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User
Posted 09 Feb 2026 at 16:42

Diagnosed 13 years ago and been okay until 15 months ago. Bone scan shows progression of disease. Now on enzalutamide. Not sure my family remember I was diagnosed 13 years ago. Lost my wife to breast cancer 5 years ago 

Do I tell my family now or wait for further tests ? 

User
Posted 09 Feb 2026 at 17:49

A really difficult decision. You know your family best. 

I didn’t even tell my wife until I was told I needed a biopsy. Very stoic I thought. She was not happy I kept that to myself. I told her I didn’t want anyone else to know until I had all the information to hand. She agreed, but as the weeks passed before the biopsy results return she confided in our daughter. 

I received a stern call from my daughter about how we don’t keep secrets so a group chat on FaceTime was arranged. We live in different parts of the UK to tell my children and grandchildren. Their support was a boost just before the results came in. So lesson learnt for me. They want to know. 

User
Posted 09 Feb 2026 at 19:03
For what its worth, if pretty young children i'd certainly hesitate but if 'adults' i'd tell them now, they would certainly want to know. My own opinion obviously.

Peter

User
Posted 09 Feb 2026 at 20:18

Hi - I so agree with telling them.  I did tell my son when I was first suspected with PC, but I held back till I was diagnosed with PC before telling my daughter.  The reason she got the news later was she was pregnant and live in USA.  Once it was clear I had cancer then I broke it to her as I knew she would understand why I delayed up to that point, but would not be happy if I waited any longer.  

User
Posted 24 Feb 2026 at 09:24
This is very much about personal choice, you are the one going through it, so these are just some thoughts to consider.

I'm sorry to hear that you lost your wife to breast cancer, so potentially that means you are managing this on your own. Online forums can certainly help, but having someone you can talk to at any time might also be a good support for you, so perhaps consider would it help you to have more support, beyond just medical staff. Having someone else come to appointments can be a help, as I know I have struggled to remember everything in the blur of the consultations (I'm only 51).

I'm guessing given the timescale of your diagnosis to now (13 years) and what you have said about your children that they are adults, so cancer is a reality they would have to deal with. Maybe consider don't do the big announcement, can you talk to one of your children and have them help you tell the others. It sounds like you are trying to protect them from unnecessary worry which is very admirable, but they might be a help to you too.

All the best

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User
Posted 09 Feb 2026 at 17:49

A really difficult decision. You know your family best. 

I didn’t even tell my wife until I was told I needed a biopsy. Very stoic I thought. She was not happy I kept that to myself. I told her I didn’t want anyone else to know until I had all the information to hand. She agreed, but as the weeks passed before the biopsy results return she confided in our daughter. 

I received a stern call from my daughter about how we don’t keep secrets so a group chat on FaceTime was arranged. We live in different parts of the UK to tell my children and grandchildren. Their support was a boost just before the results came in. So lesson learnt for me. They want to know. 

User
Posted 09 Feb 2026 at 18:04

Thanks. They knew about my wife when she was first diagnosed because of surgery etc but when the cancer returned some years later we kept some of the news away from them. Then our daughter insisted on coming to the appointments.

Son lives in Tenerife with son and daughter East Sussex. I’m in Berkshire. I’m down there at the moment so might pluck up courage and tell them. 

thanks again 

User
Posted 09 Feb 2026 at 19:03
For what its worth, if pretty young children i'd certainly hesitate but if 'adults' i'd tell them now, they would certainly want to know. My own opinion obviously.

Peter

User
Posted 09 Feb 2026 at 19:42

Peter. Many thanks. 

User
Posted 09 Feb 2026 at 20:18

Hi - I so agree with telling them.  I did tell my son when I was first suspected with PC, but I held back till I was diagnosed with PC before telling my daughter.  The reason she got the news later was she was pregnant and live in USA.  Once it was clear I had cancer then I broke it to her as I knew she would understand why I delayed up to that point, but would not be happy if I waited any longer.  

User
Posted 09 Feb 2026 at 20:21

Paul. Thanks. Agree got to do it sometime so best to do it now. 

User
Posted 09 Feb 2026 at 22:40

With my husband's very high PSA and symptoms the doctor did not even entertain alternatives and told him he had PC. He didn't tell me until after retesting confirmed the very high PSA. I think about how hard it must have been before he told me, with no support. I'm sorry you are in this situation. When you do tell them, I hope you get a team of supporters.

User
Posted 09 Feb 2026 at 23:17

Thank you 

User
Posted 18 Feb 2026 at 19:06

When first diagnosed in 2021 we told our 2 daughters who were then 27 and 24 respectively and still living at home, but didnt tell our 17yo son, who is now 21 and we still havent told him and now cant find the right moment

User
Posted 18 Feb 2026 at 19:52

Thanks for your reply.  I had a good opportunity last weekend to tell them but didn’t. I’ll think I’ll wait and see what happens with enzalutamide and scans. If it becomes serious then I’ll have no option but to advise them. Cheers 

User
Posted 24 Feb 2026 at 09:24
This is very much about personal choice, you are the one going through it, so these are just some thoughts to consider.

I'm sorry to hear that you lost your wife to breast cancer, so potentially that means you are managing this on your own. Online forums can certainly help, but having someone you can talk to at any time might also be a good support for you, so perhaps consider would it help you to have more support, beyond just medical staff. Having someone else come to appointments can be a help, as I know I have struggled to remember everything in the blur of the consultations (I'm only 51).

I'm guessing given the timescale of your diagnosis to now (13 years) and what you have said about your children that they are adults, so cancer is a reality they would have to deal with. Maybe consider don't do the big announcement, can you talk to one of your children and have them help you tell the others. It sounds like you are trying to protect them from unnecessary worry which is very admirable, but they might be a help to you too.

All the best

User
Posted 25 Feb 2026 at 16:37

Thanks for your reply. Yes I’m managing this on my own although a few close friends are aware.

I’ve just had another blood test and CT Scan and I’ve a follow up appointment next week  I’ll wait and see how that goes  

Thanks again

alan 

 

 

 
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