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User
Posted 16 Nov 2025 at 09:30

My husband has prostate cancer. We were told at first no treatment needed. But he was offered a 2nd biopsy which he took. He was then upgraded to needing treatment. He had a PET scan a few weeks ago and the cancer is contained within the prostate but there is a "tiny amount" in one lymph node apparently.. we are waiting for the MDT meeting on Friday but have been told most likely Radiotherapy and Hormone Therapy. We go to the Churchill in Oxford which I understand has good facilities, but we do seem to have a slightly longer wait than we should. We feel fairly positive and are just anxious to meet with consultant. However I find the Hormone therapy stories appalling and terrify me! I'm just hoping he won't have too long a course and won't feel too ill. We are very close, have a wonderful marriage and feel we can weather the storm together. Despite being 72 our sex life is wonderful and I'm hoping 🙏 we can stay close. Has anyone anything positive on this. If your story is negative, please don't share with me 

User
Posted 16 Nov 2025 at 18:09

The most important point you have made is that you are very close and your sex life is wonderful. My wife and I were the same when I was diagnosed 15 years ago and had surgery and our life including sex is still wonderful in spite of the side effects of prostatectomy. I have no experience of the treatment  which your husband may undergo but I do know from our personal experience that with a bit of luck, love and imagination there is life after prostate cancer. Hormone therapy will be a temporary problem. Good luck.

 'Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but that’s not why we do it.'                    Richard Feynman (1918-1988) Nobel Prize laureate

 

 

User
Posted 16 Nov 2025 at 18:47
I'd just say that I had 32 sessions of RT with 3 yrs HT (Zoladex) included in that was 2yrs abiraterone, enzalutimide, prednisolone on trial. This was to treat locally advanced PCa starting when I was in late 50s in 2015, gleason was 9. So admittedly fair bit younger than your husband. I suffered all the effects but after a good while things recovered fine, working as they should albeit with dry orgasms which arent a problem, I am approaching 70 now.

Peter

User
Posted 16 Nov 2025 at 20:29
Antoinette, it is a stressful time for you both but from what you have told us there likely to be a good chance of successful treatment. With cancerous cells detected outside the prostate it is indeed likely that radiotherapy will be the favoured route, and the most modern machines are very good.

The worry comes with the hormone therapy, which can have longlasting effects. I think the two of you need to talk to the oncologist about your fears, and whether the treatment can be adjusted. While oncologists (who after all know a lot more than people on a forum) do believe that blocking testosterone enhances the success rate with radiotherapy, the evidence for the best way to do it is less clear and there should be scope for doing it in a way that gives the best probability of testosterone recovery. One point is the timing, though three years therapy is pretty standard there seems to be agreement that the treatment in advance of radiotherapy is particularly effective (it can shrink the prostate cells to produce a better radiotherapy target) and the time afterwards might perhaps be reduced. There is also a choice of drugs that can be used for the hormone therapy, and some seem to give a better chance of recovery than others even though they might carry separate side effects; those are all things worth discussing.

Good luck for next week.

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User
Posted 16 Nov 2025 at 16:07
If he has been offered curative radiotherapy the hormones are always optional. BUT you would have to accept the long term outcome for the cancer may not be as effective.
User
Posted 16 Nov 2025 at 17:31

Obviously his decision, but in every option there is usually a best case scenario.vTop priority is to deal with the cancer, then deal with side effects.  I'm hoping if he is on them, it won't be for ever and we are open to keeping things alive in any way. It would be nice to see a few good recovery stories. I do realise that people looking on forums for advice or help maybe the ones with a problem to solve. Bad news travels 10 x good news as well. 

User
Posted 16 Nov 2025 at 18:09

The most important point you have made is that you are very close and your sex life is wonderful. My wife and I were the same when I was diagnosed 15 years ago and had surgery and our life including sex is still wonderful in spite of the side effects of prostatectomy. I have no experience of the treatment  which your husband may undergo but I do know from our personal experience that with a bit of luck, love and imagination there is life after prostate cancer. Hormone therapy will be a temporary problem. Good luck.

 'Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but that’s not why we do it.'                    Richard Feynman (1918-1988) Nobel Prize laureate

 

 

User
Posted 16 Nov 2025 at 18:35

Protap thank you so much this is what I needed. I believe that myself. We have weathered a lot over the years, mental illness in son, all kinds. and our bond has been a mainstay. I will do whatever it takes to keep him safe, and yes I'm sure love will get us through this dark tunnel. His father had prostate cancer at 70, and died in 2020 aged 93. His mother had cancer at pretty much the same time aged 69, and died in 2018 aged 92. Neither died of cancer. So I feel we have as positive an outlook as possible. I feel very sad when people say their wives aren't interested any more 😔 

User
Posted 16 Nov 2025 at 18:47
I'd just say that I had 32 sessions of RT with 3 yrs HT (Zoladex) included in that was 2yrs abiraterone, enzalutimide, prednisolone on trial. This was to treat locally advanced PCa starting when I was in late 50s in 2015, gleason was 9. So admittedly fair bit younger than your husband. I suffered all the effects but after a good while things recovered fine, working as they should albeit with dry orgasms which arent a problem, I am approaching 70 now.

Peter

User
Posted 16 Nov 2025 at 18:54

Thank you so much for that. I shall reread your reply when and if I feel a bit anxious. I feel guilty for worrying about intimacy, because obviously I want him safe before anything else. We have talked about it and he's decided he will mention at any appointment that it is an integral part of our lives. 

User
Posted 16 Nov 2025 at 20:29
Antoinette, it is a stressful time for you both but from what you have told us there likely to be a good chance of successful treatment. With cancerous cells detected outside the prostate it is indeed likely that radiotherapy will be the favoured route, and the most modern machines are very good.

The worry comes with the hormone therapy, which can have longlasting effects. I think the two of you need to talk to the oncologist about your fears, and whether the treatment can be adjusted. While oncologists (who after all know a lot more than people on a forum) do believe that blocking testosterone enhances the success rate with radiotherapy, the evidence for the best way to do it is less clear and there should be scope for doing it in a way that gives the best probability of testosterone recovery. One point is the timing, though three years therapy is pretty standard there seems to be agreement that the treatment in advance of radiotherapy is particularly effective (it can shrink the prostate cells to produce a better radiotherapy target) and the time afterwards might perhaps be reduced. There is also a choice of drugs that can be used for the hormone therapy, and some seem to give a better chance of recovery than others even though they might carry separate side effects; those are all things worth discussing.

Good luck for next week.

User
Posted 16 Nov 2025 at 20:52

Thank you that's useful information. Just hope we can see someone face to face soon. I am hoping there will be options 

User
Posted 19 Nov 2025 at 21:34

Thank you again for that thoughtful reply. Lots of variables it seems. After thinking it through, husband rang his allocated nurse and said it was a priority to preserve our intimate relationship, as far as possible. Not to compromise his successful outcome. He wanted a few things added to his notes before the MDT meeting on Friday. I think this was a reasonable idea 

 
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