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My husband just been diagnosed with prostate cancer

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User
Posted 11 Oct 2025 at 09:00

Hi, my name is Bea and my husband just been diagnosed with prostate cancer. We are both lost and struggling at the moment. My husband is 63 years old and he did not have any symptoms with his prostate. He asked for a psa test 3 years ago, because his brother was struggling with some prostate issues. His psa was 6.5 so they asked for an mri and that come back all clear 2 years ago. He had psa blood test since. This July he had an mri again and that came back with some abnormal cells, so they did a biopsy which confirmed the cancer. They did 15 samples, 7 came back cancerous. 20% grade 4 and 80% grade 3, so his Gleason score is 3+4=7. There is no tumour as such. And it has not spread. They want to keep him on active surveillance for now. But my husband is not comfortable of having this disease in him, so he’s set his heart on surgery. Prostatectomy. The other options would be radiotherapy or bracchi therapy. He’s thinking if he has to have the surgery he’d rather have it now when he’s younger and fitter. He knows about the side effects of it all. His sister died of cancer. So that’s playing on his mind as well. I’m not sure what would be the best solution, the more I read about treatments the more confused and indecisive I’m getting. I’m here for some advice. Thank you

User
Posted 11 Oct 2025 at 09:00

Hi, my name is Bea and my husband just been diagnosed with prostate cancer. We are both lost and struggling at the moment. My husband is 63 years old and he did not have any symptoms with his prostate. He asked for a psa test 3 years ago, because his brother was struggling with some prostate issues. His psa was 6.5 so they asked for an mri and that come back all clear 2 years ago. He had psa blood test since. This July he had an mri again and that came back with some abnormal cells, so they did a biopsy which confirmed the cancer. They did 15 samples, 7 came back cancerous. 20% grade 4 and 80% grade 3, so his Gleason score is 3+4=7. There is no tumour as such. And it has not spread. They want to keep him on active surveillance for now. But my husband is not comfortable of having this disease in him, so he’s set his heart on surgery. Prostatectomy. The other options would be radiotherapy or bracchi therapy. He’s thinking if he has to have the surgery he’d rather have it now when he’s younger and fitter. He knows about the side effects of it all. His sister died of cancer. So that’s playing on his mind as well. I’m not sure what would be the best solution, the more I read about treatments the more confused and indecisive I’m getting. I’m here for some advice. Thank you

User
Posted 11 Oct 2025 at 18:12

Thank you Debbie, silly question but how do I find your profile?

 

many thanks for your reply 🙂

 

ps I have found the profile thank you

Edited by member 11 Oct 2025 at 18:19  | Reason: Answered my own question

User
Posted 17 Oct 2025 at 09:58

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

Hi Bea. When you say mechanical valve, is that an artificial urinary sphincter?

It's a heart valve, Chris. It was mentioned in another conversation. Bea's husband's preferred choice was surgery. I warned her that this may affect his suitability for RARP.

During surgery you're put in the Trendelenburg position, where you're tilted with your feet between 15/30 degrees higher than your head. This exerts pressure on your heart. I was almost deemed unsuitable for the operation due to cardiac issues. 

User
Posted 17 Oct 2025 at 10:40

Thanks Adrian, we’re going off the idea of the surgery. If radiotherapy just as good, there’s no point pursuing the surgery. And we watched the video, it was so informative, thank you.

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User
Posted 11 Oct 2025 at 16:12
Dear Bea,

I’m sorry to hear about your husband but glad you found this site. I wish I had found this community when my husband was initially diagnosed two years ago, because this is a very supportive group. My husband was much further along when diagnosed so I cannot advise. I am sure others on here can tell you how they feel about when is the best time to choose surgery. I have taken the advice of others on here to not look backward, only forward. But we definitely would have chosen surgery when my husband's PC was contained if we had known about it then.

User
Posted 11 Oct 2025 at 16:29

Thank you for your reply. It’s so overwhelming and stressful right now, so I welcome any replies from people who are in the same shoes as us. My husband has only been diagnosed 1.5 weeks ago, so it’s still very raw and we are not coping at all.

User
Posted 11 Oct 2025 at 17:22
Hi Bea, sorry you both find yourself in this situation, but as mentioned above, those site is invaluable and we found it a fabulous source of information and comfort.

If you want to check out our full profile, please do as we were in an almost identical situation to you.

Steve was 62, psa 6.5, tumors both side of prostate but mri showed all contained within the prostate. Gleason 3+4. He considered other options but overwhelming thoughts for him was he just wanted it out of him. Our thoughts were if he did nothing and just monitored then he was just kicking the can down the road and putting off the inevitable…and worrying that the longer left, would it break out of the capsule?

He had surgery in January 2024; post op histology confirmed cancer was all contained, so for him, the right decision.

Yes there are side effects and everyone’s experience here is different so won’t go into that here, you can read on our profile….but despite those, Steve says he would make the same decision.

Please ask away if you need any more info, everyone on here understands what you’re both going through.

Debbie

User
Posted 11 Oct 2025 at 17:31

Hi Bea.

Welcome to the forum.

Please watch this video with your husband, it explains all treatment options and possible side effects.

https://youtu.be/zYTU94-8pTc?si=1Z29_l8rbTwF6DHl

Good luck. 👍

Edited by member 11 Oct 2025 at 17:32  | Reason: Typo

User
Posted 11 Oct 2025 at 18:12

Thank you Debbie, silly question but how do I find your profile?

 

many thanks for your reply 🙂

 

ps I have found the profile thank you

Edited by member 11 Oct 2025 at 18:19  | Reason: Answered my own question

User
Posted 11 Oct 2025 at 18:13

Thank you, we will watch it 👍

User
Posted 12 Oct 2025 at 13:10

Hi Bea 624280

My diagnosis was very similar to his. I had prostatectomy 16 years ago and we still enjoying life and have seen our grandchildren growing up. Yes there are side effects which I have but that hasn't stopped us enjoying our life. Treatments have improved a great deal since my time.  I know it is very worrying for you both but prognosis for this shocking disease is very positive. You may like to look at my stream of posts on this site. Good luck.

 'Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but that’s not why we do it.'                    Richard Feynman (1918-1988) Nobel Prize laureate

 

 

User
Posted 12 Oct 2025 at 13:29

Thank you so much for your reassuring kind words, means a lot

User
Posted 12 Oct 2025 at 14:29

I was diagnosed with 3+4 (Gleason 7) PSA 5.6 in  September 2019 (age ~52). Decided to ignore the AS recommendations and took a second opinion. Had it removed the same month privately at London Bridge (Guys Hospital) by a top professor surgeon using RARP retzius sparing + NeuroSAFE. Pleased I acted when I did as post histology showed it was close to going T3.

I was very worried before surgery but when I woke up and came round I realised it was less hassle than having my tonsils out in many ways. Absolutely nothing to worry about and a bit of management overheads with catheter bag for two weeks plus being sensible and not doing too much for 3 months.

Not looked back since and life normal and doing lots of calisthenics in the gym. No continence issues and fortunate as no ED issues.

 

Edited by member 12 Oct 2025 at 14:36  | Reason: Not specified

User
Posted 12 Oct 2025 at 20:23

Wow amazing. Thank you for sharing your story, I’ll tell my husband about your experience 👍

User
Posted 16 Oct 2025 at 19:25

Update on this:

Because my husband has a mechanical valve, surgery looks too radical for the stage of cancer. So now we’re looking into radiotherapy. I would like to hear stories where people had the radiotherapy and if the cancer was cured afterwards, also side effects short and long term and if the cancer came back after, what options were presented?

 

many thanks Bea

User
Posted 16 Oct 2025 at 20:08

Hi Bea. When you say mechanical valve, is that an artificial urinary sphincter? I only had radiotherapy as a secondary treatment so my experience is slightly different from someone having it as primary treatment. Generally speaking the curative outcomes are about the same for the prostatectomy and radiotherapy options. Both of course have their side effects but the degree to which you have them (if at all) is a bit of a lottery. Your husband has been diagnosed early so his prognosis is good. It's unlikely that cancer cells escaped into lymph nodes that could cause a recurrence further down the line. There are other options if there is a recurrence but it's really not worth thinking about those right now. Focus on the primary treatment and what to expect because that is most likely all he is going to need. Good luck to you both.

User
Posted 17 Oct 2025 at 09:58

Originally Posted by: Online Community Member

Hi Bea. When you say mechanical valve, is that an artificial urinary sphincter?

It's a heart valve, Chris. It was mentioned in another conversation. Bea's husband's preferred choice was surgery. I warned her that this may affect his suitability for RARP.

During surgery you're put in the Trendelenburg position, where you're tilted with your feet between 15/30 degrees higher than your head. This exerts pressure on your heart. I was almost deemed unsuitable for the operation due to cardiac issues. 

User
Posted 17 Oct 2025 at 10:23

Thank you for your kind reply. He has a mechanical heart valve and he’s on warfarin for life. Your words are very reassuring thank you.

User
Posted 17 Oct 2025 at 10:40

Thanks Adrian, we’re going off the idea of the surgery. If radiotherapy just as good, there’s no point pursuing the surgery. And we watched the video, it was so informative, thank you.

User
Posted 27 Oct 2025 at 16:12

Hi guys, we are struggling to make a decision on treatments. 

1. active surveillance, this is what the drs want us to do, but my husband doesn’t like this option

2. prostatectomy, this is what my husband thought was the best option, but now it seems to risky with his mechanical heart valve

3. radiotherapy, that’s the option that we’re leaning towards at the moment, but I just learnt that it can cause a secondary cancer later

4. Brachytherapy, drs don’t recommend this, because my husband is already on tamsulosin 

5. focal therapy, sounds like the best option, but they only have statistics up to 5 years after treatment, so it’s a bit of a gamble 

 

If you have any experience about any of the above treatments please share it with us

thank you so much 

User
Posted 27 Oct 2025 at 19:43

Hi, I went down the Radiotherapy route 2 years ago and have no regrets on my treatment choice, I was on Bicalutamide for 3 months prior to my Radiotherapy, the side effects I suffered were sore nipples and slight fatigue helped by exercise. 

Then I had 20 sessions of Radiotherapy over 4 weeks and everything went well and I suffered from fatigue again helped by gentle exercise, my bowels were slightly loose after the Radiotherapy but nothing to bad, my latest PSA has come back at 0.4 and Urology are very happy with my progress.

I would however have happily taken the 5 sessions of SABRE radiotherapy if it had been offered at the time.

John

User
Posted 27 Oct 2025 at 22:04

Thanks John. We are very overwhelmed with it all. Hubby just wants it gone, he’s leaning towards radiotherapy. 

User
Posted 28 Oct 2025 at 11:48
Hi Bea, we were very much in the same situation as you. My husband was diagnosed earlier this year with a Gleason of 7. He also just wanted it gone but unfortunately due to previous heart issues it was suggested he would be more suited to radiotherapy.

He has to take a hormone tablet for 6 months and he's completed 20 fractions of radiotherapy so it's now a waiting and watching game. He has had very little side effects from the radiotherapy and managed to work while going through it. The hormone tablet does give him hot flushes but apart from that all is going well. Please get in touch if I can help or offer support!

Lesley

User
Posted 28 Oct 2025 at 21:08

Thanks Leslie, we are seeing the surgeon next Monday to talk about the surgery, will see what he says then. We will also ask to see an oncologist about the radiotherapy; hopefully we will be able to make a decision after we spoke to both specialists.

User
Posted 03 Nov 2025 at 13:09

We have just seen the surgeon and we’re none of the wiser at what to do next. He said that my husbands heart echo results were 55-60% and that’s not very good for the surgery, but still doable, just have to check the heart more thoroughly before surgery. Anyway we’re going off the idea of the surgery so the dr said if that’s the case forget about it and don’t dwell on it. We asked about radiotherapy and he’s going to refer us to an oncologist. Also talked about brachytherapy and my husband need a flow test before they can decide if he can have that treatment or not. Also asked about focal therapy, but he wasn’t keen on taking about that option. For some reason the NHS are not liking/promoting that therapy so we have to go to Southampton hospital privately to have a consultation about that. I still think focal is the best option right now. But it looks like we have to pay for that privately, if anyone knows roughly how much it will cost please let me know. Also the dr said that he can guarantee that my husband won’t die of prostate cancer in the next 20 years and he is willing to put that in writing (he said this because my husband is really worried about having been diagnosed with cancer, because most of his relatives died of cancer and that’s playing on his mind all the time).

So to sum it up, we have 3 more appointments to go to, oncologist in Poole hospital, flow test in Bournemouth hospital and the focal consultation in Southampton.

Also his psa is 8.6 now, 2 months after biopsy. Before biopsy it was around 6.5

 
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