Hi, Debbie.
Welcome to the forum. I'm very sorry to hear about your dad's condition. I was in a very similar position with my parents. They lived independently in their own home. Dad had metastatic prostate cancer, but with the help of me and my brother, who lived fairly nearby, they managed quite well.
However, in his last few weeks, they struggled. I contacted his doctor, social services emergency adult care team, Macmillan nurses and a local hospice. They all helped. Carers and district nurses visited him, but his condition worsened. I found Macmillan were fantastic.
He always wanted and insisted on dying at home. Unfortunately he got to the stage where he couldn't properly eat or drink. I moved in to try and help but it soon became obvious that we had no other option than to arrange for him to be given professional pallative care.
My mum and I were waiting with him for hospice transport to arrive, when he peacefully passed away. He got his wish and died at home.
Here's a couple of links that maybe useful to you.
https://www.nhs.uk/tests-and-treatments/end-of-life-care/what-it-involves-and-when-it-starts/
https://www.nhs.uk/tests-and-treatments/end-of-life-care/where-you-can-have-care/care-at-home/
From the day he died, me and my brother8 cared for my mum at our homes. At this time she was 93 years old. We and our wives cared for her, a month about, for the next 6 years. During this time we both had our own serious health issues, including being diagnosed and treated for prostate cancer.
In the end caring for her became impossible for us, and we had to put her into a care home. We visited her most days. She passed away about a month after she'd got her 100th birthday card from the King.
I wish you and your family all the best. I hope you get the help and support you deserve to look after your dad. Although these conversations are difficult, they are very important to others who, one day, may find themselves in a similar predicament.
PS: I just rechecked this before posting. I'm glad I did. I missed a predictive text error instead of 'they lived independently in their own home'. It read 'they lived indecently in their own home'. The thought of my dad aged 88, and my mum aged 93, living a hedonistic lifestyle in their little semi detached made me giggle.🙂
Edited by member 04 Nov 2026 at 11:28
| Reason: Additional text