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Really anxious waiting for biopsy results

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User
Posted 09 Dec 2025 at 18:23

My husband is 58 and went to GP in October with symptoms of nocturia (only getting up once during night) & urgency during the day. GP did exam, said prostate slightly enlarged & prescribed Tamsulosin.

Due to history of husband's father having bladder cancer in mid-60's, the GP sent for PSA testing which came back "slightly raised" - don't know figure as husband won't ask or download NHS app to check. Husband's mum also had breast cancer which I've since discovered is relevant, but GP only asked about male side.

We both just thought it was going to be BPH & weren't concerned, until the follow up appointment after 2nd PSA a month later showed it was 19.

His MRI came back as PI-RAD 5 & a week later he had 24 core biopsies which he found extremely painful & traumatic.

We're a week down the line from that & are due to get biopsy grading results end December/early January, as has to go through MDT. We know we're most likely dealing with a PC diagnosis.

My husband's refusing to talk about this at all apart from saying he's not going to be here next Christmas and is also drinking a lot which is prolonging the blood in urine post biopsy. I've never seen him down before. He runs his own business and so there's added pressure of not having an income as his staff need his supervision and he's still got wages to pay.

I'm struggling myself as I'm so worried but trying to stay as positive as possible. It doesn't help that my job involves typing oncology related letters all day.

I've researched all the treatment & surgical options for later reference and joined support forums like this. Husband doesn't want to know anything.

What I'm asking for really is advice on this limbo period where we don't know exactly what we're dealing with yet. Thanks.

 

User
Posted 10 Dec 2025 at 13:02

Hi Cara,

The diagnosis part is very wearing and scary for everyone going through it.

Your husband seems to have adopted a very negative mindset even before any full diagnosis and treatment plan has even been arrived at.

But that could just be temporary low mood because everything looks bleak to him right now. 

My brother has just been diagnosed with terminal metastatic PCa and is finding it hard to deal with. Offers of help or support are refused and it looks like he has given up before the fight has even begun. 

Maybe when the results are in and knowing what he is dealing with he will turn things around in his head. I truly hope so.

The fact is you are going through this as well, OK you dont have the disease, but you have similar degrees of worry, emotion and fear running through you. A fact that some men can completely miss when they are wrapped up in the whole "I've got cancer, you dont know what it's like" mindset. 

I know from experience that trying to tell him you are also suffering will probably only make things worse, especially if he's drinking a lot. At the minute he may only be thinking about himself because hes pretty scared. But that still doesn't make it any easier for you.

The best thing you can do is continue to learn about treatments etc. While he is sticking his head in the sand you can be up on what's likely to be coming down the line and at least be prepared for if it suddenly hits him that he needs to live with cancer, not die from it. 

Its very hard for you at present and I feel for you, the focus always falls on the patient, but you are carrying both him and you. 

Try not to worry till the biopsy results are known. As Adrian said, worrying won't change what's coming but it will affect your ability to deal with it. 

Please do keep in touch as partners sometimes get a raw deal and need just as much support as the guy going through the process. 

Best regards, Mick 

 

User
Posted 10 Dec 2025 at 08:44

Hi, Cara.

I'm sorry that your husband is having prostate problems. However, it's fantastic, in order to help him, you've joined us. Welcome to the forum. You'll get a lot of support here.

Unfortunately, his elevated PSA, and MRI scan results indicate there is a high likelihood of him having prostate cancer. However, we have had folk who've had similar PSA levels and pi-rad results, which have been caused by non-cancerous conditions. Only the biopsy can show IF he's got PCa and how aggressive it's likely to be.

I think most on here would agree, that the initial diagnosis procedures are the worst time, and waiting is the worst part of these clinical investigations. There is nothing you can do to speed it up.

At this stage, the only advice I can give, is try your hardest to deal with one thing at a time and don't start worrying about 'what ifs or maybes'. As someone once said, "Worrying, only spoils today, and doesn't change tomorrow"

Please keep us updated and don't hesitate to ask any questions. They'll always be someone here to help.

Good luck to you both. 👍

Edited by member 10 Dec 2025 at 08:58  | Reason: Typo

User
Posted 10 Dec 2025 at 14:08

This is often  the darkest time for us all as diagnosis is made by trickles and we quite naturally fear the worst case scenario until staging (ie where the cancer actually is) and scoring (how urgent it needs to be treated if local to the prostate area) are determined. You also have the potential added  delay of the holiday period coming up so hopefully you will get some clarification this month. I felt very morbid towards the end of the process until all the scans etc were completed and treatment was clarified. Learn what you can and where you can counter his negativity gently but firmly (ie it is highly unlikely  even with a worse case that he wouldn't be  be around in a year's time) and hopefully as things become clearer in the New Year his mindset may slowly shift .

Show Most Thanked Posts
User
Posted 10 Dec 2025 at 08:44

Hi, Cara.

I'm sorry that your husband is having prostate problems. However, it's fantastic, in order to help him, you've joined us. Welcome to the forum. You'll get a lot of support here.

Unfortunately, his elevated PSA, and MRI scan results indicate there is a high likelihood of him having prostate cancer. However, we have had folk who've had similar PSA levels and pi-rad results, which have been caused by non-cancerous conditions. Only the biopsy can show IF he's got PCa and how aggressive it's likely to be.

I think most on here would agree, that the initial diagnosis procedures are the worst time, and waiting is the worst part of these clinical investigations. There is nothing you can do to speed it up.

At this stage, the only advice I can give, is try your hardest to deal with one thing at a time and don't start worrying about 'what ifs or maybes'. As someone once said, "Worrying, only spoils today, and doesn't change tomorrow"

Please keep us updated and don't hesitate to ask any questions. They'll always be someone here to help.

Good luck to you both. 👍

Edited by member 10 Dec 2025 at 08:58  | Reason: Typo

User
Posted 10 Dec 2025 at 13:02

Hi Cara,

The diagnosis part is very wearing and scary for everyone going through it.

Your husband seems to have adopted a very negative mindset even before any full diagnosis and treatment plan has even been arrived at.

But that could just be temporary low mood because everything looks bleak to him right now. 

My brother has just been diagnosed with terminal metastatic PCa and is finding it hard to deal with. Offers of help or support are refused and it looks like he has given up before the fight has even begun. 

Maybe when the results are in and knowing what he is dealing with he will turn things around in his head. I truly hope so.

The fact is you are going through this as well, OK you dont have the disease, but you have similar degrees of worry, emotion and fear running through you. A fact that some men can completely miss when they are wrapped up in the whole "I've got cancer, you dont know what it's like" mindset. 

I know from experience that trying to tell him you are also suffering will probably only make things worse, especially if he's drinking a lot. At the minute he may only be thinking about himself because hes pretty scared. But that still doesn't make it any easier for you.

The best thing you can do is continue to learn about treatments etc. While he is sticking his head in the sand you can be up on what's likely to be coming down the line and at least be prepared for if it suddenly hits him that he needs to live with cancer, not die from it. 

Its very hard for you at present and I feel for you, the focus always falls on the patient, but you are carrying both him and you. 

Try not to worry till the biopsy results are known. As Adrian said, worrying won't change what's coming but it will affect your ability to deal with it. 

Please do keep in touch as partners sometimes get a raw deal and need just as much support as the guy going through the process. 

Best regards, Mick 

 

User
Posted 10 Dec 2025 at 14:08

This is often  the darkest time for us all as diagnosis is made by trickles and we quite naturally fear the worst case scenario until staging (ie where the cancer actually is) and scoring (how urgent it needs to be treated if local to the prostate area) are determined. You also have the potential added  delay of the holiday period coming up so hopefully you will get some clarification this month. I felt very morbid towards the end of the process until all the scans etc were completed and treatment was clarified. Learn what you can and where you can counter his negativity gently but firmly (ie it is highly unlikely  even with a worse case that he wouldn't be  be around in a year's time) and hopefully as things become clearer in the New Year his mindset may slowly shift .

 
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