Hi Headcase,
It is common to have feelings like inadequacy. The outcome of surgery doesn't just mess with the body, but also the brain. I was fine mentally immediately after I had my prostate was removed in June 2024, but by November 2024 I was struggling with my mental health. I was having constant dreams that my erections were back but then waking up to find that nothing had changed. I had all my nerves removed, so I knew I wasn't going to get a natural erection ever again, but no one told it to my dreams. Luckily, I was able to get help in the shape of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) and when we dealt with the sex side my wife joined in to discuss what had happened. I am now able to accept that I have lost the ability to get erect, but have discovered a whole world of love-making that is every bit as wonderful.
To get CBT you can ask for a referral via your GP but check out the waiting time. In my case it was 9 months and I had asked for help prior to the whole prostate cancer diagnosis. I have seen do-it-yourself CBT courses online and they might be the best quick fix.
A quick appeal - please don't be hard on yourself for having these feelings. You are dealing with major stuff here and please seek urgent help if these thoughts get too dark. CBT is talking about the issue and in lots of ways talking is all it needs and honestly - it won't hurt!
I so hope and pray you get through these feelings.