aggressive it is likely to be.

The fact that his dad had prostate cancer slightly increases the chance of risk, but everything so far isn't particularly alarming.

You obviously think the world of each other and it's great that you are supporting him. However, although I know it's difficult, try not to worry. In the grand scheme of things your husband is in a good position.

I wish you both the best of luck with the biopsy results. Please keep us updated.

Edited by member 06 Aug 2025 at 19:06 | Reason: Typo

User

Posted 07 Aug 2025 at 15:42

Hi Kala,

I just wanted to add my support to what has already been said. It is a terrible experience going through these tests and hearing the C word, even if it's only a possibility. I so understand your feelings and my own wife had the same experience and initially chose to have her dark moments only when I was not around. When my cancer was confirmed we talked it all through and I encouraged her to share those moments with me. It was often the case that when she was down I could be there for her and then she could be there for me when I was struggling. It was a tough road but together we have moved a year past having the operation to remove my prostate and if anything the love we share is now even more wonderful. We have been married over 42 years and the joy we have in each other has never been more magical.

I recently had a scare about the cancer spreading to my bladder and that was in many ways harder for my wife. She had lost both her mum and dad to cancer and in her dad's case he had been through three lots of cancer treatment in 15 years. The thought that I was going to have the same repeated battles was very hard for her. When we found out that there was no spread she celebrated even more than I did.

I so hope that your biopsy results are good and that you don't have to panic any more. Whatever the result please share your feelings and beat whatever life brings to you both as a team!

User

Posted 12 Aug 2025 at 20:53

Hello Kala. I am not as knowledgeable as the others on the medical side but I have just started my journey like your husband- my biopsy is this Thursday 14th - and my poor partner had to cope with me having a quadruple heart bypass just under 3 years ago! So second time for him trying to cope with my issues. Being a man, maybe like doctors (!) his bedside manner is questionable at times, he tells me to buck up and it will be ok and others are worse off as you can see from this forum and it gets me annoyed! But st the same time I rise to the occasion! So perhaps I mean that you can also at times be strong with your husband, a bit bloody minded and direct to get him in a fighting mood!

just in case you believe in it, I pray for everyone on this forum, God bless us all.

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