Worrying about sex after prostatectomy

User

Posted 01 May 2026 at 21:33

Just diagnosed...wondering if this is the end of sex as we know it...life is obviously more important, but every now and again we think we're 16. I tried to tell myself 'wow, cancer, I'll just get the prostate removed' as I knew vaguely that that was one fairly safe way but recently I've been thinking...'you never know, I might want another child' (possibility of freezing sperm maybe...haven't looked into it yet)...and the fact is dare I say it, we get kind of attached to our own sperm and our own ability to produce it, our own potency...so now although two pathologists have recommended prostatectomy, I'm mentally trying to escape...so here I am ! This is definitely about growing up and growing a pair, even if it's an end to the sperm factory we're accustomed to.

Gleason 3+4 with

PSA 4.8

PIRADS 5

T2NOMx lesion

User

Posted 01 May 2026 at 22:39

If having another child at the age of 63 is all you're worried about then I think you've got your priorities wrong. You're diagnosis looks like you could be cured. But if new life is more important than your own life, I dig it. Don't regret your choices.

ATB,

hawkz

User

Posted 01 May 2026 at 22:50

Hi Ollie

No, it need not be the end of your sex life - it could be a new beginning in a new normal. I had prostatectomy, 15 years ago, but we are still having great sex. All you need is mutual desire to continue your intimate life, imagination and adapt to the new normal. We did and in the autumn of our life we are still enjoying each other. For goodness sake at the age of 63 why do you wish to go forth and multiply? Have a look at the following thread:

https://community.prostatecanceruk.org/posts/t28948-Re-establishing-Sex-Life

'Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but that’s not why we do it.' Richard Feynman (1918-1988) Nobel Prize laureate

User

Posted 01 May 2026 at 22:57

No, it won't be the end of your sex life. Have you got a much younger partner? Or are you single and hoping to meet someone? If that is the case then wishing to freeze some sperm is a valid request. If not perhaps you evaluate sex with your ability to reproduce. As you get older this moves to mutual pleasure and bonding. Incredible feelings in the right partnership. No one is going to bond with you if you're not here

User

Posted 03 May 2026 at 13:09

I have replied to many of the threads on sex. There is so much great advice on here so please look at all the threads. I won't address your desire to have more children as I think that has been addressed effectively in other posts.

My sex life has got more intense and wonderful in the past two years since I was first diagnosed in March 2024. I had the operation and had the version known as 'non-nerve sparing', in short this means I will never have a natural erection again (less than a 10% chance). Together with my wife we have found many ways round this including using a hollow dildo on a strap, using vacuum penis pump and ring to hold the erection, and we did try a self injection into my penis but for various reasons that didn't work for us. Much of our love making involves mutual masturbation when we don't want to spoil the flow of the moment. In short your sex life is not over and this could be the start of a new adventure!

User

Posted 03 May 2026 at 20:05

I had a guy who was 60 in a local support group who somehow went through treatment without realising he would be infertile. He had recently married and was intending to have a child. He wasn't comfortable talking with his clinicians and asked me to do so. The answer I got was that the NHS wouldn't support any assisted reproduction at age 60, and would not have done sperm banking even if he'd asked beforehand. (I don't know what the cut-off is.) This may vary by region.

User

Posted 03 May 2026 at 20:22

That is a truly appalling story. To not be informed beforehand is a disgrace. His poor wife too. Not only have you got the stress of a serious medical problem, you got the stress of mistrust and a feeling of being unsupported and uncared for as a human being.

User

Posted 03 May 2026 at 20:25

Ps I just googled it , it between £450 and £700 for initial year of storage of sperms. He should have been given the choice. How arrogant to assume he only wanted it for free even if he couldn't afford it. Perhaps a relative could have helped

User

Posted 03 May 2026 at 20:57

Inspirational message really. As a wife I think your key phrase was 'Together with my wife' It could be the test of any relation but where there's a will there's a way

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