Dear Taz68,
Definitely sending you positive vibes. In general I don't post because my husband is a very private person. But I am in the same boat as you and want to send my virtual support. I get a lot of strength reading the posts on this forum. We were the type of people who are always thinking about tomorrow, not today. That all changed, making the most of every day. Fortunately, RT and still on HT are keeping things at bay for him, so QOL is good now and I try very hard to focus on appreciating every second with my husband. I understand where you are coming from. It's impossible to keep my mind from wandering, and I spend part of almost every day with my head in the space you are in, and feeling like you write. But you are not alone on this forum! I am so inspired by so many people on here seizing the day, trying to be like them. This helps me immensely, to really enjoy wonderful quality time together, and also to help him enjoy every day to the max possible.